Return of the Geek

For some reason, I'm compelled to write, and something more than 140 characters.

For the past week, being on Twitter has been something of an inspiration, I guess, to write more. The concept of short, on-point tweets (answers to the question "what are you doing now?") allows for more updating, especially since it only takes a few seconds with the right software. And, if you do it right and structure your tweets just so, you can evoke quite a few thoughts in the minds of those reading them.

On top of that, though, there's been more of a desire to be long winded as of late. Although I haven't said much of worth yet (mostly just Twitter gushing), I do feel the typing bug coming back. There are plenty of stories to be told, too, because apparently my blog has been voted a "storyblog" at Blog$hares, so I kind have an image to keep up.

This in and of itself is a story, really. My disillusionment with life in general over the course of the last, I don't know, six months, has been a rough river to shoot. Changes, fights, wins, losses, ups, downs, left hooks and right crosses; I've been running the gauntlet quite a bit. But somehow, I'm still here, living to take society on kicking and screaming another day.

Part of what keeps me going is the growing promise of Buck-It. We're ALMOST ready to go. The next few weeks involve set practicing, going over our performance sets, sorting out songs, and getting our game faces on. We're ready to come out and play and, more importantly, melt some motherfucking faces. ROCK AND FUCKING ROLL!

Why yes, I'm a little excited much, thank you for noticing!

The past few days have been spent trying to finish more of Justin's half-baked brilliant schemes involving the ManCave (TM). That man has the patience of a light particle and the planning skills of newborn lemur. But we endure, I guess, and try to do the job as best we can in light of his ever-changing designs. He still doesn't grasp the concept of space constraints, which is very frustrating. Also, if he does get a plan, he often fails to share all of the details with everyone. Chaos, but it pays the bills...

Motion: Rename April Fools Day to National Rickrolling Day

The Evidence (TM), brought to you via Twitter, from Wil and Elite WWdN Monkey Angie K.:

@wilw: My son Nolan set an alarm on my phone last night when I wasn't looking, and it just went off, Rickrolling me. Best April Fool's EVER.

@angiek42: @wilw Dude, that's awesome. Nolan wins at April Fool's Day.

Seconds, anyone? Anyone? Bhuler? The Great Depression...

Twitter-pated

-1 for the obvious lame joke title, but it fits, and its the only one I could think of. Yay me.

So yeah, four days on Twitter, and I'm already addicted. It's a nifty little service, really. So far, I've kept up on what Wil Wheaton (@wilw) is reading, Brent Spiner's (@BrentSpiner) adventures in - well, I don't know if its rehab or just a sort of psychotherapy, he hasn't been too clear on that one, and Weird Al Yankovic's (@alyankovic) down payment on his Tesla Model S, which he says will arrive in 3-5 years (much like Verizon FiOS in my neck of the woods). I also caught the tweet announcing the name of Alyson Hannigan's (@alysonhannigan) newborn baby: Satyana.

PS: Alyson and Alexis - Congratulations, and that has to be one of the most unique and beautiful baby names I've ever heard!

I was going to write in this post about a new Twitter-related quest, to get a celebrity response. But, as of this writing, that's already happened! Turns out that there's a bug on Twitter which causes your personal icon to go either totally gray or totally black, which some figure is a result of switching your icon image. A tweet came in from author Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) on the subject, and I tweeted in reply that the same thing had happened to author John Scalzi (@scalzi) and is still happening to author Corey Doctorow (@doctorow). Scalzi replied to both Neil and me! How awesome is that? Quest achieved even before I announced it!

A screencap before it goes the way of the digital dodo...

Awesomeness!

So yeah, I'll be adding I've added a Follow Me on Twitter link to the sidebar sometime soon. Everyone can thank Twitter for forcing my return to the blogosphere, and making it fun to blog again!

Addendum: After I posted this, I checked out my Clustermaps archive. With a hit last week from Africa, The Lost Prophyt Blog has been officially read on six of seven continents, the only exception being (not surprisingly) Antarctica. Thanks to everyone who has ever stopped (or will stop) by: You helped me go global, and for that, you have my thanks!

... in which Eric signs up for Twitter...

Yep, I'm on the Twitterwaves now. I tweet. Or however that's supposed to be, I don't know. I'm always late to the hip stuff...

You can find me @lostprophyt. It's quick and clean, so I'll update it more than I do this blog. But then again, that won't devalue this blog, either. Some things just can't be said in less than 160 characters...

