If Only In My Dreams

For the first time in a very, very long (and long-overdue) time, I'll be spending Christmas alone. And you know what?

That is fucking awesome.

Now, granted, I wouldn't mind some female company for the holidays (and beyond), and I'd certainly like to know if I really am a father so I can celebrate with my (potential) son. But all in all, a Christmas alone, in my case, isn't that terrible a prospect. Allow me to explain.

First of all, there's the whole "reason for the season" argument. As an Atheist, of course, I'm rather opposed to the Christian definition of the modern Christmas: To celebrate the birth of Jesus of Nazareth (even though he is clearly of Bethlehem according to the ol' yarn). How many things are wrong with that? Well, if the calendar is truly "the year of our lord," then Jesus' birth would have had to occour at Midnight between 1BC and 1AD. In January. Not December. The December celebration is actually a Pagan holiday which celebrates the Solstice; it was annexed by Christianity in order to get the Pagan folk to join the club.

Of course, this is a major point of contention between myself and my family. It's of great embarrassment to me that:

A) My family actually buys into this Mother Goose horseshit, and

B) Some of them are entirely too forward (read: evangelical) about it.

It's a wonder how I stayed sane during the Holidays for so long. Maybe it was the gifts in my selfish youth, or maybe the vain hope that I might plan the seed of doubt in one of their minds. The desire to get your parents to take the red pill can give you quite a bit of willpower, but not enough to last not-quite-half a lifetime.

To counter the above sources of much facepalming, and to ease the sting of being here by myself this Christmas, I have these two rather comforting thoughts:

A) The fact that I'm away from my family means no possible arguments. Having two iron wills collide in a discussion of faith and folly is both taxing and loud, and

B) The fact that I see the seeds of rationality and free-thought in the next generation of Marie and Walter's descendants.

Silent Night indeed. Holy Night, not so much.

No, here - alone in my little box that can't hold heat worth a damn - I will sit and celebrate the Christmas of the Godless. Upon my fellow men and women of all kinds, godless or not, I wish peace and goodwill, and the hope that we can all sit down, shut the fuck up about stupid shit, and get along for a change. We're all on this rock together, and fighting over it for silly second grade reasons isn't doing us any good, so we might as well drop the bullshit and try to move forward.

Forward is the only direction you can go, but it's a difficult journey indeed when you're stuck so far back in the distant, primitive past.

This Holiday Season, I hope that Mankind - all of Mankind - can put away the grown-up Santa Claus fantasies that it clings to and matures into the species that nature meant us to be.

The View from Down Here

My name is Eric James Jacobson, and I am 31 years old.

I was born in Baltimore, Maryland in 1977 and raised in the hills of Central Pennsylvania.

I was baptized Lutheran, and confirmed in the church when I was 13.

Yet, since I was just six years old, I have counted myself an Atheist.

No, I do not believe in God.

Despite this, the following things are true about me:

I am a hopeless romantic, and above all things, I have faith and belief in the fucked up emotion we humans call Love.

I'm a very caring person. Every chance I get, I contribute to social projects like Habitat for Humanity, or donate time and effort to charities for things like Breast Cancer and Autism research.

I try my best to be a good friend to those whom I call friend. I'm there when they need a ride, an ear to chew off, or when they need a shoulder - figuratively or literally.

Pending the results of a DNA test, there is a good chance that I am a father. And I don't plan on being one of those deadbeat dads, either. No fucking way in hell. I have every intention of being the best father I can be for Lucas, my limitations be damned.

I'm an animal lover, especially cats, if that isn't obvious by now. While I'm not some sort of PETA freak by any stretch of the imagination, I do believe that the other members of the Animal Kingdom (yes, we're members, like it or not) have every right to co-exist with us in some way, while still obeying the natural order (which we're lucky to be near the top of).

I'm the kind of guy who'll hold open a door for other folks, let them cut line, give them right of way on the road, and generally stay out of their way. I'm not here to inconvenience anyone.

I am an entertainer. I sing and perform, mostly because people like it. It brings me great joy to entertain other folks and make them happy. If they like what I'm doing and it makes them smile, then I can go home and sleep good knowing that I did my job.

I am not a bigot. Black, White, Native American, Latino, Arab, Indian, Asian, Gay, Bisexual - I don't care WHAT you are. What matters to me is WHO you are. There is only one race: The Human Race. We're all in this together, and quite frankly, we need all the help we can get from every source available.

And yet, I am one of the least-trusted people in America. I am discriminated against with insane prejudice. I am looked down upon. People would more likely fire a crass word at me and walk away fuming than say hello and ask how I am. I am trusted less than Hindus, Muslims, Bhuddists, Scientologists, and pretty much any other fringe group you can possibly think of.

Why?

The don't trust me because I'm a godless heathen.

