Musings: Contests, Video Games, Music and More...

Greetings, Programs!

You have no fucking idea how jazzed I am about that link. And this link? Blew my gourd, man. I can't fucking wait! End of line...

This is the part where I talk about not posting anything for a while, and give weak, thinly-veiled excuses as to why. I'll let you all imagine how you think this line should go, this time...

Let's see. First comes contests. Remember that Karaoke Contest from last year? The one where I got totally screwed out of the second winner's spot (the first went to Mike Williams, who totally deserved it IMHO) because I simply wasn't a chick? The one where people kept telling me I got robbed? The one that got me the gig singing for Buck-It? Yeah, that one.

Time for Round Two, motherfuckers. Same contest, different DJ, same faces entering. No surprise, really. Of course, Mike was in week one, and early on last night (week three), it didn't seem like there'd be much competition.

And now, for the funny: Last years "Winner," Autumn Keifer, shows up, right? You'd think, "Hey, she beat Eric last year, right? Shouldn't she qualify over him?" Well, you'd think wrong. Not only did I take the top qualifying spot, but Autumn was beaten out of the second spot by another of last years' finalists, Jill Reed! See? SEE?!?

Sorry, Autumn, but let's face it: The only way you made it last year was because you lucked out: The one judge insisted on a female winner, instead of giving it to the true winner based on pure talent. I had you beat. I still have the video to prove it, too. And this year, you had best believe you won't be lucking out. This time, it's about the Cash Money, playa, and I'm about to get me those ends. Three places, three cash prizes. Mike Wills and I are taking two of them for sure. Whether or not you get the third is up to you. You had best bring your A Game and step it up a notch: There won't be any judging flukes this time...

I've been playing a whole bunch of Fable 2 lately over at Mikey's. Great game, great improvement over the original Fable: The Lost Chapters, but it still has a few drawbacks. Most notably, it's still too damned short. They really need to go multi-disc, because there's too much wait time between DLC updates, and the first of these (Knothole Island) was itself pretty freakin' short. Come on now, chaps! You can do better than this!

I'll know more in a few hours, but it looks as though Buck-It could be doing a show at Electric Avenue on the 31st, splitting the gig with our friends in Moxie. Their bassist, TJ, was Buck-It's bassist when I first joined the band.

Let's see, what else is there. Not much, really. I can't make any promises as to when I'll post anything. The semifinals for the contest aren't until late March (you've got 12 more weeks to qualify, Autumn, good luck), so there won't be much ranting about that anytime soon. Going to try and pick up the booking schedule for the band, see if we can't make 2009 our comeback year and get ready for Odyssey Two next year...

So Passes Judah Ben-Hur

First of all, holy crap, I had no idea that anyone still read my ancient video game reviews. I got a comment on the review for Earthbound Zero, requesting where a person could find the ROM file. Legally, you can't possess ROM files, as they violate the crap out of copyright. Whether or not Mother 1 (AKA Earthbound Zero) was released in the US doesn't change that. Therefore, I can't answer your question, because I played it to review it, and deleted it right after. I don't have it anymore, and haven't really cared to try and dig it back up. So please, for future reference: If I review a game, please don't contact me asking where you can get ROMs.

And now, on to business: Charlton Heston is dead (FT). That's Mr. Heston over there, in the title role from the epic classic film Ben-Hur. You might also remember him from his Civil Rights work in the 60s, being one of a handful of Hollywood stars speaking out against Racism. You might also also remember him from his speech, directed at Al Gore, holding a flintlock rifle over his head, stating emphatically that Gore could have his gun "when he pries it from my cold, dead hands."

Well, as the submitter on Fark stated, it's time to pry the gun out.

Yes, Heston was a classic actor from the Golden Age of Hollywood (when they had original ideas, unlike today). Yes, Heston's Civil Rights work is to be respected and admired.

And unfortunately, yes, Heston was a gun nut.

Now, I'm all for the 2nd Amendment. I believe that responsible people should have the right to own and bear weapons. Did you get the key words there? RESPONSIBLE PEOPLE. But I don't need to join some club full of judgment day fundies who want every gun on the planet legal for the individual to own.