Karaoke Contest 2: Electric Boogaloo

So yeah. Remember last year, when I got ripped off by a single judge because I wasn't female?

This year, not so much.

The first semifinal of the 2nd annual Karaoke Contest at the Moshannon Valley Super Bowl was last night. And wouldn't you know it, both of last year's winners - Autumn and Mike - were competing alongside me for the coveted three spots in the finals (the other three will be decided this coming Friday).

And in a not-so-stunning non-upset, BOTH WENT HOME.

That's right: I made it, they didn't. Or to be more specific:

AUTUMN WENT HOME.

That's called Karma. Autumn, while talented, did NOT best me either night. The first time, she got lucky because one judge wanted a female to go on to New York. This time, Autumn didn't have that safety net. She was judged on what she was supposed to be judged on (unlike last time), and she got the final answer: Sorry, honey. You're just not good enough to beat me in a fair fight.

Your decision to compete last night sealed your fate: There were way too many talented people in the field for you to even think you'd have a chance. Honestly, you would have fared better had you waited til next week. That's what Tim did: He took one look at the field for this week and said "Holy crap, not good, I gotta change up."

I have a feeling that's why Tim - who has been a most awesome friend of mine since way back in elementary school - will be joining me in the finals. I know I'm going to cheer him on this coming Friday.

And what the hell were you thinking?!? Jill had already sang "What's Up," and I might add, she did it a hell of alot better than you did! That decision right there only added an extra nail to the coffin. You sounded like a copycat: Especially given how many times you went up to Rhett's table to (apparently) consider a replacement song (three by my count)!

I can blame my apparent failure last year on a judge. This year, you can only blame your failure on yourself.

Me? I came in third last night, so I have some work to do. I wasn't expecting this Michelle girl to come out of nowhere and dominate the evening! And I had declared Tim's friend Barb a dark hourse after her warm-up performance, and I was right - she came in second! Congrats to both ladies on fine performances!

See? I'm not a conceited douchenozzel, am I!

But seriously: I've got my work cut out for me for next week. A straight performance simply won't be enough. Last night's two-for of power ("Fat Bottomed Girls" and "Come Sail Away") was good, and I had a ton of fun doing it, but it lacked something. I think I know what that something is, and I think I know how to correct it. So, for the next 14 days, it's practice time.

Meanwhile, I present the table's general concensus on what you have to do next time:

1) Branch out. Find some new songs. I have yet to do a single song I've done in this competition twice, and that includes songs I did last year. A good variety is the spice of life! Don't stay in your comfort zone, grow a pair and try new songs.

2) Ditch Homie. That advice goes for the rest of $9 Porno as well: You guys are awesome musically, but you need a new singer. Seriously.

3) Don't Copy. Also, don't do "Rapper's Delight." As we discovered last night, that song is tantamount to Contest Suicide.

4) RickRoll the crowd. I did, and from that moment on, I had lots of fun. Fun, in the end, is what it's all about.

OK, it's about fun, but its also about the difference between $500 cash money and a $100 gift certificate to the bowling alley. Daddy needs a new XBox 360, so Daddy wants cold hard Benjamins. All five of 'em...

Boycott 2: Electric Boogaloo

Scroll down a bit, and you'll see the prequel.

You know, I'm not really surprised. Of all the people who've talked to me about Corey's situation, only one has held the opposite belief. They accused me of being nosey, butting into other people's lives, and a bunch of other useless drivel that you'd expect from someone who would defend a heinous act.

The point is this: I don't care how you try to justify it. What Corey did was selfish and oh-so-very wrong on so many levels. He's taking advantage of the genuine sympathy shown by other people and using their generosity to further his own ends. The money they give, they give for Chloe.

Not for Corey to order a Yuengling.

Once I learned what happened, I was sickened. Here's a guy I've called one of my best friends for well over 16 years, and he's doing this? And he did this WHILE CHLOE WAS ALIVE. He took money meant for her bills and used it to get his buzz on.

How the fuck can you possibly justify that?!?

The only correct answer is, you absolutely can't.

I don't care how much stress the situation puts you under. Anyone - especially a child - dying is NO FUCKING EXCUSE to take money donated to them (and them ALONE) and use it to get drunk.

Don't tell me about stress. Don't tell me about depression. Don't tell me about how it was only a few bucks, it wouldn't matter.

I may never understand the horror of losing a child - Hell I don't even know if I'm really a father yet. But I DO understand that losing a child is no excuse to behave like this. People won't simply "understand" why you're using Chloe's money to get yourself a beer. They'll think "Hey, that's money for Chloe's expenses. You shouldn't be using it like that."

