Saturday, December 01, 2007

Nanny State, Nanny State, Baker's Man...

Oh, you'll love this one. UK readers, take notice, because the wonderful Nanny State you've created is about to cut off your metaphorical balls:

The UK is considering lowering the legal blood alcohol level.

To 0.00.

Yep. They're going to make it a crime to have even one sip of one drink and drive a vehicle. Granted, yes, this does have the potential to drastically cut alcohol-related driving accidents and deaths, but COME THE FUCK ON!

How in the fuck are you supposed to expect a nation of people who drink like bloody fishes to even remotely consider following this statute? Your jails would be filled to capacity! If they're actually serious about enforcing one of those asinine Zero Tolerance policies, then you have to come down with the hammer each and every time to get your message across.

And with millions of Brits having pub fetishes, that could get a bit crowded.

I urge all of you in the UK: Stop this madness. Destroy the Nanny State. I don't care if you revert to total monarchy, as long as you tell your government to stay the fuck out of your lives. You're PRIVATE CITIZENS, not little children who need to be mollycoddled and led around by the hand.

Once, it was said that the sun never sets on the British Empire. Looks like you'd all better take Sir Elton's advice and not let the sun go down on you. Or at least on your watch.

Britons! Arise! Tell Mary Poppins that the wind has changed and you no longer wish to live in a Nanny State! PROTECT YOUR RIGHT TO BOOZE!!!

Friday, November 30, 2007

...Lies The Key To Imagination

It's Redneck Hospital 2: Electric Boogaloo.

You know, the ignorance of Rednecks never ceases to stop amazing the crap out of me. That's just a given anymore. I mean, these people are oblivious to the fact that they singlehandedly keep the human race needlessly tethered to lifestyles and ideals that went out with the dawn of the airplane.

All too often, stupidity is tied to that ignorance. Take, for example, the devout NASCAR fan I ran into this morning at the doctors' office. How did I know he was a NASCAR fan, not to mention a devout one? The jacket said it all, and said it loudly. Not only was the NASCAR logo plastered all over the bloody thing, but it's once-bright blue color was stained to high heaven with what could only be several different kinds of natural and synthetic industrial and automotive lubricants.

The mullet didn't hurt my deduction, either.

At any rate, we were behind this older couple, waiting to check the Bear in for his follow-up. Off to our left, looking obviously impatient and worried, stood Captain Stock Car, a hillbilly of about 45 years of age, looking more like 55 after years of Church and Go Fast, Turn Left action on Sundays and raising some rowdy kin-folk.

Well, the old couple taking a bit I can understand. Let's face it: they're old. If they do anything fast anymore, it's pretty much a medical miracle. You can't fault them for their age, nor the fact that they're living in an era that's way ahead of them in terms of social speed. But Captain Stock Car was looking like he was desperate to cut in front of us, even though we had what was obviously a slightly-under-the-weather 11 month old with us.

So, when the old folks were done, he asked us if he could cut in line real quick. His all-important question, the one that forced him to cut in front of a sick child?

Could he use one of the dozen or so wheelchairs sitting in the lobby - which are there for patients to take and use if they need to as soon as they arrive in the building - for his mother.

Idiot thought he needed permission. Yeah, in a place where people are sick and time is of the essence, you have to throw a wrench in the works to ask if your sick mother can use a wheelchair that they put there for people like your sick mother to use without having to ask.

Seriously. They let these people have kids? If the blazingly obvious passes you by completely and you don't even feel the breeze, you need to seriously rethink your situation.

Sure, it was only a hold-up of about 15 seconds, and the Bear wasn't in any dire need of medical care (it was just a follow-up to his ER visit on 500 Years of BS and Turkey Day), but come on! If you'd come down out of the hills every so often and see what civilized people are doing with their newfangled advancements, maybe you'd know things like medical centers put wheelchairs by the entrance for patients who need (or feel they need) them.

What a modern concept that is. Go home and watch Speed Network, hillbilly. FAIL.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

How My Poor Heart Aches

So, really. Where do you draw the line between fandom and stalking? And is there any chance that, in place of a line, there could be some sort of grey area where you're teetering on the razor's edge of that line, but not quite falling over to the other side?

I suppose Lawyer Mama is trying to answer that question for us all.

LM is a fan of Wil's, much like myself and thousands of others. Let's face it: man can spin a yarn, and spin it well. And oh yeah, there's that whole actor thing, Star Trek, something or other, I don't know. In a nutshell, yes, he's quite worthy of having good, loyal fans.

Poor LM, though, she's in the grey area. While the rest of us revel in Wil's blog posts and the occasional reply to an email with a question about the site or whatever (I myself got one once, which was cool), LM took the step into the not-black-but-not-white-either are of fandom and is now attempting a small feat of stalkery: Trying to get Wil to pop one comment on her blog.

Yeah, you'll want to scroll to the bottom of that post for the Wheaton info, unless you're up on the topic of breastfeeding in America. I just wanted to link to her most recent post...

Yep, grey area. I don't see where this is harmful. After all, she's not at his house or off tailing Wil's oldest at college, and she's not really all that obsessed the way you'd think your garden-variety stalker would be. She's just a fan who'd like that one moment of semi-contact. Kindof like meeting your favorite actor or writer at a convention: That 30 seconds of time can mean the world to someone.

For LM, her 30 seconds would be Wil posting a quick comment on her blog. And honestly, I think it'd be a bit of alright if he did. I'm not saying he absolutely should, mind you, just saying that it'd be cool of him. And what's halfway decent is, Wil is, within certain boundaries, a "celebrity" who's fairly accessible to his fanbase.

