If Only In My Dreams

For the first time in a very, very long (and long-overdue) time, I'll be spending Christmas alone. And you know what?

That is fucking awesome.

Now, granted, I wouldn't mind some female company for the holidays (and beyond), and I'd certainly like to know if I really am a father so I can celebrate with my (potential) son. But all in all, a Christmas alone, in my case, isn't that terrible a prospect. Allow me to explain.

First of all, there's the whole "reason for the season" argument. As an Atheist, of course, I'm rather opposed to the Christian definition of the modern Christmas: To celebrate the birth of Jesus of Nazareth (even though he is clearly of Bethlehem according to the ol' yarn). How many things are wrong with that? Well, if the calendar is truly "the year of our lord," then Jesus' birth would have had to occour at Midnight between 1BC and 1AD. In January. Not December. The December celebration is actually a Pagan holiday which celebrates the Solstice; it was annexed by Christianity in order to get the Pagan folk to join the club.

Of course, this is a major point of contention between myself and my family. It's of great embarrassment to me that:

A) My family actually buys into this Mother Goose horseshit, and

B) Some of them are entirely too forward (read: evangelical) about it.

It's a wonder how I stayed sane during the Holidays for so long. Maybe it was the gifts in my selfish youth, or maybe the vain hope that I might plan the seed of doubt in one of their minds. The desire to get your parents to take the red pill can give you quite a bit of willpower, but not enough to last not-quite-half a lifetime.

To counter the above sources of much facepalming, and to ease the sting of being here by myself this Christmas, I have these two rather comforting thoughts:

A) The fact that I'm away from my family means no possible arguments. Having two iron wills collide in a discussion of faith and folly is both taxing and loud, and

B) The fact that I see the seeds of rationality and free-thought in the next generation of Marie and Walter's descendants.

Silent Night indeed. Holy Night, not so much.

No, here - alone in my little box that can't hold heat worth a damn - I will sit and celebrate the Christmas of the Godless. Upon my fellow men and women of all kinds, godless or not, I wish peace and goodwill, and the hope that we can all sit down, shut the fuck up about stupid shit, and get along for a change. We're all on this rock together, and fighting over it for silly second grade reasons isn't doing us any good, so we might as well drop the bullshit and try to move forward.

Forward is the only direction you can go, but it's a difficult journey indeed when you're stuck so far back in the distant, primitive past.

This Holiday Season, I hope that Mankind - all of Mankind - can put away the grown-up Santa Claus fantasies that it clings to and matures into the species that nature meant us to be.

Grandpa Ruins Christmas

How selfish can an old codger get? Selfish enough to make a complete ass of himself and ruin his grandkids' Christmas, that's how. And you'd best believe there's video, but with NSFW language, so get those headphones on. Link, Fark Thread, and away we go...

Angry Grandpa Ruins Christmas - Watch more free videos

Way to go, Grandpa...

I Farted On Santa's Lap

I hope everyone here is having an Extremely Merry Christmas (or relative equivalent), and I hope that Christians who read this blog notice one very important thing: Whether Jesus is the reason for the season (he's not, it's Planetary Axial Tilt) or not, it's all about Peace on Earth, and Goodwill Towards Men. If there's one part of Christmas that everyone can stand to celebrate, it's that. Atheist, Catholic, Protestant, Islamic, Taoist, Bhuddist, Hindu, Wiccan, whatever: It's all about putting aside the petty bullshit and getting along for a change.

Even in the trenches of World War I, the Germans and the British took time out to sing songs, swap stories, and even play a game of soccer in No Man's Land. Let's all think about that Christmas Truce this year and try to patch up this fucked up situation that we've created...

And Now For Something Completely Different

Here's one Justin ought to love: Welsh Rap group (snicker) Goldie Lookin' Chain (snicker snicker) has released a song called "Sex for Christmas" (ROTFLLMMFAO).

OK, I think I can stop laughing long enough to finish this post now. You have GOT to be kidding me. So I go to their MySpace Page to listen to this abomination of a song, and what am I greeted with? How the band (if you can call them that) wants sex for Christmas with a girl who looks like Abi Tutmuss.

I get British humor, but I guess I don't get British Rap, other than Lady Sovereign. The fact that it's Welsh just makes it even more amusing, I guess. Wonder if they'll do a Welsh language version of this track...

Ghosts of Christmas Past

I'd say you have no idea how frustrating it is, but alot of you probably do.

I'm working on the ultimate Christmas gift for a good friend of mine, but it's taking a mind-bashingly long time to finish up. In all, there are seven parts to this gift. I already have three parts, and I'm working on 4, 5 and 6 as we speak. These parts are the biggest, so they'll take the longest time and most effort to put together. Part 7 will be much simpler, I think, or at least hope.

One of life's little philosophies goes "It's the journey, not the destination." Well, in this case, the destination is WAY more enticing than the road there. The journey, to sum things up, is basically just watching little blocks. Yep. I've been sitting here, and will continue to sit here, watching little blocks for weeks on end. Why?

Because it's worth it. The destination of this little blocky roadtrip is to see the look on my friend's face when I hand him this present. It's the end-all-beat-all, complete, whole nine yards, kit-and-kaboodle, no doubt about it epitome of one of his all-time most favorite things. It'll be worth the "OH MY GOD" that he's sure to scream when he plugs it in and see's what's where.

But until then, blocks. Endless rows of blocks...

I Heart Flanel

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. I'm sorry if I've been a bit bleak these past few months. Recovering from a summer like mine isn't an easy process, I promise you that. But hopefully, when the New Year arrives next week, things will get better.

2006 ranks as the absolute worst year of my life, ever, period. I highly doubt that any other year could ever be as bad as this one was. It's my fondest wish to see it die and wither, fading into a brand new year with a clean slate. With this new year comes the requisite resolutions people often make (and break), but this year, mine are a bit different.

In the meantime, my Christmas was pretty OK. For starters, I got my new computer, which FUCKING ROCKS! It's sooooooo nice to be out of the dark ages (c. 2000) and live in the now. I also made off with a three pack of Lather Thingies (But Ironhead!) and a new headset mic courtesy of Chris and Steph, though it will arrive sometime soon. They ended up printing out a picture of it and writing "Not here yet. Soon, though. Happy Decemberween, Love Chris and Steph."

But the best gift of all came from Mom and Dad, who gave me the most awesome queen size flanel comfortor in history! This thing is friggin HUGE! So warm, so comfy, I love it to death. Thanks, Mom and Dad! You guys ROCK!

Now, all I have to do is survive the New Year...