Assault rifles? Yeah, the military can keep that. Sub-machine guns, again, military. Handguns and rifles,? Sure, every day people can have those. But they have to be a fucking grown-up about it and think about any and all possible consequences that having a gun in their home could present. It's not rocket science, it's common sense.

Yeah, there are people who don't need guns, Dick Cheney the first among them, followed by all the gangsta wannabes (regardless of skin color), and moving right down the line to religious wingnuts (regardless of religion), mentally unstable, etc., etc.

Mentally unstable, like quite a number of the higher-ups in the NRA. Yeah, it's cool if you protect the 2nd Amendment. That I don't have a problem with. It's not cool when you're so fixated on its literal interpretation that you try and make firearms that no civilian should ever have access to available to the public at large.

There are just certain guns that untrained people shouldn't own.

Heston was at the forefront of that brigade of loonies, the public face of an organization that has way too much clout for its own good. Makes you wonder if Ted Nugent will take over for Heston now that he's a stiff.

Last Night Was Shaking

Holy crap, I actually got my PS2 to work this morning, so I've been playing Guitar Hero III for the last few hours. Here are a few observations, followed by my current (slow but steady) progress report. First, some things I've noticed:

• The drummer is stiff as a board. Couldn't they get Vinnie Paul or Lars Ulrich or SOMEONE to come in and do some better motion capture? Guy ruins the whole performance video going on above the fretboard.
• Battle Mode is the shiznizzle. Though I have yet to challenge Mikey or anyone else to a Human vs. Human battle, I have taken down both Tom Morello and Slash. Can't wait for that one, I can assure you
• The selection of bonus songs is fairly decent, and I welcome the addition of Lacuna Coil to the mix. Sadly, I'll have to go buy Guitar Hero II before I can get TROGDOR!!!
• The first few tiers aren't much as far as songs go. Yes, there are some uberclassics mixed in there, but I really didn't get excited about jamming out until Evenflow came up as my encore. After that, it's been all awesomeness. The only exception is the tier two encore, Bulls on Parade, after you beat Tom Morello.

And now, here's how I'm doing after a few hours:

• Thanks to The Bear's interference and a few cigarette breaks, I'm still only on Easy, and up to the Live in Japan tier. This is fine with me, it gives me a chance to hear alot of the songs and get used to playing again, since before I got this, chances to play were few and far between.
• I've unlocked both Tom Morello and Slash, but have only purchased Tom. Why? Because Tom Morello kicks WAY more ass than Slash, and he was the character I wanted to play as the most. My next unlock will be the Grim Reaper, because hey: He's the fucking Grim Reaper. He rocks like that.
• I've bought a few of the heavier songs in the bonus track list, the first being Lacuna Coil. Once again, I'll have to get GH II to get both TROGDOR!!! and Less Talk More Rokk, two of my favorites to jam on.

That's about it for now. Once I get a piece through medium, maybe I'll sit down and write a little more on the game. Til then, though, it's time for me to go ROCK OUT WITH MY COCK OUT!
(Not really, but it's fun to say)

Fearless Leader Reviews The Rock

Wil's at it again, and this time his Geek In Review (at Suicide Girls, so it might be NSFW at times) comes out rocking hard: With reviews of Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock, and the new kid on the rock block, Rock Band.

I'ma have to wait til Christmas to play GH3, but that's all good with me. What has me salivating is the fact that Tom Morello (ex Rage Against the Machine, current Audioslave) is a playable character once you beat his boss battle. AWESOME! And the encore after that is Bulls on Parade, which will freakin' rock the house!

Yeah, I can't wait. But I have to, so Wil's review is all I get for now. Maybe I'll post my own in a few months, once I get to the point where I'm actually somewhat OK at playing the game. I missed out (for the most part) on the other Guitar Hero games, mostly due to my lack of desire to own an next-gen console other than the Wii. But, with a loaner PS2, I can now officially get by...

