It's the latest viral video making the rounds, and it's fucking awesome. A family trained their infant son to give people the evil eye, on command. Too cute! I couldn't resist making the first video post of the year anything but this adorable kid and his evil, evil look.
To all my readers everywhere, wherever you all may be, I hope you have a safe, happy and healthy New Year. Hopefully, some of you made a resolution to leave an actual comment on my stupid little blog. That's the one thing it lacks, really. and hopefully, 2008 will bring about even just the tiniest upswing.
After all, it's not just about my opinion or what I have to say: It's about all of us...
Looking through The Vault, one might notice that some of my post titles don't quite seem to make sense. Sometimes, they even seem like they have nothing to do with the body of the post at all. Well, let me assure you, that each one is directly tied to the post, and exactly how isn't a matter of how well you read, but how well you listen.
Those cryptic titles are actually lyrics from songs, and if you've been observant enough to catch the song, you can make the connection to the entry contents much easier. So, as an end-of-2007 treat, I've culled this past year's musical titles into this list, along with the songs and artists they're from. I've also linked them all to this post, so you can go back and revisit some of them if you missed them.
Time for some video goodness, courtesy of Fark's Video Tab. Today, we've got a couple of string-wielding shred heads doing some pretty nifty stuff with a guitar and what's called a "chapman stick." First up, guitarist Flint Blade performs The Dave Brubeck Quartet's jazz classic Take Five - on a 14 string double-neck guitar, no less:
Oh yes, you knew it was coming: It's Caturday over on Fark, and this week's story is about a nurse in the UK who's kitteh was choking on some food. Thankfully, she totally snogged the cat back to life. The argument in the Fark Thread right now, though, is about the headline's claim that said nurse is a hottie.
Well, this here is her. She kinda reminds me of my ex Erina, what with the whole strawberry/dirty blonde hair and (especially) the eyes. Granted, you can't discern much from a shot like this, but for all intents and purposes, I'd mostly likely hit it. But that's just me, and that's just blowing smoke, because as we all know, I'm not really available right now.
But anywho, Caturday wouldn't be complete without my picks for this week, which all appear below. As always, Click to Embiggen, and enjoy the cuteness that is LOLCats!
For my first "Year in Review" post, I want to take a moment and be a complete and total asshole (with some help from The Boston Globe). Why? Because these people deserved it when they were alive, and they most certainly deserve to be remembered as such now that they're worm food. Hope the worms have some decent cuttlery and evolve some serious teeth, because these two piles of human dung are going to be tough, tough, tough to decompose...
A former housekeeper quoted Helmsley as saying "We don't pay taxes, only little people pay taxes." Well, Leona, at least we're little people and not giant bitches like you were.
And just look at that mugshot right there. Nasty, isn't it? It's like Tammy Fae Messner (who also died this year, but isn't anywhere near being badmouthed by me) was possessed by Satan and had a child with my next "honoree," Jerry "I'm a Big Fat Christian Douchebag" Falwell.
The world is a much better place without you, Leona. Rot in hell.
Apparently, he didn't get the memo that Theocracies don't work. Well, now we don't have to worry about his fat ass taking us back to the Dark Ages, when Religion was the perfect excuse for idiotic ideals like mysogeny, patriarchy, racism, religious intolerance and general ignorance to the way the world works (science, not that stupid ass Intelligent Design/Creationism in Disguise).
Now that Fatass Falwell is dead, the rest of the clear-thinking world can rejoice and party in the streets like it's 1999, not 999 like Falwell wanted. Fuck him, fuck his ideals, and fuck his Christian Coalition. Good riddance.
Rot in hell, Reverend. Maybe you and Leona can hook up while you're both down there...
How selfish can an old codger get? Selfish enough to make a complete ass of himself and ruin his grandkids' Christmas, that's how. And you'd best believe there's video, but with NSFW language, so get those headphones on. Link, Fark Thread, and away we go...
Holy crap, I actually got my PS2 to work this morning, so I've been playing Guitar Hero III for the last few hours. Here are a few observations, followed by my current (slow but steady) progress report. First, some things I've noticed:
I hope everyone here is having an Extremely Merry Christmas (or relative equivalent), and I hope that Christians who read this blog notice one very important thing: Whether Jesus is the reason for the season (he's not, it's Planetary Axial Tilt) or not, it's all about Peace on Earth, and Goodwill Towards Men. If there's one part of Christmas that everyone can stand to celebrate, it's that. Atheist, Catholic, Protestant, Islamic, Taoist, Bhuddist, Hindu, Wiccan, whatever: It's all about putting aside the petty bullshit and getting along for a change.
