Tear Down The Walls

Wow. This far? I was over it that week. You've seriously taken it to that level?

And people think I'm the one who needs help. Why, I don't know, when there are so many others out there who make even me seem the picture of Normal Rockwell America.

Boggles the mind, really.

I found it funny how you chose to treat me as if I were some sort of child, when you've delved far deeper into that well that I ever have. And I'm the immature one in all of this? I'm sure that's true in some parallel dimension where different choices were made and what not, but in our reality, that's simply not the case.

I said what I said. I still stand by what I said. But to be quite honest with you, I'm past it. I mean, really. People in this are taught me a valuable lesson early on: There's no sense kicking a dead horse. I have bigger and better things to run my mouth about than old news.

Oh, wait, that's why you decided to get yourself involved in this at all, isn't it? The phrase "old news?" Yeah, that's the one. The over-reaction - it burns us. If that's a good enough reason to run off and pull 9th grade stunts and only cost yourself money in the end, I guess you're entitled to it.

The net effect, though? I obviously haven't shut up, and quite honestly, I don't think I ever will until I draw my last breath and can speak no more. And I don't think that even you could be so stupid as to hustle my fate along a bit, would you? No, unlike you, I'll give you at least SOME credit. You're a child, yes, but not a complete idiot.

I'm sure you thought your night out with me was fun, too. Oh, lordy, did I ever enjoy that. There you sat, pretending that you're someone and something you're not, trying to assert some kind of dominance over me like you have that kind of pull.

Sorry. Frayed Knot.

Do I fear you? No. Should I? No. Why? Any move you make seals your own fate, and I don't think you're stupid enough to throw away what you have going for you. So, honestly, the only real solution for you is to just let it go.

It's trivial. It's insignificant. It's nothing. It's a dead horse: Why kick it? You don't see me wasting my time, money and energy on it, do you? Nope. This account was free, and it didn't cost me a dime or much effort to sit here and type from the comfort of my own home, that's for sure. Why you insist on harping on the issue is beyond me.

I let it go a long time ago. Why don't you?

The Obligatory 2009 Year-In-Review and Lyric Post Title Post

365 days. Counting this one, 72 posts. 73 if you count one I deleted out of pity. Who knows how many words, because I'm too lazy to count. So many rants, so many raves, no ROM reviews (sorry, Earthbound Zero fans, still no ROM either), yet so few posts overall. Yes, it's been a rather insane year for the ol' Lost Kid. Of course, there will be the listing of lyrical titles, but first, a look back at a very crazy year in the life of a foul-mouthed wannabe citizen journalist and entertainer with a soapbox and nearly zero self-censorship.

It started like a lot of the previous years have, and it will end just the same: Absolutely bone-chilling. Bloody weather (+1 self high five of Python-ness). All the talk about Environment this and Global Warming that and blah blah blah hippie nonsense - coupled by the equally ignorant yet closer-to-correct opposition - madness. If you just sit back and look at all the data we've collected since the dawn of modern meteorology, it's not hard to figure out what's happening to this ball of dirt floating in a giant vacuum we call home.

This year, we lost Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett - ON THE SAME DAY. First the pin-up queen, and then the king of freak pop. We all know who got more coverage. Farrah went out with quiet dignity, yet she was damn-near ignored by the mainstream media given the circumstances surrounding Wacko Jacko's death. I remember that day well: Stuck in a dually with Justin, who insisted on having the Sirius tuned solid to, of all networks, Faux News, so he could listen to the wall-to-wall Jacko coverage and say "Man, that's a shame" over and over and over and over...

Yeah, I wanted to strangle him by the time we got to Hermitage, believe you me. It took all my willpower and a walk to the local Sheetz to keep me from smacking him upside the head for that shit.

I've finally struck back out on my own again, thank whatever fairy tale figure floats your boat. The new apartment is nice, albeit a bit poor in the heat retention department. All in all, though, it's worth the work and the worry. Between the DJ gigs and Buck-It booking more shows (we have five or six coming up in the next two months, already well more than I ever did with Tempered Edge in the same timespan), it's a livable situation, and I couldn't be happier.

Well, I could, but one new thing does make up for it...

OMG DROID! Yes, I got myself an HTC Droid Eris for Xmas (thank you, Mom, you RULE!), and holy shit, I'm in love with this little gadget. I haven't really gotten balls deep in apps yet, but the ones I do have are both fun and incredibly nifty. And now, I will type this next paragraph - using my Droid as a wireless keyboard:

So yeah. Basically how it works is the phone app connects to a server program running on the computer you want to control. Then once it connects, it uses the touch screen to emulate a touch pad mouse. It also makes use of the phones virtual keyboard, obviously.

Tada! I know, it doesn't look any different. But being able to use the Droid as not only a keyboard, but a wireless touchpad mouse as well, has become the ultimate in lazy geekery for me. I'm able to start videos from my couch now, nearly completing my in-house on demand setup. All I need now is a workable front-end and I have it made. If you're curious about the app, click here.