Yes. My lack of belief in any sort of deity is the sole reason. Because I don't believe in God, I can't be trusted. I must be the enemy, because I am not with them.

Despite all the positive aspects of my life - aspects that I think make me just like a lot of other people who do the same things, regardless of faith - I am still at the bottom of the popularity food chain.

They say crazy things, like "Atheism is a religion." Um, no. Theism is practicing Religion. Atheism is literally "Without Theism," or without practicing Religion. To use an analogy that will make Christians uncomfortable: Sexual Reproduction is reproducing through the act of sex. Asexual Reproduction is reproducing without the act of sex. Yummy! Sex!

They say that we're "Agents of Satan." Um, no. If we don't believe in any sort of God figure, then it logically follows that we don't believe in any sort of Devil figure, either, sorry.

They claim that America is somehow a "Christian Nation." This would lead one to believe that they think we don't belong as citizens of this "Christian America" because we're not Christian. Well, I'd like to remind them that while I'm obviously not Christian, I'm not anything else, either. And no, the Founding Fathers, Christian though some of them may have been, had the foresight to make sure that our basic rights included Freedom of Religion, and that our Constitution made it clear that no one religion would be established as a State Religion. No "Christian Nation" for you, sorry.

And there's another thing: Why am I saying sorry so damned much? What have Atheists done throughout history that they should be sorry for? Should Abraham Lincoln be sorry because he abolished slavery, a practice abused by so many Southern Christians?

Christianity, and Religion as a whole, has a lot to be sorry for, and it's all well-documented historical fact. So, I'm done saying I'm sorry.

I won't say it until the Irish Catholic Church apologizes to the people it abused and faces justice for its actions - In the Name of God.

I won't say it until the Vatican cracks down on filth like that worldwide, and apologizes for centuries of abuse and cover-ups - In the Name of God.

I won't say it until supposedly-good people like Pat Robertson and Fred Phelps quit spewing their rancid bile and apologize for being absolute, colossal douchebags - In the Name of God.

And you know what else? I'll continue being an Atheist. But more importantly, through my words and my actions combined, I will continue to be as good a human being as I can be, and contribute positively to society as much as I can. I will continue to love, to entertain, to give, to drive, to build, and to care.

In the name of Human Kind.

RB338 2.0

Took a look at my ClusterMap today, and boy howdy was I surprised...


The big dot covers my local area, more or less, and the hits up the northeast coastline are fairly regular. Florida is most likely Tom, and there are a couple of possibilities for the Michigan hits that I won't discuss in detail right now. The ones that get me are:

Central Flyover States - Wow. Who's out there in the cornfields reading my crap? Cool. Guess people in the Land of Checkerboard Road Layouts actually think some of what I have to say is good enough to read. Hawesome. Welcome aboard!

Nordic Fence Sitters - Now, I don't know if any of you can tell, but those dots (yes, there are two, one is underneath and slightly southwest of the other one, it makes the border look thicker than normal) seem to sit right smack on the Straight of Denmark/Western Baltic Sea area. Is that Sweden, Denmark, or both? Whoever it is, Hi! I used to have a pen pal in Sweden, went by the name of Martina. That'd be neat if it was her, but I think she'd at least break down and leave a comment.

Sri Lanka - Say that again? Who in Sri Lanka is visiting? My inner fanboy is slaivating like a Trekkie in line to meet Shatner at the thought of maybe, just maybe, Arthur C. Clarke (who resides on Sri Lanka) has come to read my blog for some wild reason. Doubtful, but a fun thought either way. Greetings are in order no matter who it is!

Once upon a time, I had a website read by people from all over the world. I got emails and comments from all over the place (especially The Netherlands, big hello to Sjord if you're still out there, my friend!), and it was a really neat feeling. I'd like to recapture that if I could.

No matter where you're from, I highly encourage you to leave comments. Let me know where you're from, what brought you here, what you think, anything at all. People who read my senseless drivel have to be an interesting bunch. That, or you have many, many grains of salt to spare, I don't know.

The whole reason I put my life and my stories on the Internet is to share them with the world at large, or whatever small portion of it deems my stuff read-worthy. It's been an honor to have been read by such a diverse cross-section of the human race. But in order to share, you need other people. So, stand and be counted, my friends and my enemies alike.

Life is a case study in people. The more you encounter, the more you learn about what it means to be human, and to live in this day and age. People are made up of little bits and pieces of all of the other folks they encounter. From some, we adopt mannerisms. From others, stupid little sayings (thanks, Justin). Still more give us beliefs, and some give us senses of style and taste. We take these things and assemble them to create who we are as individuals, while still maintaining a sense of belonging to the greater world around us. All without really realizing it.

Some of you get something from me when you read this blog. Those of you who read, and that I know personally, have each given me something as well. It's those of you out there, beyond the confines of this backwards little Blue State, that I'm interested in learning about...