Let Your Colors Shine

Ahhh, Easter. To the Christian faithful, a time of mourning, then celebration. For the rest of us, a time to make a gigantic mess of the kitchen table in the name of holiday fun. The age old tradition of coloring eggs for Easter is as old as... Oh, who the hell cares. The point is, it's fun. And when you go to WalMart in search of egg coloring supplies, sometimes you find the niftiest stuff.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Freestanding, Collapsible, Reusable Easter Egg Coloring Condoms.
Dunk An Egg. $1.88 at WalMart.

So, what comes in Dunk An Egg, AKA the Egg Coloring Condoms? Well, you get five color-coded condoms to dunk eggs in, a cheesy wire egg holder, five multi-colored dye tablets that look like festive, Easter-themed Ecstasy pills, and a bunch of stickers featuring eyes and mouths to decorate your finished aborted chicken fetuses with.


Now come on, I couldn't show you the condom without opening the SOB up, could I?

Here's the whole shebang, condoms in the upright position (snicker), stickers... um... smiling, and the box punched into its recycled egg drying mode.

In a kit as advanced and well-thought-out such as this, you'd think you'd get a better egg holder. Well, you'd be wrong. When I was a kid, all the Paas kits came with an identical and equally crappy wire egg holder like this one. By contrast, the kit Angel got for her older boys had a decent looking plastic one, but the handle was pretty flimsy.

The real selling point in this kit is the condoms themselves. Made of a thick plastic, they expand and collapse for storage, making them totally washable and reusable. How awesome is that? It's just grab...

Lift...

And when you're done, rinse and smush. Awesome.

So here we've tossed some eggs into each of the dye-filled condoms. As you can see...

The warm colors are more translucent, making the eggs themselves easy to see as they soak up some color.

The cold colors, however, are cursed to an eternal darkness, hiding the egg in shrouded secrecy, lest the egg be touching the side of its plastic condom prison of doom. See? Easter can be creepy, too. All it takes is a little boredom and a creative wit.

Now, here's the egg we let Teddy drop into the green condom. As you can see, it doesn't look too bad. Not finished yet, though, because...

Angel's oldest son Nathan's green egg, done in the other kit featuring reusable-yet-less-exciting plastic cups, looks alot better than the one in the condom.

Meanwhile, my blue egg is coming along decently. Here it is at an early phase, still soaking up some color in its dank, blue aquatic tomb.

Aha! A little more time with Teddy's egg shows that the color has set in better. Yes, those are rubber gloves I'm wearing. I said it was about making a mess of the kitchen table, not yourself...

Red never turns out well, and such was the case with both kits, sadly. Here's the red/pink condom egg, and it turned out fairly splotchy. For some reason, the red dyes had a habit of allowing air bubbles to form on the egg, thus preventing color from soaking in evenly. Damned tap water anyhow...

Finally, the ultimate evolution of my blue egg...

You'd think that the stickers would work like they do on the box, and have a clear outline around the eyes and mouths. Not so, as they obviously have a non-fun white border around them. Oh well, what do you want for $1.88. Hopefully, Wally World will have a few of these on special Monday, when the Easter holiday is over and people start getting back to life in general. We plan on picking up a few of these kits, if only for the reusable condoms. We can get dyes seperate... Better dyes... Yes, I'm scheming... This is my scheming face... First I raise this eyebrow, then this one...