Sadly, Electric Avenue is no more. The last show was at the end of January (with Buck-It, of course), and the restaurant closed its doors a few months later after just barely hanging on. Sad to see the place go. It really was the nicest bar in the entire region, it just had some off-color customers that really put people off to the place. Otherwise, the food was good, and the fun was even better. I'll never forget my five years there, the times we all had, the cuties that worked the day shift, and the nights stuck in that little DJ booth at the corner of the stage. Farewell, Electric Avenue! So many memories, so little time to cram them all into this not-so-quick post. I may have to stop and make a sandwich, though...

2009 was spent completely in bachelor mode, and quite honestly, it was time well-deserved. Although I do miss the company of the opposite sex on a regular basis. That, I'll have to resolve to work on in 2010...

I broke down and signed up for both Twitter and Facebook. Yay, right? Just like everybody else. Does that mean I sold out? Well, sort-of. All I'm doing is whoring my stupid little blog and getting into fun discussions with interesting people. And also making my family feel uneasy, which is always fun. If you all want, you can add me on either service (and if you came here from either service, welcome) and follow my boring little life, tweet to status update to blog post to naps in the early afternoon. The joys of growing old geeky...

Old chapters concluded, new chapters begun. I'll have a little bit more on that next year (snicker snicker), but for now, I'd like to get on to the music. And speaking of music, please imagine a little proper snack time music - perhaps "Let's All Go To The Lobby" or the parody from ATHF:MFFT - as I go make myself a sammich. Yes, that should do nicely...

~( :: Some Time Passes :: )~

There we go, much better. Now then, on to the lyrical entries from this year! Did you spot them all? Well, here's you're year-end checklist!

1. Newt Sensation - If you loved the 80s, then you should recognize one of INXS' bigger hits indeed, here adjusted for political funny.
2. Deny Your Maker - From Alice in Chains' "Man in the Box," and good advice for any religious believer.
3. All Alone, Or In Twos - The greatest band in history: Pink Floyd's "Outside the Wall"
4. The Evil of the Thriller - Duh. Click and be amazed.
5. Cuts Like a Knife - Bryan Adams: Canada owes us a big one for that guy. Double sad, he shares my birthday... From his song of the same name.
6. Hey, Kids, Rock and Roll - Depending on your age or preference in music, this is from "Rock On", originally by David Essex, but covered by such names as Def Leppard, 80s soap star Michael Damian, and Silverifsh...
7. Do You Really Want To Know? - A semi-whispered line (and only words at all) from the DJ Dado techno mix of the X-Files theme song.
8. After The Rain - The title of an album and song by Ricky Nelson's kids: pretty boy rockers Matt and Gunner, AKA Nelson.
9. Spelled G-Double-E-K... - Genius rhyme from nerdcore sensation mc chris' anthem for the rest of us, simply titled "Geek."
10. So I Looked At The Bartender... - Classic blues rock track "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" is the song, but most people know this Rudy Toombs-penned ode to getting wasted as heard from the legendary George Thorogood and the Destoryers
11. And finally, If Only In My Dreams - "I'll Be Home For Christmas." You pick your artist. That is all.

Right on. Good tunes that fit the mood. You can never go wrong with an awesome soundtrack for life. Just too bad that this year's soundtrack was so bloody short, at least as far as post titles go. Oh well. Maybe a New Years resolution to blog more? Where have I heard that before...

Oh well. The sammiches have been eaten, the songs revealed, and the year has been reviewed. It's now time for me to get some sleep. I have a long day tomorrow doing two things: having a wonderful New Year with my friends and tweeting this blog post occasionally.

I hope you all have a safe and wonderful New Year as well. Find a DD, and have a good time, responsibly. You all have to stay alive - I have yet to convince you all to write comments!

Spelled G Double-E K

My car stereo display, the other night:


All kinds of WIN. Click here for musical inspiration.

Get Off My Fucking Lawn

That title? Sing it to the tune of the high-note "I Want My MTV" line from near the end of Dire Straits' "Money for Nothing." Yeah. Fits, doesn't it.

And hey, speaking of the former most awesome network ever, lookie here at what transpired at the once-vaunted and now-comical "Video Music" Awards:

Once upon a time, there was a video of Kanye crashing the stage here. But MTV is a bunch of douches, as I'll speak on in a minute. I can't find a postable video anywhere right now.

First of all: MTV hasn't been MTV for years. What was once Music Television is now just Television du Craptastique. Music Videos have been relegated to expensive digital-only sister networks or the wee hours of the morning on basic cable. Once, the Music Video stood as a proud artistic expression platform, broadcast 24 hours a day, seven days a week, thus justifying an awards ceremony like the VMAs. Those halcyon days - much to the dismay of Generation Xers (and up) like me everywhere - are long since gone.

If you don't really have music videos anymore, why have a Video Music Awards?

Second of all: This just in from Ric Romero - Kanye West is officially a bigger douchebag than Simon Cowell, Hitler, Pol Pot, and Glenn Beck combined. In fact, I'm gonna say that, even though we're only 9 years into it, Kanye has officially locked up the Douchebag of the 21st Century title. And this is taking George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, AND Bernie Madoff into account.

Whoever the fuck Kanye West thinks he is, he honest and for-truly isn't, by any stretch of the LSD-expanded imagination.

We're talking about a man who says his biggest regret is 'never being able to see [himself] perform live.' Hey Kanye, I'll do you a favor and tell you what I think of your live performances, few of them that I've seen: YOU'RE NOTHING SPECIAL TO WATCH, JACKHOLE.