And you know what? That's EXACTLY what everyone thinks. It's not just me. I'm not doing it for personal attention. What can I possibly gain from pointing this out? Corey hasn't done anything wrong to me, so I have no motive for petty revenge. You know what this is about? This is about DOING THE RIGHT GODDAMNED THING.

Now, let me make this perfectly clear: I am IN NO WAY demeaning Chloe's life and memory. As I said before, no child should ever have to endure the painful nightmare that is any type of cancer, let alone just Lukemia. It wasn't fair to her that she developed this condition. It wasn't fair to her that she was robbed of being a happy, healthy little girl. It wasn't fair to her that she didn't get to grow up, play with other kids, go to school, find a career, fall in love, get married, have kids of her own, grow old, have grandkids, maybe even some great-grandkids, live out her life in peace and happiness and die as most folks do.

It also wasn't fair for Corey to take money given to support her and head to the bar to get himself a cold one.

Think about it this way: All those things taken away from Chloe? Corey will experience them. But he'll have to do it knowing that he leeched of a little girl - his own daughter - when she needed the help the most, both before and after she died.

How is that fair to Chloe?

This isn't about me. This isn't about you. This is about Chloe, and for once, being fair to her, and to the people who gave of themselves for her - the people who's kindness Corey abused.

Dear Mom and Dad

I hope the two of you die in a fire.

Seriously. I hope you do.

With no love anymore,

Your once-upon-a-time son,

Eric.

Enough: Boycott the Hooven Benefit This Weekend

I'm sorry, Corey, but this has to be said, and I'm going to be the one to say it.

First of all, I want to clarify that I am in no way demeaning, slandering, or otherwise badmouthing the life, death, and memory of Chloe Hooven. What happened to her, no child should ever endure, but the sad truth is, some do. Life sucks like that. It's wrong, but it happens.

But, at some point, you have to draw a line, Corey. I'm drawing that line right now.

I'm asking everyone to boycott the Chloe Hooven "benefit" this weekend at Mel's Inn (formerly Pete N' Mel's) in Morrisdale, PA.

Yes, BOYCOTT.

Sadly, Corey, you haven't been 100% with everyone, have you. You took one too many trips to the well. The can? That was the last straw. There's no justification for behavior like that, dude. None. Not even the tragic death of your daughter. In fact, even trying to explain your actions within that context only makes it worse, man.

I'm intentionally dancing around saying what Corey has done, mostly because I want you all to ask him about it. "What's the deal with the can, Corey?" "What did you do with the can, Corey?" These are questions I'd personally like answers to.

If you do go, go only to find out what I'm talking about. Don't pay the cover, and don't stay long. Show Mel some love and buy at least one drink, but as for the benefit, just say no. The bands involved aren't making any money, so they're not losing.

Yeah, I know. I'm telling people to not show up at shows being played by my friends. I'm sorry guys, but once you know what's really going on, you'll also get where I'm coming from on this. Ben, Chris, and especially Greg: I know I said you're not losing anything by playing these shows, but once it all comes out in the wash, you really are losing, and it sucks, because you guys are just trying to do something good.

You're just being used. There is a good reason why we said no to Corey, and Corey knows exactly what that reason is. It's his responsibility to tell people, and to ultimately go down with the very ship he himself torpedoed.

I wish I could say that the heart's in the right place on this one, but at its core, it's all stone and yeast pee, and that's just not right at all. I just can't keep (totally) quiet about this.

Repent, Corey Lee Hooven. It'll take a while to be forgiven, but the sooner you start, the sooner it'll happen...

Musings: Contests, Video Games, Music and More...

Greetings, Programs!

You have no fucking idea how jazzed I am about that link. And this link? Blew my gourd, man. I can't fucking wait! End of line...

This is the part where I talk about not posting anything for a while, and give weak, thinly-veiled excuses as to why. I'll let you all imagine how you think this line should go, this time...

Let's see. First comes contests. Remember that Karaoke Contest from last year? The one where I got totally screwed out of the second winner's spot (the first went to Mike Williams, who totally deserved it IMHO) because I simply wasn't a chick? The one where people kept telling me I got robbed? The one that got me the gig singing for Buck-It? Yeah, that one.

Time for Round Two, motherfuckers. Same contest, different DJ, same faces entering. No surprise, really. Of course, Mike was in week one, and early on last night (week three), it didn't seem like there'd be much competition.