Behold The Power of Cheese

If this were an actual game, I'd be addicted to it for sure.

Wii-tarded

It's been so long since Nintendo was at the top of the Video Game market heap. The NES and SNES ruled their respective generations (8bit and 16bit), and produced some of the most loved and enduring franchises in video game history (Mario and Zelda, and was the original platform for Final Fantasy).

But then, a disagreement with Sony over the proposed CD Drive for the SNES (to compete with Sony's SegaCD for the Genesis) doomed it to almost a decade of being second (or lower) banana. The decision - whether it should be top-load (Sony) or front-load (Nintendo, since the CD expansion port was on the bottom of the console anyway) - led to the creation of the PlayStation, and gave Sony the edge in the market for quite a long time. Nintendo's 64 seemed a bit outdated, still being cart based (though the games were quite impressive with load times much faster), and the GameCube (it'll always be the Dolphin to me, it's pre-release codename) couldn't outmuscle the PS/2's pure muscle.

Microsoft came along during this time with their XBox, but they couldn't quite take away from Sony's lead. Of course it outclassed the GameCube, giving Microsoft Sega's old position of Second Banana. Then came the XBox 360: It got the early drop on both Sony and Nintendo, and is quite the machine in it's own right.

But both Microsoft and Sony got careless. With the 360 and PS3, they focused more on the hardcore gamer market, with their graphics and bells and whistles. Sony rushed too much, and the Cell-powered Titan turned out to be more of a blinded cyclops than anything. And with both machines selling well above $300, they further limited thier market scope.

But no, not Nintendo.

Codenamed Revolution when it was announced, it was a huge gamble for the former King of Home Gaming: Focusing less on graphics and more on intuitive game play, they banked on expanding video games to a larger market, beyond the hardcore, basement-dwelling game geeks that have come to stereotype the industry. With radical controlers allowing for user interaction like never before (unless you count the Power Pad, Power Glove and U-Force) and simplistic yet engrossing gameplay, Nintendo put all its chips in with the Revolution.

And yes, a revolution was born. The Wii Revolution.

This here MSNBC Article takes a look at one front of that Revolution: Senior Citizens. Yes, your grandma and grandpa are digging on video games. Who knew, right? Before, they were just "those stupid boxes that make pretty pictures on TV and keep kids indoors." All of the sudden, they're breaking hips playing Wii Tennis and Wii Bowling, cheering and huigging when victorious, and even having friendly tournaments.

Everyone wants the Wii. And at $250, it certainly has a huge price advantage over Sony and Microsoft. College Students and Teenagers with too much time on their hands aren't the only ones buying boxes anymore.

And, after far too long, Nintendo is back on top.

I was always a Nintendo kid. I had an NES, SNES, and in College I bought a 64 so my friends and I could have Goldeneye killfests. After that, though, I was disillusioned with the game market. Never owned any Sega consoles, Playstations, the GameCube, or any handhelds beyond my old puke-green-screened Game Boy. Hell, I'm borrowing the PS2 I have now from my boss, with games coming from friends.

But I want Wii. Oh yes, I want Wii.

I've played it, and it's unreal. Remember when you used to play a racing game, and you'd catch yourself leaning into a turn your trying to make, rotating the controler as far in that direction as you can, praying to whatever game god you worshipped at the time that it would help? Well, now it does! The Wii Sports package, which comes with the system, is enough to keep any gamer entertained for quite a while. The graphics aren't all that hot, but who cares?

After all, when have you ever played a boxing game where physically punching your buddy actually made the on-screen guy punch? I can't remember ever going through my full motion bowling delivery in a living room. And I was honestly afraid I'd get overzealous and whack my opponent in the head with my controller playing Wii Tennis.

Yeah, it's that fun.

So, folks, my next major purchase is most deffinately a Wii.

Let's Get Wii-tarded in here!

NES Review: Dig Dug

When it c omes to ultra classics, there's probably no one you ask that won't name Dig Dug. And all behold, the translation to the NES was pretty much flawless.