I highly doubt that Beyonce appreciated what Kanye did at all, given the fact that she invited Taylor Swift up on stage with her later that evening. If you ask me, she looked pretty fucking embarrassed. Nice job, there, you fucking egomaniac.

Hey Kanye, I hate to say it, but this industry won't need you for much longer. It most certainly doesn't see you as the great you seem to think you are, bucco. You're a dime-a-dozen pop entertainer with nothing special to offer, other than a seemingly in-born ability to act like a colossal asshat and generate controversy as a result.

There's nothing special about your music. You've built your career on the backs of other artists (Daft Punk and Shirley Bassey come to mind) and aren't really all that fit to even stand in the shadows of entertainers like Marvin Gaye, Issac Hayes, Barry White, George Clinton, Tupac Shakur, Smokey Robinson, early solo Michael Jackson, Quincy Jones, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Lionel Richie - fuck, even ROCKWELL got Jacko to sing backups for him. Where's your pull?

Funny - Rockwell makes more money now with "Somebody's Watching Me" being in all those Geico commercials, while nobody's really doing anything with your music.

Hey Kanye: Do us all a favor and go the hell away. Take your over-inflated, self-serving ego out into the desert - where it can't choke the life and respect out of anything around you - and do some soul searching. You're quickly becoming less famous for your music and more famous for the fact that you're a blithering sot.

Much as I don't really care for Taylor Swift, you seriously owe both her and Beyonce Knowles a couple of apologies the size of your head - which is exponentially artificially enlarged. After that, be gone with you, and never return to these lands...

By Candlelight's Glow

w00t! Give it up for Angela, my longtime friend, who came along with me to the Candlelight Red show at Mojo's three weeks ago and brought with her the means to videotape what you now see before you:

CandleLight Red w/guest vocals Eric

Many thanks to Josh, Jeremy, Adam and especially Ryan, the boys in Candlelight Red, for letting me come up on stage and rock some Nena by way of Goldfinger. Enjoy, folks!

Ready to Rock

Two weeks and one day.

Antsy? Hell yeah. Excited? Hell yeah. Nervous? A little, would be lying if I said I wasn't.

Bemused? After a few recent events, yes, most assuredly. I learned a lot about a fellow musician's true nature today. It'll be interesting to see if he comes to the show or not. I'm indifferent either way, really. I neither need nor desire his approval of what we do. Honestly, if he's going to make that much of an issue of it, it's not worth it in the end.

All in all, though, I'm really looking forward to the whole night overall. It'll be interesting to see - out of all those people who've said they'd come - who actually does show up, how many people in general show up, and what kind of crowd it will be. We're all hoping for a big one, of course.

What's really going to set that weekend off, though, is Friday night. My friend TT is a part of fellow local rockers Rapid Fire, and we have a mutual acquaintance of sorts. They've invited me to their show Friday night to sing a song (what one, I don't know). Whether this mutual "friend" shows up or not, it doesn't really matter. It's about the rock, and these boys know how! It'll be awesome to share a stage with them!

So what does this mean for the rest of the world? Not much. I just needed to get some of that out so I can stop thinking about it and relax. I'm going to see Candlelight Red tonight, and you know what?

I might actually have a date. Who knew, right?!?

In the meantime, though, I have a truck to clean out and some laundry to do...

Tweet Reduction Bloggery

So yeah, rather than Tweet each video as it comes, I think it'd be more economical to just toss up one here, and tell everyone that the Karaoke Contest Videos are online on my YouTube Channel. Yay, right? Right. Now that I've got all this posted, I can send one link out to Twitter. Meantime, here's my little surprise a capella number from Friday night...

Down to Business

It all boils down to this week.

On Friday, the finals of the Karaoke Contest happen. (Warning - The Bowling Alley's website sucks ass, view at your own risk) On Friday, I'll go up against five other people (four girls and one other guy) for the top prize: $500 cash money. Already, I'm worried.

Why am I worried? My singing skills are sound, and I highly doubt I'll flub much of my performance at all. I'm sticking to my big guns selection, too, the best songs I do period. I'm not nervous, performing in front of crowds is old hat for me.

No, the worry comes from, once again, what I perceive to be some seriously shady judging. Allow me to explain.

Last time, it was some bitch of a judge that decided talent wasn't important; it was more important to be politically correct and send one male and one female winner off to the next round. Forget talent, we had to be fair! Fuck that. But I endured, and came back this year to find: biased judges yet again, only this time, they're not gender-biased.

Nope, they're apparently genre-biased.

Here are the results for Semifinal 1:

1st place - Female, sang a Country song.
2nd place - Female, sang a Country song.
3rd place - Me, sang a Rock song ("Come Sail Away" by Styx).

And the results for Semifinal 2:

1st place - Female, sang a Country song.
2nd place - Female, sang a Country song.
3rd place - Male, sang a Rock song.

It's kinda hard to NOT notice a pattern. And then, there were flaws in the judging for the qualifying rounds as well. One night, Jill and I tried to get Andy qualified for the contest. When it came time for Andy to sing his chosen competition song, the judges were... Well, not at their table paying attention, that's for goddamned sure. Two of them were up and about, drinking beer and talking to their friends. The others? Who knows, I didn't see them again til they sat back down some 20 minutes later.

