Eating Barbecued Iguana

Hello, San Fransisco!

Glad to see you all made it. I had to do a little housekeeping, but I think I'm ready for the few extra visitors that are sure to make their way here.

If you're visiting from FCCFreeRadio.com, then I welcome you! Chances are you probably heard my "Redneck Report" tonight on 107.9FM, and I hope you found it somewhat amusing. Given that I'm a city kid who really doesn't care for the redneck lifestyle, I'm amazed I managed to hammer it out!

First of all, no, I don't normally sound like that. Like a news anchor, I have a non-regional dialect, although southerners might consider it a "Yankee" accent. It's my passion for voice acting and comedy that led me to develop the composite "redneck" accent you heard tonight. It's a little Larry the Cable Guy, a little Early Cuyler (from Squidbillies), and just a pinch of Deliverance. And no, I don't want to "make you squeal."

How did I come to be involved with San Fransisco's Comedy Alternative Radio when I live in the boondocks of Central PA? Why, the Internet, of course! I've known John for many years, starting back when he and the late Paul McSween were running The John Miller Program as a webcast based in John's Scottsdale, AZ garage. In fact, you might have heard John air some of my "work" from those days: I was the guy who called into a tech talk show and managed to get in at least a dozen plugs for John's program. And you know what? I never got my fucking coffee, damnit...

Will you be hearing more from me? I hope so! John and I have been wanting to do a bit to get me involved ever since the station launched, and finally, we have the time and the resources to pull it off. And I assure you that "Cletus" isn't my only voice. In the future, you might get a visit from Comrade Nikolai, my crazy Russian-American alter-ego, or even from a very stoned Kermit The Frog. You never know what kind of craziness I might invent next, so keep your dials tuned to 107.9FM to find out!

Apart from Voice Acting, I have a few other talents, and I like to show them off. If you'd like to see me in action, just check out my YouTube Channel! I'm also on Facebook (because who isn't these days, right?), so if you'd like to add me and see what insignificant crap I'm getting into at any given moment, feel free! I can be found on MySpace, too, but I'm hardly ever on there anymore. Bloated piece of web garbage, that is.

Yes, ladies, I'm single at the moment. Sorry, guys, I'm straight...

So yeah, I hope you enjoyed tonight's segment! Like I said, keep your radios tuned into FCCFree Radio, San Fransisco's Comedy Alternative! John brings the funny!

Learn Me A Book

Because I'm bored, and because I'm sure some of what I say confuses the ever-loving bejeebus out of some of you, here's a handy list of some of the "Internet Slang" I use, and their meanings. Yeah, I'm really, really bored...

• teh funnay - The Funny, humor, telling jokes or funny anecdotes to people. The is often misspelled anytime it's used, not just this bit of jargon, as you'll see later...
  
• Intarwebs - Play on the name Internet, as if an illiterate hillbilly were saying it.
• Intertubes - Same as above, though less redneck-ish.
• (which is a series of tubes) - I think someone once compared the Internet to a series of tubes, maybe it was that freak job Jack Thompson, I don't know. I tried to Google it, but all I got was a ton of people using it, and I just don't have the time to find out the origin. Perhaps Wil could help me out on that one...
• ROTFLLMMFAO - ROTFL is obviously Rolling on the Floor Laughing, LMMFAO is Laughing My Mother Fucking Ass Off. Yes, I like to be long winded, even with my Intarwebs acronyms.
  
• ghey - Gay. Also teh ghey.
  
• Micro$oft and M$ - Self-explanitory, illustrating their greed for cash while giving us crap operating systems and other products in the process. No-good DRM Evildoers.
• LOLCat and Caturday - What started with the O RLY? Owl has exploded, and now the most common form of captioned picture is the LOLCat (a combination of Laugh Out Loud and Cat, but "cat" can be replaced with any sort of animal/person/object). Caturday is Saturday, when the inevitable cat-related post will appear on Fark, and folks will either post LOLCats or pictures of their own cats for others to caption. The source of my Saturday Post material. Here's an article, including an interview with Fark's own Drew Curtis, about the LOL craze and Caturday (Fark Thread).
• Farked, Fark'd or Slashdotted - This is what happens when an article on a low-traffic website gets linked to by a larger news site like Fark or Slashdot.

Hopefully, I'll have some time a little later for a bit of a longer rant, and to make up for last week's missed "This Week on the JMP" post. Sorry, John!