I'm not entirely square on the storyline of the game, but here goes all the same. Rhyme aside, you're some sort of subterranian explorer who's apparently awoken some nasty baddies. Armed only with his high-tech harpoon/air-pump, he digs around just below the surface, trying to inflate the baddies until they pop out of existance

Level after level, the baddies multiply and get faster. The dragon things alone are quite the pain, given their inate ability to shoot fire, and sometimes through a seemingly solid-enough wall of dirt. Alas, it can indeed go through, and it can really mess your day up.

One nice thing, though. You can totally pull a similar version of this tactic on them. If you dig 'almost' all the way through a thin spot, the monster will be prevented from getting at you, but you can still squeez your pump thing through and catch them when they walk up against the thin spot. Beware, though, for as you can see, the baddies have the ability to seeminly transmogrify and fly through dirt, materializing only when they reach a tunnel.

But fear not! They're still vulnerabile in this state, and a well-timed shot from your harpoon on crack will start them on the way to poppitude.

As you progress through the levels, the colors of the soil change, and rocks appear to assist you. If you dig directly under one and a baddie is chasing you at the right time, it'll fall and squish them out of existance. You don't get much point wise for that little maneuver, but hey, You can't argue when baddies die, and you get to up your count of flowers across the surface.

It's a common theme, I know. But kids these days are spoiled. Way back in the day, this game consumed our thoughts and our quarters, and back in the day it was buzzing, booping and popping on our TV screens. You can't mess with an ultra-classic, recognized as such the world over. If you can find an original upright cabinet, kudos on ya, because you have in your basement a part of gaming history.

When you needed a break from PacMan, Dig Dug was the way to go.

Dig Dug - NES - Action/Puzzle

NES Review: Q*Bert

Ahhh, the classics. You can't fade them at all, and they never really go away. There once was a time when we pumped quarters into arcade cabinets like heroine junkies shoot smack. These games were addicting, even with their simple gameplay structures and concepts. Mention the word Arcade to anyone and a select few names will come immediately into their minds: Pac Man. Qix. Q*Bert.

Ahh, Q*Bert. Lord knows what he is. Basically, he's a hushpuppie with legs, a dust buster-sized schnoz, two huge eyes, and a potty mouth. Yep, that's right, Q*Bert cusses like a sailor in port after six months at sea. But hey, all you right-wing fundie game haters, you don't have to worry. Q*Bert's vulgar display of ouch is limited to a few choice symbols and a bit of medium-high pitched mumbling.

The premise is simple: Maneuver Q*Bert up and down the pyramid, changing the colors of all the available steps to the desired color. Simple, right? Wrong. You've got plenty of problems while you're jumping around, but thankfully, a bitch ain't one. You do, however, have to worry about bouncing balls which will land on your head and induce a swearing fit that would make R. Lee Emery blush. But balls aren't the only things out to get your... your... hushpuppie with legs. There's Coiley, the tweaked out purple snake who thinks he's a Tigger. He'll actually track you down and mush you, so you'd best watch out.

Gravity is your enemy here, but your enemies don't always abide by the laws of Issac Newton. Say hello to Ugh and Wrong-Way, two two-dimensional beings working in three dimensions with one-dimensional minds. They'll hop on the sides of the pyramid's cubes, swiping and clawing at you as they pass. But fear not, for there is a method of escaping all this purple-pixeled peril.

Flying discs are positioned at the sides of the levels, and hitching a ride on one will send you to the top of the pyramid. If Coiley is in hot persuit, he'll bail off the side, netting you some bonus points. There's also the little green ball. Snag it and your enemies will momentarily freeze, allowing you to take care of your business before you go hopping mad or get out of a tight space.

Green isn't always good, though. There are Slick (with the shades) and Sam (with the hair), two green teardrop guys who will reverse the colors of the blocks you've covered, forcing you to go back and do them over. Fortunately, though, these two can't kill you, and you get a few extra points if you catch up and tag them.

OK, so Tomb Raider it ain't. But hey, if you're a sucker for geometry and odd controller angles, then Q*Bert is right up your alley. The NES version is a nearly faithful port of the Arcade classic.