Look, I'm not pissy because I didn't win, or that there's a chance I might not win. That always exists, and I'm all kinds of cool with it. But when I don't win because people can't be objective and do the job they were asked to do - like judge a contest based on singing talent, stage presence and overall performance - THEN I get pissed. It's not just me that's getting ripped off

For example:

How can a girl score higher than me at all when her Stage Presence (did she move around, make contact with the audience?) consisted of standing there like a statue, occasionally bobbing up and down during instrumental sections, and staring at the screen like a deer in headlights? Stage Presence is also factored into Overall Performance, and if you're just going to stand there, well, your score is most likely going to be affected.

Something tells me the judges have no concept of what "Stage Presence" is, let alone how to judge it and couple it with singing talent to form Overal Performance Voltron.

And to favor one singer over another simply by their choice of genre? What about those of us who can't stand Country music, and refuse to sing it? Because you like Country more than Rock and Roll or Hip Hop or R&B, that means you have to favor those who sing nothing but Country?

Dirty pool, not cricket - in a word, WRONG.

So, to counter this, I'm doing two things: blabbing about my discontent here, on my world-stage soapbox, and taking over the Electric Avenue stage for practice sessions designed to improve my performance. If I lose on Friday, it won't be because I can't sing or can't perform, or can't deviate from any sort of set path. No, I'm bringing extra spice, aspects of my performance that I rarely bring out at all, even with Buck-It. My stage presence will be central to the performance as well. There won't be any statuesqe views of Eric that night.

No, if I lose on Friday, it'll be because of the same reason I lost last year: Shitty, stupid, inconsiderate, biased, clueless moron judges.

For those outside of Central PA who are interested in seeing me perform and deciding for yourselves whether I'm just being an egotistical blowhard or can actually walk the walk, I invite you all to check out my YouTube Channel. There, you can find both Karaoke and Live Band performances I've done over the past two years. But I'm not limited to those two years, mind you! I've been in the game for over 18 years at this point! Ever since the days back in Fred's garage when we were all kids...

Keep an eye on the YouTube Channel, too, because I'm planning on posting video of my practice sessions - provided Justin isn't being a douchenozzel about the whole thing. He's put me off practicing for an entire week because he wants help making his ManCave awesome. I've been decent and gave in, so this week, it's his turn...

Enough: Boycott the Hooven Benefit This Weekend

I'm sorry, Corey, but this has to be said, and I'm going to be the one to say it.

First of all, I want to clarify that I am in no way demeaning, slandering, or otherwise badmouthing the life, death, and memory of Chloe Hooven. What happened to her, no child should ever endure, but the sad truth is, some do. Life sucks like that. It's wrong, but it happens.

But, at some point, you have to draw a line, Corey. I'm drawing that line right now.

I'm asking everyone to boycott the Chloe Hooven "benefit" this weekend at Mel's Inn (formerly Pete N' Mel's) in Morrisdale, PA.

Yes, BOYCOTT.

Sadly, Corey, you haven't been 100% with everyone, have you. You took one too many trips to the well. The can? That was the last straw. There's no justification for behavior like that, dude. None. Not even the tragic death of your daughter. In fact, even trying to explain your actions within that context only makes it worse, man.

I'm intentionally dancing around saying what Corey has done, mostly because I want you all to ask him about it. "What's the deal with the can, Corey?" "What did you do with the can, Corey?" These are questions I'd personally like answers to.

If you do go, go only to find out what I'm talking about. Don't pay the cover, and don't stay long. Show Mel some love and buy at least one drink, but as for the benefit, just say no. The bands involved aren't making any money, so they're not losing.

Yeah, I know. I'm telling people to not show up at shows being played by my friends. I'm sorry guys, but once you know what's really going on, you'll also get where I'm coming from on this. Ben, Chris, and especially Greg: I know I said you're not losing anything by playing these shows, but once it all comes out in the wash, you really are losing, and it sucks, because you guys are just trying to do something good.

You're just being used. There is a good reason why we said no to Corey, and Corey knows exactly what that reason is. It's his responsibility to tell people, and to ultimately go down with the very ship he himself torpedoed.

I wish I could say that the heart's in the right place on this one, but at its core, it's all stone and yeast pee, and that's just not right at all. I just can't keep (totally) quiet about this.

Repent, Corey Lee Hooven. It'll take a while to be forgiven, but the sooner you start, the sooner it'll happen...

The Revelation

Cross-posted at my MySpace Blog

Have I ever mentioned how awesome Andy Howard is? Yeah, well, guess what.

He. Is. AWESOME.

So we polish up a few tunes at band practice today, and the time comes, before Dave has to roll out for work, for us to kick around new tune ideas. We're constantly trying to expand our arsenal, recently adding some new Metallica (Cyanide) and Offspring (You're Gonna Go Far Kid). There's some obscure stuff in there, too, like Arcade's "Tow Truck," and, after today, something that makes me very, very happy indeed.

At Andy's suggestion, Buck-It will be covering the one and only...

KMFDM

Yes, I'm in a band that's gonna do KMFDM tunes! HOW FUCKING AWESOME? REAL FUCKING AWESOME!