Tonight on the JMP Issue #0

Well, since I've linked to him, and since he's a good friend of mine, I guess I'd better start plugging the hell out of John's show, shouldn't I? Yeah, besides: it gives me something to do on Sunday's when I'm bored out of my skull. Gotta take this one on early, since tonight is also the Chloe Hooven Benefit Show at Electric Avenue.

Speaking of which, if you're local (Clearfield/Philipsburg/Houtzdale, even State College/Altoona), I want to invite you all to come down to the Avenue tonight. One of my best friends, Corey, has a daughter, Chloe, who's just 15 months old,and has been diagnosed with ALM Lukemia. The local music scene here in Central PA has stepped up to the plate for little Chole and are putting their talents on display tonight to raise money for this sweet little girl. It's only $5 to get in, and you get five great area bands including Double Negative, $9 Porno, and my good friends/headliners Two For Flinching.

Yep, it's A Buck A Band, and it goes to this wonderful cause. Please, come on down and support Chloe and her family!

Now then, on to tonight's JMP (which I'm going to miss because I'll be at said benefit)! John and Candy have a host of comedy guests, so it's guaranteed to be 100% teh funnay. Tonight's first guest is Joe Klocek, and if I'm reading Candy's post over at the JMP Blog correctly, Bay Area geeks may want to check him out. He'll be talking about his comedy gameshow, Get It!?, being held on December 5th (more info in the JMP blog and on Joe's Website). Candy is in the line-up for it, so not only will teh funnay flow like a river, but it'll be hot as hell, too! Guys, you know you wanna get you some Candy...

The second hour will feature Kaseem Bentley and Tony Sparks. Kaseem is reportedly the Bay Area's #1 insult comic, which should be very interesting to see indeed. Tony, on the other hand, is a legend in the Bay Area comedy scene, known as the "Father of S.F. Comeday" for his work in SanFran and Oakland. Pretty good one-two punch, I'd say.

Look, people. It's Sunday. You've done the whole pomp-and-circumstance Church thing, most of the football games on the schedule are either over or winding down, and you need something to at least listen to before you pass out, only to wake up and start the workweek grind all over again.* The JMP is the cure, your dose of laughs right before you get into the routine. You can listen in on PCR 87.9FM in the San Fransisco Area, or on the Intarwebs (which is a series of tubes) at Pirate Cat Radio dot Com or FCCFree.com! If you want more JMP, here's some Old School Webcast JMP on YouTube as well...

And if you call in, tell 'em E-Rock sent ya...

*Ha ha, I have Monday's off! Neener neener! :P

John Miller Starts A Blog

Live (sorta) from Electric Avenue...

Anyhow, my good friend and webcast pioneer John Miller, along with his partner Candy Churilla, has this radio show happening on Pirate Cat Radio in San Fransisco, CA. I've known John since his earlier webcasting days on FCCFree.com, back when he could drop F-Bombs and have Vince Desi (the genius behind the Postal game series) on the show uncensored. Ahhh, the Golden Age...

I'm missing the point here. It looks like Candy took it upon herself to open up a BlogSpot Blog to make posts about the show, and I hope she keeps up with it, because it's pretty much a no-brainer. Having a blog for a radio show is a logical association, as it gives listeners additional insight as to what goes on in the studio of the JMP.

In order to keep things fresh, I'm gonna see if I can't get myself in as an East Coast contributor to the blog. That means a call out to the coast, but oh well. That's the beauty of unlimited long distance, baby...

Genesis

So, how do you start up a podcast, anyway?

I guess I'm about to find out. After talking with John last night, I've decided to give it a shot, thereby making my statement above (about being a podcaster) a reality instead of just a dream.

The trouble is, coming up with something for a proof-of-concept show.

For the last few years, I've had an incredible case of writer's block. It's why I never finished UR, and it's also why there hasn't been much from me creatively in a long time. If anything, my blog has become a dusty, cobwebbed closet I open once in a while to put stuff in.

That's not cool.

I'm hoping that my recent desire to actually work with my blogs is a good sign of things to come. I really do miss being able to come up with stuff like I used to. It's just that life has brought me to a point where I don't much care about anything, let alone writing something for the sheer joy of it like the old days.

Only this time, I'm not writing for just a blog. I'm laying down a recording of my voice and releasing it upon the Earth. So, it's gotta be at least halfway good, right? Right.

Talk about brain frying...