Q*Bert - NES - Arcade Port

NES Review: Ghosts'N Goblins

One of the best things about reviewing old school NES carts is the time I get to spend with so many classic games. Now, the good majority of you probably wouldn't call these "classics" if you define a classic as a franchise that survived into the modern console age. But to us Gen-Xers, the original NES was our altar, and our rewards were side-scrolling action titles that we spent endless hours playing, trying in vain (mostly) to reach the end and save the damsel/princess/weird mushroom dude. Ghosts'N Goblins (and it's 'sequel/remake' Ghouls'N Ghosts) is one of those uberclassics. JC will back me up on that one...Here's the deal: Christian wingnuts (not regular Christians, you guys are cool) leave now, because this game deals with Satan. But in a fictional sense, so there's no need to tweak out. Besides. He's the guy you're trying to best at the end of the map there, so you can honestly say you're doing "God's work" if you're hard-up for a positive message.

At any rate, you're hanging out in your loin cloth with your hottie-bo-bottie, when out of nowhere, The Man Downstairs shows up and snatches her straight from your picnicing bliss. Obviously, you're jacked, because hey: Beelzebubbabutt just stole your woman! If the great Evil wants honey-girl, she must be worth it, right? Right. So, into your armor you jump, and off you go to fight your way to and through the underworld to do battle with Lucy Furr.

But that's no easy task, let me tell you. Your little Arthur dude can only take two hits before biting thine bullet. One hit pops you into your skivvies until you find yourself another tin suit to keep you modest. Thankfully, this knight of the triangle drawz has an array of weapons at his disposal to ward off the Minions of Satan (TM). You start off with what amounts to a lance of holy tossing and destruction, but can pick up knives, torches, and more. The torches are rather nifty when baddies come-a-runnin', since it flares up for a second or two after hitting the ground. Mindless Zombies become Kamikombies and walk right into a firey gateway, ensuring their one-way return trip back to Heck is, in fact, in a flaming Handbasket of Doom (R).

But Zombies aren't Lu's only weapon. He's got hairball-spewing plants, annoying little devil critters that swoop about and cause general havoc, and bosses at the end of each of the five enormous, increasingly difficult levels. I'm serious. You have to be a pro to get anywhere in this game. n00bs will spend the first two days just trying to get beyond level two at best, ensuring the frustration which often drives marathon gaming sessions. That and the combination of Jolt and Doritos.

In the end, if you can best the Worst of the Worst, you rescue the girl (obviously the hottest woman in the world if Satan's after that booty) and live happily ever after. That is, until you restart the game and she gets Bogarted again. All in all though, G'NG remains one of my all-time favorite games, and deserves to be dusted off every once in a while, if only to whoop the forces of darkness in your medieval boxer shorts...

Ghosts'N Goblins - NES - Arcade Port

NES Review: Kung Fu

This was one of the first carts I got for the NES, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in 1986. You know how it is. 8/9 year old kid, hears the words Kung Fu, thinks "man, bet I get to bitchslap some fools!" Well, sortakinda.

I wasn't aware of it until some time later, but Kung Fu is an arcade port, and it's one of the ones that suffers graphically in the translation. Damn the four-color-per-sprite limitations of the NES. Oh well, what can you do. You can't ask for Halo 2 in 1986, can you. Heck, back then, the best CGI we had was Tron and The Great Mouse Detective.

The objective of Kung Fu is to whoop ass and climb stairs. Simple if not for the plethora of baddies that come at you from both sides, as well as above on later floors. Basically, you have to punch, kick, jump and duck your way to each floor's boss, until you get to floor 5.

There are plenty of baddies to choose from, including the grunts in the fruity looking outfits, knife throwing Daniel-san wannabes, snakes and dragons that fall in pots (or balls, can't tell) from the ceiling, and booby traps galore. There are even midgets (or is it little people? Damn political correctness) that come at you! Yikes! You know that if there's midgets, you're in some serious trouble...