KMFDM ranks as one of my three all time favorite bands (the others being Pink Floyd and Tool), and to be with a group of awesome musicians who are all quite eager to cover something from them... Wow. I'm really blown away by the opportunity.

In case you're wondering, the song in question will be Juke-Joint Jezebel. For those of you who aren't familiar with KMFDM, the track can be found on the soundtracks to both the first Mortal Kombat and Bad Boys movies. It's probably the KMFDM track the mainstream recognizes the most, given the exposure it got on those two discs. I don't know what kid didn't have a copy of the soundtrack to MK when it came out, but they weren't in my circle of friends, that's for sure.

And that was a pretty big circle at that time.

But to have Andy suggest it. Not me, who you'd think would try to push a track by such an obscure band through. I said, though, that I also wasn't surprised. "Tow Truck" was Andy's idea, and he's tossed forth songs by The Members and Type O Negative as well. Not really what you'd call mainstream, right? Right. So it's not really that far-fetch'd to think that Andy would pick up on a KMFDM track.

Bob remarked about how it had a Rob Zombie feel. ROFLMAO! KMFDM predates Zombie by a year, having formed in 1984 as part of a Multimedia Art presentation. Afterwards, they moved almost straightaway into experimenting with the then infant Industrial sound, becoming one of the driving forces of the genre, which Zombie would later contribute classic tracks to as well.

Dave likes the Zombie feel to it as well, which pretty much seals the deal: Buck-It is doing Juke-Joint Jezebel. ROCK! \m/ Andy and I will be splitting vocal duties, which is always fun, and it's a pretty driving tune all-around. Look it up on YouTube if you must, but be warned. KMFDM, once heard, can be addicting. VERY addicting. Trust me...

All Around The World

Yes, I know. I start alot of posts with that, it seems. But here's the condensed version: It sucked, sorry.

Lately, I keep hearing people talking about me. And it's not in the usual negative manner, either. No, this time, they're actually speaking well of me, which is a refreshing change of pace. But the whole reason they're talking about me is kinda unnerving, and I hope this post explains why.

"You got robbed," I heard from one kid at random while I was at Sheetz.

"What?!?" I didn't know him at all, and for him to say that to me off the cuff startled me a bit.

"The karaoke contest!"

"Oh, yeah..." I was trying to figure out how this kid, who certainly didn't look old enough to drink, would even remotely know that I was involved in it.

"Dude, I work up there. Almost everyone up there says that it should have been you."

"Yeah, I've been hearing that alot lately..."

After me saying "thanks" a few times, the conversation ended. It's a conversation I've repeated alot in the last few weeks, too. Other contestants, their families, a few other folks who were there; they all think it should have been me to go on to New York with Mike Willz. And to be perfectly honest, Mike and I talked about it, and we both thought it was one person until that night. When we found out it was two, we both sighed in relief, knowing that the likelyhood was that he and I would be going.

And there's the thing: I talked to Mike. I got to know him a bit. We've even talked about co-hosting a show at the Rowland sometime in the future. Point is, we became friends. And it's like that with alot of musicians in our area. We're all friends, or we all have mutual friends. We do shows together.

Contests like that, while fun, are ultimately, for the poorer among us, just quick cash and prizes for our talents. Most area musicians don't even do them (some see it as the bar leagues to their local 'big leagues', itself the bar circuit). Me? Well, working at the Avenue running a karaoke show has made it more or less part of my entertainment job as a whole, so to me, it's just another night at the office.

But my office is a stage. Rock on!

The competition angle isn't what we're really in it for. We all win, place, or show, but it's always someone different among us. That night, it was Autumn and Mike, not me. I've cashed out a couple of times before, and won quite a few fun ones, so it's no big deal. Wasn't a cash prize involved unless you made the nationals, anyway, and then the competition is just too tight to make it worth it.

I've known Autumn forever. Her whole family is musical, so it's no surprise. Her mom and aunt are themselves wonderful singers, her dad an accomplished sound engineer (and probably musician as well) in his own right, so the genes are there for her talent. Mike, I'd just met some weeks before when I qualified, but he's certainly a highly talented guy, definitely in the upper echelon of our own karaoke circuit. To talk to, he's a very easy going guy, someone I'd certainly hang out with.

To us, it's not about who got robbed, or what judges, who'd never judged a karaoke contest before in their lives, don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. We had fun doing it, and entertained a whole shitload of people in the process. That's what we're really in it for in the end: we do what we do to entertain people, to make them smile and have fun.


Besides: I got the Buck-It gig. Sounds like it's chock-full-o'-WIN to me, not to mention the steady paydays to come from it. Screw $2000 for a national prize. I'll have that in a few weeks with these guys, and then lather, rinse, repeat...

Astral Plane I've Traveled Through

Well, the results are in, and I managed to qualify for the finals last night. So far, Frank Sinatra and Queen have done me right (and I hope I've done right by them as well), and now I have to pick two songs for the Finals. Later on today, I'll have some video of the last night's contestants for all of you to watch, including my performance of "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Yeah, I went there, big whoop! Wanna fight about it?

But that wasn't the highlight of the evening, no. "How," you ask, "could qualifying for the regional finals of an (supposedly) international Karaoke contest not be the highlight of your evening?" The highlight, as it turns out, began earlier in the day when I discovered that local rock heroes Buck-It were looking for a new lead singer. Bonus! So of course, I sent them a message, along with links to some of my work online (mostly my YouTube Channel, where anyone can find me singing and goofing off) and an invite to come check me out at last night's contest.