Even in the trenches of World War I, the Germans and the British took time out to sing songs, swap stories, and even play a game of soccer in No Man's Land. Let's all think about that Christmas Truce this year and try to patch up this fucked up situation that we've created...
OK, yes, I know. It's been a slow week here on the ol' blog, but that's because of XMas insanity.
(And yes, I'm all about taking the Christ out of Christmas. I really wish the local Knights of Columbus would quit putting up those stupid billboards every year. Like everyone needs a constant, glaring reminder that you people are Jesus Freaks, and want everyone else to be, too...)
At any rate, since I missed it last week due to more insanity, here's a super Caturday post, brought to you by the many hard working caption artists and kitteh fans on Fark. This week's Thread is based around the story of Trucker, a cat who found his way back to his family three years and one week after fire destroyed their home. How awesome is that? Totally, of course!
Enjoy teh kittehs, and as always, you can click any image to embiggen it for your viewing pleasure. Happy Caturday, and Merry (early) XMas!
Wil has a new post up, and it pretty much sums up how our generation (and certainly I) feels about what's going on in Washington right now. The madness has to stop, and it has to stop sometime. Go check out his letter to Chris Dodd, and take time out to notice that - hey - some people in Congress are willing to do what we elected them to do.
This won't end well.
Turkish troops have crossed into Iraq, and they're going after Kurdish Rebels (Fark Thread). As if the quagmire (giggity) in Iraq weren't bad enough, this brings a whole new level of suck to the mix.
The Kurdish problem is a double-edged sword. They're an ethnic minority that exists in about the area where the Iraqi, Turkish and Iranian borders come together. They're making a case for their own sovereign state, and some of them have decided to make it a militant cause.
During the years following Operation Desert Storm in 1991, the northern no-fly zone over Iraq pretty much nullified any influence Saddam Hussein had over the people living there, including the Kurds. Without that influence, Kurdish Iraq basically became it's own self-governed autonomous collective, developing a fairly modern society complete with Internet, cell phone networks, and a bustling market economy.
Prior to the '91 Gulf Conflict, someone (probably Saddam) gassed the fuck out of these people in an attempted genocide, killing somewhere in the neighborhood of 10,000 Iraqi Kurds. One can see where their cranky side would come from.
Because their national claims include parts of Turkey as well as Iraq, the Turks are targets of a good chunk of Kurdish Militant activity. This, of course, doesn't make the Turks too terribly pleased, and they want this crap stopped. Within their own borders, how they handle the situation is on them. But now that they've crossed the border, they've entered a whole new ball game.
The problem is, if every tribal and ethnic entity in the Middle-east started clamoring for their own chunk of the map, it'd start to look like Europe during the feudal era: Shattered Glass. The infighting over territory and tribal/ethnic hatred dating back thousands of years would boil over, and all-out holy war would most likely result.
The sad part is, it'd all be in the name of pretty much the same god. Funny how religion works like that, isn't it...
If the Kurds get their way, who's next, the Sunni's? The Shi'as? How much land do you think the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia would be willing to give up? Not much, I'd wager. And have fun carving up Afghanistan, because those are the two largest nations in the Middle-east, so that's the best logical place to start.
Plus there's still that matter of Israel/Palestine, not to mention the fact that our government has managed to piss off quite a number of Islamic nations in it's quest to funnel taxpayer dollars into corporate pockets. And don't forget Iran, can't forget Iran.
Yeah, this is going to end really well. Have fun with that powder keg...
Probably the coolest thing I've found on Fark in the last few hours: Celeb look-a-likes pose for a new book called Confidential by Alison Jackson. She says her photos are purposefully grainy, making them look more like poparazzi shots. My favorite? You really need to guess? Fark Thread here...
Have fun, "Mr. President..."
Already having vowed to pay his staff's salaries through the end of the year due to the WGA strike, David Letterman is once again stepping up to the plate and going to bat for the embattled WGA, offering to bargain with them directly as opposed to through the AMPTP.
So, what does this mean for the writers? Well, it means that they could begin bargaining with each individual production company, as opposed to all of them as a whole (the AMPTP), effectively breaking the stranglehold that they've had on the industry for the past 25 years. Bonus! Anything that sticks it to the man is good in my book.
As a WGA supporter, I couldn't be happier to see Dave taking the stances he's taken all throughout the strike. He's really earning his place as one of the most powerful men in Television, and he's doing it by standing up for the little guys (the Writers) and telling Goliath (the studios) where the line has been drawn.
Here's your link, and here's your Fark Thread. Now, get out there and support the WGA and David Letterman!
So yeah, the Borough got back to me on those tickets, and boy, did they really show their ignorance and stupidity. How anyone in this town could possibly believe that the people "leading" them could even remotely be competent is beyond me. Far, far beyond me. We're talking Voyager 2 beyond.