Your reward for clearing all five floors? To be sent back to the begining all over again, doomed to forever climb and fall, climb and fall. And each time you make it through, the game gets progressively harder (as do most early games like this for the NES, before the advents of passwords and save batteries). Always a joy, right? Right.

This game killed alot of my time early on, before the video store started renting out carts and before my library (or those of my friends) grew. Sadly, I remember that one of my friends hadn't quite gone 8bit yet, and was still playing an Atari 2600. I felt sorry for him. Really sorry. But those are the breaks. I did envy him for a while, though, when all I had was an Intellivision II which wouldn't play Coleco games. Sad days, they were. Kids these days are spoiled with their XBoxes and their TRL.

But I'm getting off on a rant here. Wait a second... Isn't that the reason I have a blog? Oh well. Either way, Kung Fu was good, mindless fun back in the day, and kids today might appreciate its simplicity when they want a break from fragging losers on XBox Live...

Kung Fu - NES - Arcade Port

NES Review: Kid Icarus

I remember that day well. We had gone to Altoona with the Reese's, and JC and I were each promised an NES cart apiece. I can't for the life of me remember what JC picked, because quite frankly, I didn't give a crap. I was too focused on what I would choose off of the rack. This was back before the Nintendo Power days, where we each had a subscription and knew about all the latest before everyone else. This was back in the Fun Club days, when info rags were heinously short and came out quarterly, if you were lucky.

Nope, we were pretty much forced to go by the cover of the box. And on this fateful night, I was to select Kid Icarus, thanks to my general knowledge of Greek Mythology, even at the tender age of 9.

What I ended up with was one of the first password-enabled games ever! When you died, you were given Sacred Words that allowed you to continue from the beginning of the level you were on when you bit it. It was ingenious, and many, many games afterwards would use the password system. Some still do today, but not as many.

Basically, here's the scenario. Medusa has taken control of the world, and it's up to Pit, the little angel with the bow and arrows, to journey from the underworld to the clouds, finding the three treasures on the way, and take ol' Snakeylocks down. But this isn't easy, Medusa has sent quite the army of interesting critters your way. Snakes, floating eyeballs, the infamous Eggplant Wizard (who can and will turn you into an eggplant, no joke), and quite the cadre beyond.

But fear not, because you'll have help along the way. As you kill critters, you'll get hearts (little, half-big and big) that you can use as cash to buy items that will help you on your journey. There are also hot springs where you can refill your life bar, and items like the harp, which turns baddies into useful hammers for a short time.

Heh. Check out the reaper tweaking out. The music that plays when this happens is quite annoying, but hey. That's what you get for ticking the reaper off.

The game is split into four levels: The Underworld, The Mortal Plane, The Path Through the Clouds, and The Skyway to Medusa. Levels one and three are bottom-top scroll, while two and four are side scroll left to right. Level four, after you have the treasures from the previous levels, auto-scrolls while you use the Wings to fly. That's the fun level, let me tell you. And the battle with Medusa at the end? You'd think a crazy mythical witch with the power to turn folks to stone would be five kinds of hard to beat. But...

She's not. Sad, really. There's a blind spot in her defenses, a position on the screen (shown in this screenshot) where you can stash Pit, never get hit by anything she throws at you, and wail away on her giant eyeball. Terribly easy. But once you wax Medusa, you save the entire mythological universe, and all is well. Until you find out you start the game over, have to regain the treasures, and beat Medusa all over again. This time, though, the game is harder.

A classic indeed, I'm surprised it didn't become a franchise for Nintendo. Pit and his adventures would have easily translated through the evolving structures provided by their subsequent consoles (especially the 64 and GameCube). But alas, this is all we have, really, which is just plain sad. Still, this classic always merits replay, if only for the cheesy music. Guess what...

Kid Icarus - NES - Platform Shooter

NES Review: Gun.Smoke

There's a good reason why this review says NES as opposed to ROM. Earthbound Zero is more or less only available as a ROM, while all the other games I'll review are available as legal carts. Thanks to my local old-school NES buddies who've kept their systems and carts in immaculate condition, I'm able to review these classics for all 3 of you.