TJ, the bass player, replied, and came to hang out with us at the contest last night. The end result? I have an audition tomorrow at 12:30, and it's gonna be teh hawesome. We're gonna rock some songs from Coal Chamber, Seven Mary Three, Drowning Pool, Pantera, Rage Against the Machine, Alice in Chains, and more. I'm pretty sure I impressed the hell out of TJ last night, and I can't wait to carry that over to Dave and Bob as well. My guess is, TJ had quite a few good things to say, because their MySpace message to me this morning sounded incredibly positive! ROCK!

So, last night was a good one. Tonight, I'll be running a special Saturday Karaoke session at Electric Avenue, so if you're local, come on down and hang out! Of course it'll be a good time, because let's face it: good times are just how I roll...

Luck Be A Lady

So I hear it through the grapevine that the Moshannon Valley Super Bowl is having a Karaoke contest. Took me a while since the start of the thing, but last Friday, I finally made my way up the hill to the lanes and took the mic.

Talk about fun! The joint was damn near packed, which rocked, since that gave me my largest audience in quite a while. And as the title of this entry proclaims, my weapon of choice that night was none other than the Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra.

It was a slightly chilly Monday night in Manhattan, but I still decided that a long sleeved shirt was enough to keep me from shivering. The lights of Times Square were bright, and even though it was nearly midnight, things were as busy as ever. It was my first time in the City that Never Sleeps, and having already done the two things I'd set out to do (see Ground Zero and get a picture of me flipping the bird to MTV Studios, when I find it I'll repost it), Justin and I spent some time wandering up and down Broadway.

After getting a beer at Tonic, served by the single hottest straight-off-the-boat Irish girl I've ever seen (another picture I'll repost when I find it), we walked up the legendary street and came to The Colony Record and Radio Center. I'd heard about the place before - to any music afficionado, it's pretty much the place to find hard-to-find recordings and related media. It's also the home of the single largest in-store Karaoke CD selection I'd ever seen in my life.

This was our goal, to freshen up the songbook at Electric Avenue with some new discs. The associate, Joe, was a true New Yorker if I'd ever seen one. He had it all: The golf cap, the south Brooklyn accent, and the lines of years spent honing his craft on one of the busiest streets in the world hewed onto his brow. He asked us what we were looking for, and I'd already had the answer in my head for some time.

I was looking for the definitive Frank Sinatra collection, and Joe knew right where to look. "If you want Sinatra," he said, "then this right here is the way to go." I got the impression that he'd made this suggestion to quite a few customers before us, because this man didn't even flinch. It didn't take him a moment or two to scan the shelf and find it, he was on top of it like Brad on Angelina.

"It's the original orchestrations," he explained, "basically a carbon copy of Sinatra's studio bands. You won't find anything better, period." He handed me the case: It was a four disc set, replete with pretty much every single major hit the Chairman ever released, and then some. I quickly skimmed over the track list, and found the song I'd been looking for.

I'd sang it before, Tag has it in his collection. But that version (I can't remember who the publisher was, but it wasn't this set or any Sound Choice disc) lacked the intro to the song, pretty much castrating it and starting cold when the music hits full swing. I wanted that intro, because it established the song as a whole, and it made for a right-sweet opening once the full band hit. That extra 45 seconds is the difference between singing the song and giving a performance of the song, at least in my twisted little brain.

Somehow, Justin managed to get that set, valued at $150 by itself, as well as another $150 worth of Sound Choice and Legends discs, all for... You guessed it, $150. I couldn't wait to get back to the Avenue and pop disc three into the CD+G box, but at the same time, I still had the concrete jungle of New York City to explore, and plenty of time to do it in...

Since most of the crowd was the older set, I thought that Frankie would sit well with them, and I was happy to discover that I wasn't wrong in the slightest. When the music started, I noticed several folks make "oh my goodness" faces and comments amongst themselves. Others took a bit more time to realize what the song was, but when they did, they got big smiles as well. With the right song chosen, all I had to do was nail it.

And since it'd been almost four years since Justin and I had found that Sinatra CD+G collection at The Colony, it came like second nature.

But even the best laid plans of Nerds and Men go awry, and my performance was marred by one of the more embarrassing things that can happen to a man such as myself: My top teeth, which are false, de-suctioned themselves from my gums and decided to freefall to my bottom teeth, which are my own, just as I was hitting the last word. That note is probably the highest in the song, and since it's one of those "big finish" situations, you have to go for broke.

In what proves that I have a big mouth, I opened a bit too wide, and my choppers got away from me. Awk-ward!

That aside, I still managed to tie with the other qualifier, and it wasn't an easy win, either. The other four people who entered were all very good in their own rights, and each deserved to join us in our trek to the finals. This contest is no joke, the competition is hot, and I'm going to have to find some even bigger guns to pull out for subsequent rounds...

(This is the first time I've ever told a story within a story, or at least I think it is. Didn't turn out too badly, IMHO. I don't think it'll be a regular thing, but it's always fun to try something new...)