So, I'm going to wish Lawyer Mama the best of luck. As a blogger who's had that 30 seconds with Wil and several other "famous" folk over the years, I can attest to the joy you get when you meet/communicate with those you admire for one reason or another. So, to inspire her on her quest, here's a picture of me with one of my all time favorite musicians, Sascha K. of KMFDM, from back in October, 2004.

Good luck, Mama!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Chim Chim Cheroo

I clicked on the Week-long Archive link on Fark tonight, determined to find out just how many Nanny State articles about the stupid BS going on in (not-so?) Great Britain, and this is what I found...

Eh, not as much as I'd expect from the seven day Farkive, but still, it's all kind of childish when you think about it. And what's even more sad is the fact that this kind of crap is trying to get itself established here in the United States as well.

Why am I posting all this nonsense? Well, I've noticed a rash of readers from the southeast of the UK, from about London to Canturbury. What say ye, Englishmen and women? I'm interested in your thoughts on the goings on in your own country, as well as your perceptions of what's going on here...

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Not Yours

Just when you thought that the "Nanny State" conditions in the UK were getting to the point of outright laughable, a story like this emerges. In what is fast becoming a large Fark thread, discussion is raging on about the sad tale of a young expecting mother who had to beat feet out of the UK and into hiding in Europe, simply to keep Britain's Social Services monsters from taking her baby away from her... immediately after her birth.

Fran Lyon suffered through a bunch of disorders when she was a teenager, which sadly is a pretty common occourance for the current generation. But she managed to fight back and win herself a normal, happy life, including damn-fine grades and a spot in college. But when she became pregnant with the little girl she's already named Molly, Social Services stepped in and, using her history against her, said that they were going to snake Molly from her out of fear that she may suffer abuse at the hands of a mentally unstable mother.

Despite the fact that several of her doctors stood up for her at a hearing, and despite the fact that Scoial Services' own appointed independent expert even said there was no obvious danger whatsoever, they still want to gank her kid from her.

Now, let me just speak on this for a moment. Social Services, whether in the UK or here in the US, have started a trend where they cross the line from protective to meddling. They routinely destroy families in the name of protecting children, often as a knee-jerk reaction to what amounts to trivial and slim chances of anything negative ever happening.

In Lyon's case, they're trying to punish her for her past, despite the fact that she's spent the last four years living a normal, healthy life and having her mental diagnosis reversed. And they were so adamant about it that she was forced to flee the country out of fear that she would lose her baby despite everyone's best efforts.

Dirty pool, old man...

This kind of bullshit has to stop. This Nanny Government business is getting really old, really fast. George Orwell is probably rolling over in his grave right now, trying to break through to the surface just long enough to scream "I told you so" before he returns to the protected, un-Nanny-able confines of his coffin. Britons need to say enough is enough and take back their personal privacy rights.

And if ANY government agency here in the US even THINKS of enacting policies like the ones in the UK, you might want to think twice...

Tonight on the JMP Issue #0

Well, since I've linked to him, and since he's a good friend of mine, I guess I'd better start plugging the hell out of John's show, shouldn't I? Yeah, besides: it gives me something to do on Sunday's when I'm bored out of my skull. Gotta take this one on early, since tonight is also the Chloe Hooven Benefit Show at Electric Avenue.

Speaking of which, if you're local (Clearfield/Philipsburg/Houtzdale, even State College/Altoona), I want to invite you all to come down to the Avenue tonight. One of my best friends, Corey, has a daughter, Chloe, who's just 15 months old,and has been diagnosed with ALM Lukemia. The local music scene here in Central PA has stepped up to the plate for little Chole and are putting their talents on display tonight to raise money for this sweet little girl. It's only $5 to get in, and you get five great area bands including Double Negative, $9 Porno, and my good friends/headliners Two For Flinching.

Yep, it's A Buck A Band, and it goes to this wonderful cause. Please, come on down and support Chloe and her family!

Now then, on to tonight's JMP (which I'm going to miss because I'll be at said benefit)! John and Candy have a host of comedy guests, so it's guaranteed to be 100% teh funnay. Tonight's first guest is Joe Klocek, and if I'm reading Candy's post over at the JMP Blog correctly, Bay Area geeks may want to check him out. He'll be talking about his comedy gameshow, Get It!?, being held on December 5th (more info in the JMP blog and on Joe's Website). Candy is in the line-up for it, so not only will teh funnay flow like a river, but it'll be hot as hell, too! Guys, you know you wanna get you some Candy...

The second hour will feature Kaseem Bentley and Tony Sparks. Kaseem is reportedly the Bay Area's #1 insult comic, which should be very interesting to see indeed. Tony, on the other hand, is a legend in the Bay Area comedy scene, known as the "Father of S.F. Comeday" for his work in SanFran and Oakland. Pretty good one-two punch, I'd say.

Look, people. It's Sunday. You've done the whole pomp-and-circumstance Church thing, most of the football games on the schedule are either over or winding down, and you need something to at least listen to before you pass out, only to wake up and start the workweek grind all over again.* The JMP is the cure, your dose of laughs right before you get into the routine. You can listen in on PCR 87.9FM in the San Fransisco Area, or on the Intarwebs (which is a series of tubes) at Pirate Cat Radio dot Com or! If you want more JMP, here's some Old School Webcast JMP on YouTube as well...

And if you call in, tell 'em E-Rock sent ya...

*Ha ha, I have Monday's off! Neener neener! :P