If there was ever an indicator that the Borough's agents are completely retarded, it was on the front of the envelope. On it was my correct license plate number, but under that, the word "Blazer."
Blazer.
Fucking BLAZER!!!
OK, now, it doesn't take a genius to tell the difference between an Chevrolet Blazer and a Ford Explorer, which is what I drive. Nevermind the fact that there's a Ford logo and the word "Explorer" on my tail hatch, and a big ol' Ford logo on the grill (not to mention the two "Explorer" plates down the sides). It's a Blazer.
Sure as shootin', Cletus, it's a Blazer.
(Yes, I hate Chevy, and I associate it with people who could have walked right out of Deliverance. Sue me for being biased, because a colony of toothless hillbilly freaks drive rustbuckets with the Chevy name on them and glorify drivers of Chevy vehicles in NASCAR. Ask them to trade in that 1983 Celebrity on a different make and they'll probably pull some sort of weapon on you and ask you if you're "plum loco.")
But anyway, back to the letter. Yeah, Blazer. Strike One. Anyhow, I open the envelope and pull the actual document out and look at it. The first thing that hits me is that it looks like some stupid teenager with an ancient copy of Micro$oft Word hurried this out. Different font sizes, completely unnecessary, used for emphasis of points that would be just as visible if the font were actually uniform.
I mean, come on! This is supposed to be a government agency, a public service! Try and look professional, why don't you, so people actually respect you and take you seriously! Christ on a fucking stick anyhow! The Federal government may spend extreme sums of money on simple crap like putting out documents, but at least those documents are uniform, for crying out loud.
You people look like today's college kids turning in papers in Internet slang. Sad, sad, sad.
Now, on to the contents of the letter. Obviously, I've edited out my license plate number for privacy reasons, but the text is otherwise exactly as it appears in the letter. While I can't duplicate the logo for the borough's sad-sack letterhead, it's still essentially as-is. I have made no changes or exaggerations, other than the changes already mentioned. Font sizes are relative to how they appear on the letter as well.
Now, witness ignorance at it's best, and your tax dollars in action:
Now, who wants to be the first to point out the errors in this letter? First of all, they continue to insist that I drive a Blazer. Is it really that easy to mix the two up? I don't think so, they both look pretty damned distinct to me. With the blazingly obvious aside, it's time for me to play English Teacher and correct their homework. First, the list of errors:PHILIPSBURG BOROUGH
P.O. Box 631
4 North Centre Street
Phone (814) 342 3440
Fax (814) 342 5608
ordinancedept@iqnetsys.net
Date: 12/12/07
To Whom It May Concern:
####### is the Plate on your Blazer.
On 12/07/07, 12/10/07and12/11/07 you recieved parking tickets for parking 2AMto7AM on your vehicle. You paid the first ticket so we know you are aware of the violation. Our office doesn't like giving tickets unless we are forced to. Please find another place to park your vehicle overnight on the side streets that are not posted for 2AM to 7AM signs or we do have permits available. Contact our office so we don't have to issue any more parking fines. We will resume the tickets effective 12/17/07, if you continue to violate the signs posted on the streets.
Thank You
W(illegible) D. McDonald 140046 (handwritten signature)
Philipsburg Borough Ordinance Officer
And there you have it, with my emphasis on the proper identity of my vehicle. Not really that hard to make it look like a human actually typed it, is it? Fonts are normalized, grammar is corrected... Was it that difficult? Nah! If I can do it, anyone can do it! Fuck, I've read blogs by foreigners with even the slightest grasp of English grammar that look better. Since this is a Government Document, and is therefore in the Public Domain, you peons can feel free to copy and paste my template for future use by your offices, should you decide you want to look like an actual, professional Government Agency.PHILIPSBURG BOROUGH
P.O. Box 631
4 North Centre Street
Phone (814) 342-3440
Fax (814) 342-5608
ordinancedept@iqnetsys.net
Date: 12/12/07
To Whom It May Concern:
Plate #: #######
Vehicle Make: Ford
Vehicle Model: Explorer
On 12/07/07, 12/10/07 and 12/11/07, you recieved parking tickets for parking 2AM to 7AM in a zone posted against such. You paid the first ticket, so we know you are aware of the violation. Our office doesn't like giving tickets unless we are forced to. Please find another place to park your vehicle overnight on side streets that are not posted for 2AM to 7AM signs. We also have permits available. Contact our office so we don't have to issue any more parking fines. We will resume the tickets effective 12/17/07,if you continue to violate the signs posted on the streets.
Thank You,
W(illegible) D. McDonald 140046 (handwritten signature)
Philipsburg Borough Ordinance Officer