You Fucked Up

No, the decline of the modern Record Industry didn't start with Metallica's whining about Napster. No, it started long before that, and even goes back to the very beginnings of recorded music itself.

Via Fark (FT) comes this Blender article detailing the 20 Biggest Fuck-ups in Recording Industry history, and wow, are these some glaring scars if I've ever seen them. Of course, Napster is mentioned as #1, but there are some choice brain farts in there as well, proving once and for all that record executives have their heads up their asses.

Carvin' It Up

Because this was done with a camera primarily used for stills, the video and audio quality aren't the greatest. Story of my videos' lives, right? Only good ones are the ones done with that nifty handy cam of Justin's.

Anywho, check out Butcher Shop live, with special guest E-Rock (aka Me), doing some Green Day live last night at Electric Avenue. As Andy would say, "YouTube to you!"

See if you can catch the reference to Crayon Shin-chan...

Ventura Blvd.

Thumbs up. Way up.

Tom Petty et al said fuck that medly shit, and gave us straight rock and roll. Good deal. All the classics you'd expect (can't do Mary Jane, it's the damned Super Bowl for pity's sake), and hopefully, Running Down a Dream will get Eli, Plax, Michael and the boys fired up for some TFP domination in the second half.

I still bleed Black and Gold, but tonight, Blue and White ain't all bad. Besides, I am a Penn State fan, after all...

GO GIANTS!

No Perfect Season For You. Not Yours.

NO U CN'T HAZ Z LUMBRDY TROFEE.

Set The Controls For The Heart Of The Sun

Whoops, sorry about that. Over a week of nothing. For that, I apologize. My bad.

You all know how it is, I'm sure. Life takes over, and the real world takes automatic priority over its virtual counterpart. Raising a one year old is a nifty experience, though not something new to me, thank (insert deity here). Being Dad, however, is a new ballgame, one I seem to be taking to alright. For the practice that I've had over the last 10 years, I have my friends and their kids to thank. Without them, I'd be as clueless as any new father right about now.

Saturday night was the absolute SHIT! Two For Flinching (AKA my good friends Tommy, Chris and Justin) played over at the Avenue, and by golly, they rocked the fucking house. They were much tighter than their previous Avenue show, that's for damned sure.

Chris pulled a surprise on me, though, one that panned out rather well in the end, given the challenge. While I was up on stage doing UKJ's Everything About You, Chris comes over to me and says "Dude, do you know Mother?" Yeah, that Mother. With a smirk like the Cheshire Cat crossing my lips, I gave him the only response appropriate enough for a moment like that.

"Fuck yeah, dude. Rock it."

And rock it we did. In the 17 years since I picked up a guitar, and the 15 years I've been performing in whatever capacity, I gave my best live performance ever. Sorry, Tom, but this beats anything I ever did with Dick Dastardly, even the Culmerville show. When you've got awesome musicians on stage with you (as you were, Tom, don't worry), and the crowd is singing along so loud you can feel them... There's not a feeling like it anywhere on this earth.

As I walked off stage after the song was finished, I wondered to myself - If I can rock a satanic song like that, what could I do with a more sacred tune? No, I answered myself, gotta keep music evil...

After the show, Justin offered to not only make me his drum tech and take me on tour with Not Without Resistance, he also offered to play drums for whatever project I managed to throw together. After half of my life in this god-forsaken business - the business that I love second only to very, very few things on this earth - I finally feel like my dues have been paid. It's time to latch on to this last hope for bigger and better things.

It's time to see if my aging vocal chords can still pay the bills.

If anything, for a little while at least, I'll be able to doll this site up to be a tour blog. Won't that be fun, eh? We'll see what happens. Listen up, America: The Lost Prophyt might be coming to your town, and he'll be bringing some ass-kickin' friends with similarly ass-kicking tunes along with him...

Side: There would have been video of said performance of Mother, but due to Big Jim's speakers being all-powerful, the camera bailed out on Mikey. Oh well, maybe next time, but it'll be hard to top that kind of pure, heavy-duty energy...

Smell Like A Sound

Looking through The Vault, one might notice that some of my post titles don't quite seem to make sense. Sometimes, they even seem like they have nothing to do with the body of the post at all. Well, let me assure you, that each one is directly tied to the post, and exactly how isn't a matter of how well you read, but how well you listen.

Those cryptic titles are actually lyrics from songs, and if you've been observant enough to catch the song, you can make the connection to the entry contents much easier. So, as an end-of-2007 treat, I've culled this past year's musical titles into this list, along with the songs and artists they're from. I've also linked them all to this post, so you can go back and revisit some of them if you missed them.