Gun.Smoke was one of my favorite rentals when the 8bit system was the hot box of the day. I used to know a cheat code or two that would afford me all the weapons up front, which was fun, and the turbo controler (the NES Advantage, if I remember correctly) made my standard gun more deadly than the machine gun the cheat gave me.

Sounds like it could be Houtzdale, doesn't it. Heh. That's the first thing I thought of when I looked at that screen for the first time in well over 15 years. Anywho, you're out to capture bad guys, and in Houtz... I mean Hicksville, it doesn't get any badder than this guy:

Bandit Bill. That's right. Mean looking hombre, ain't he. Well, you've got to take this bad seed down, and the local authorities will give you $10K if you succeed. All you have are your sidearms, an unlimited supply of ammo for said sidearms, and the occasional helpful townsfolk who will sell you goods, but don't expect them to jump in the line of fire so they can off stuff cheap. You'll need the cash you find along the way, that's for srue.

The streets are mean, that's for sure. Roaming banditos working for the big burrito on campus attack you from all angles in all sorts of ways. Beware death from above, as snipers have positionend themselves as well. Wandering miscreants like that dude over yonder will lob dynamite sticks (which, curiously, are blue), but you can actually pick these things up before they asplode.

With only a standard NES controler to play these games with these days, all the rabid fun was taken out of it, but at least I got to spend about 20 minutes reliving my childhood. It's a fun shooter varient with some pretty decent challange to it (unless, of course, you have a good controller).

Gun.Smoke - NES - Arcade Port/Shooter

ROM Review: Earthbound Zero

When I was a kid, I had an NES. Then, as I got older, my loyalty to Nintendo consoles led me to get a SuperNES. There was a game for the SNES called Earthbound, a charming, kid-friendly RPG with an engaging storyline, interesting characters and nifty options with regards to magic. But what we didn't know at the time was that Earthbound was actually a sequel to a game for the original NES which, sadly, never saw release onto the American game market.

Well, thanks to the advent of ROMs and Emulation, we can finally play this game, and even with a half decent translation!

You'll notice a few similarities to Earthbound right off the bat. You get to name your four characters, dog, and favorite food. The martial arts character from the SNES version was obviously a replacement of Teddy, a 50's looking Fonzie tough guy you meet later in the game. At this point you start to notice that a lot of the "basic" features of the SNES version are actually additions to the game. Kind of makes you appreciate the SNES version all the more.

Anyway, you're Ninten (or Stewy, as I have him named here), and you're awoken one night by troubles in your sister's room. It appears her dolly is possessed. Not cool. After whomping some demonic lamps and the eerie dolly itself, you find that you have to embark on a quest to save the world from renegade paranormal forces.

Along the way, you meet the girl (Ana, or Amanda in my screen shot), the nerdy boy (Loid, Jester in my screen shot) and the aforementioned Teddy, Who'm I called Remo in my game, but isn't in any of my screen shots. Each one is tailored to a specific kind of attack: Ninten can use ball bats and some PSI (magic) spells; Ana is a PSI wonder who has pans for secondary weapons; Loid is a technology master, specializing in guns and offensive items like bottle rockets and beam weapons; Teddy is pretty darn good with a sword, if you've got one for him. Neither Loid nor Teddy can use PSI.

As with any RPG, you get to have fun spending quality time with the monsters of EBZ, going through the rite of passage known as "leveling up." This makes the monsters easier to deal with after a while, but can be time consuming and monotonous. But hey, that's why RPGs have storylines. It's the story that really gets you hooked, and as with the SNES incarnation of Earthbound, this one has a cute an engaging story to follow along with.

If you think I'm going to hook you all up with a link to the ROM file, you can forget it. You can all find it on your own. If you do, just make sure that your title screen has that little ZERO underneath Earthbound. That way you know for sure that you have the right one. A little effort is all it takes. Just remember: You can only have a ROM for about 24 hours, then you're obligated to delete it. Not my rule, just a good general guideline.

Earthbound Zero - Unreleased in USA - RPG