• Smell Like A Sound - Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran
• 2 Secksii 4 Muh Kitteh - Obvious Parody of I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred
  
• Last Night Was Shaking - Rock You Like A Hurricane by Scorpions
  
• And If The Band You're In... - Brain Damage by Pink Floyd
  
• If You've A Date In Constantinople - Istanbul (Not Constantinople) by They Might Be Giants
• Planet Earth Is Blue - Space Oddity by David Bowie
• How My Poor Heart Aches - Every Breath You Take by The Police
• Chim Chim Cheroo - Chim Chim Cheroo from Mary Poppins, performed by Dick van Dyke
• Steering Perception, I Am - I Am I by Queensryche
• There Is No Pain - Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd
• Read Us Any Rule - From We're Gonna Do It, the theme to Laverne & Shirley
• The Sound of White Noise - The Sound of White Noise by Anthrax
• The Sun Is The Same In A Relative Way - Time by Pink Floyd
• Bomb Iran, Bomb-Bomb, Bomb-Bomb Iran - Obvious parody of Barbara Ann by The Beach Boys
• These Sleeping Dogs Won't Lie - Dirty Little Secret by All-American Rejects
• 20,000 Lines Of Resolution - Video Romeo by Kidd Video
• I Don't Belong Here - Creep by Radiohead
• Gone Are The Dark Clouds - I Can See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash
• Gone Daddy Gone - Gone Daddy Gone by Violent Femmes
• Let It Be - Let It Be by The Beatles (RIP Nathan)

Oh, crap. Not that many of them, are there. Damnit all to hell anyhow. Guess that, since posts from 2006 and are few, and 2005 has none at all titled after songs, I might as well go all the way to the back of The Vault and pull out everything I've got:

• When We Live Such Fragile Lives - Dirty Little Secret by All American Rejects
• Back In The Saddle - Back in the Saddle by Aerosmith
• And Yes, I've Dreamt Of You Too... - Lips of an Angel by Hinder
• From Soho Down To Brighton - Pinball Wizard by The Who
• Let Them Make You A Clown - Let the Good Times Roll by The Cars
• I Know The Pieces Fit - Schism by TOOL
• Jabba The Fuckin' Hutt - You're Pretty When I'm Drunk by The Bloodhound Gang
• Home Sweet Home and I'm On My Way - Home Sweet Home by Motley Crue

Amazing. Wow. Yeah, there are a ton more, but they're all in my archive from ye ol' Rancho Relaxo. Maybe I should make it a New Year's Resolution to add all of the posts from the old Ranch to this blog, thus making it a complete archive. Rancho Relaxo became a blog sometime in the early 2000's, and now I'll have to dig through it and see exactly what I have.

Since I did the whole thing in basic HTML back then (what a pain in the ass THAT was), it'll be fun to try and get it all moved over to here. Man, for two or three nights next year, I'm going to be one proficient little blogger...

Strung Along

Time for some video goodness, courtesy of Fark's Video Tab. Today, we've got a couple of string-wielding shred heads doing some pretty nifty stuff with a guitar and what's called a "chapman stick." First up, guitarist Flint Blade performs The Dave Brubeck Quartet's jazz classic Take Five - on a 14 string double-neck guitar, no less:

Flint Blade Performs Take Five - Fark Thread

Next up, some unknown axeman picks up an instrument known as a Chapman Stick and plays the song familiar to geeks around the world as the "Cantina Band Song," from Star Wars IV. For those intrested, I believe the band in the Cantina scene is called Fir'gin D'an and the Modal Nodes, but I could be wrong. Honestly, I'm too lazy to look it up, I'm going by something I read on some obscure site somewhere a while ago. Anyway, here's the video:

"Cantina Band" on the Chapman Stick - Fark Thread

Neat, eh? Wish I could play guitar like that, but I'm limited to Welcome Home (Sanitarium) and Free Bird right now, since I haven't picked one up in about 10 years...

Last Night Was Shaking

Holy crap, I actually got my PS2 to work this morning, so I've been playing Guitar Hero III for the last few hours. Here are a few observations, followed by my current (slow but steady) progress report. First, some things I've noticed:

• The drummer is stiff as a board. Couldn't they get Vinnie Paul or Lars Ulrich or SOMEONE to come in and do some better motion capture? Guy ruins the whole performance video going on above the fretboard.
• Battle Mode is the shiznizzle. Though I have yet to challenge Mikey or anyone else to a Human vs. Human battle, I have taken down both Tom Morello and Slash. Can't wait for that one, I can assure you
• The selection of bonus songs is fairly decent, and I welcome the addition of Lacuna Coil to the mix. Sadly, I'll have to go buy Guitar Hero II before I can get TROGDOR!!!
• The first few tiers aren't much as far as songs go. Yes, there are some uberclassics mixed in there, but I really didn't get excited about jamming out until Evenflow came up as my encore. After that, it's been all awesomeness. The only exception is the tier two encore, Bulls on Parade, after you beat Tom Morello.

And now, here's how I'm doing after a few hours:

• Thanks to The Bear's interference and a few cigarette breaks, I'm still only on Easy, and up to the Live in Japan tier. This is fine with me, it gives me a chance to hear alot of the songs and get used to playing again, since before I got this, chances to play were few and far between.
• I've unlocked both Tom Morello and Slash, but have only purchased Tom. Why? Because Tom Morello kicks WAY more ass than Slash, and he was the character I wanted to play as the most. My next unlock will be the Grim Reaper, because hey: He's the fucking Grim Reaper. He rocks like that.
• I've bought a few of the heavier songs in the bonus track list, the first being Lacuna Coil. Once again, I'll have to get GH II to get both TROGDOR!!! and Less Talk More Rokk, two of my favorites to jam on.

That's about it for now. Once I get a piece through medium, maybe I'll sit down and write a little more on the game. Til then, though, it's time for me to go ROCK OUT WITH MY COCK OUT!
(Not really, but it's fun to say)