And now, for the funny: Last years "Winner," Autumn Keifer, shows up, right? You'd think, "Hey, she beat Eric last year, right? Shouldn't she qualify over him?" Well, you'd think wrong. Not only did I take the top qualifying spot, but Autumn was beaten out of the second spot by another of last years' finalists, Jill Reed! See? SEE?!?

Sorry, Autumn, but let's face it: The only way you made it last year was because you lucked out: The one judge insisted on a female winner, instead of giving it to the true winner based on pure talent. I had you beat. I still have the video to prove it, too. And this year, you had best believe you won't be lucking out. This time, it's about the Cash Money, playa, and I'm about to get me those ends. Three places, three cash prizes. Mike Wills and I are taking two of them for sure. Whether or not you get the third is up to you. You had best bring your A Game and step it up a notch: There won't be any judging flukes this time...

I've been playing a whole bunch of Fable 2 lately over at Mikey's. Great game, great improvement over the original Fable: The Lost Chapters, but it still has a few drawbacks. Most notably, it's still too damned short. They really need to go multi-disc, because there's too much wait time between DLC updates, and the first of these (Knothole Island) was itself pretty freakin' short. Come on now, chaps! You can do better than this!

I'll know more in a few hours, but it looks as though Buck-It could be doing a show at Electric Avenue on the 31st, splitting the gig with our friends in Moxie. Their bassist, TJ, was Buck-It's bassist when I first joined the band.

Let's see, what else is there. Not much, really. I can't make any promises as to when I'll post anything. The semifinals for the contest aren't until late March (you've got 12 more weeks to qualify, Autumn, good luck), so there won't be much ranting about that anytime soon. Going to try and pick up the booking schedule for the band, see if we can't make 2009 our comeback year and get ready for Odyssey Two next year...

Lettuce! Give Thanks!

Things I am thankful for on Thanksgiving, 2008:

My life. Given to me by my parents, not some silly invisible man in the sky. And the fact that, to this day, I've lived it on my own terms, and managed to get this far alive.

Hope for the Future. Long has it been since I've felt any. Yes We DID ^,^

The fact that I'm still standing after all these years.

That the 14 years of my life I spent chasing a dream weren't all for not.

The possibility that I just might be an honest-to-jeebus father. Yeah, that's right. Someone calls me "dad." Suck it, haters. My offspring will demolish yours. Muahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!

That I have friends like the many that I have. You guys and girls rock harder than anyone has rocked hard in the history of people rocking hard. E Pluribus, Unum.

My Family. Sure, we have our differences. But in the end, we're still a family, and love is still unconditional.

That I have this outlet, and the will to use it, and that some of you actually take time out to read the stupid shit I say on it. Stay tuned, more to come...

Most of all, though, on a purely geek-life level, I'm thankful for all of the seemingly-impossible saving throws I've made against Life's Bullshit. It's as if my d20 was blessed by Gygax himself. I'm exceptionally fortunate to be where I am today, and to have the chances that lie ahead in the near future.

Someday, it'll all come together, the loose ends tied up and the final curtain lowered. But for now, the trip is fun, the rope is holding strong, and the stage lights aren't all that blinding...

The Revelation

Cross-posted at my MySpace Blog

Have I ever mentioned how awesome Andy Howard is? Yeah, well, guess what.

He. Is. AWESOME.

So we polish up a few tunes at band practice today, and the time comes, before Dave has to roll out for work, for us to kick around new tune ideas. We're constantly trying to expand our arsenal, recently adding some new Metallica (Cyanide) and Offspring (You're Gonna Go Far Kid). There's some obscure stuff in there, too, like Arcade's "Tow Truck," and, after today, something that makes me very, very happy indeed.

At Andy's suggestion, Buck-It will be covering the one and only...

KMFDM

Yes, I'm in a band that's gonna do KMFDM tunes! HOW FUCKING AWESOME? REAL FUCKING AWESOME!

KMFDM ranks as one of my three all time favorite bands (the others being Pink Floyd and Tool), and to be with a group of awesome musicians who are all quite eager to cover something from them... Wow. I'm really blown away by the opportunity.

In case you're wondering, the song in question will be Juke-Joint Jezebel. For those of you who aren't familiar with KMFDM, the track can be found on the soundtracks to both the first Mortal Kombat and Bad Boys movies. It's probably the KMFDM track the mainstream recognizes the most, given the exposure it got on those two discs. I don't know what kid didn't have a copy of the soundtrack to MK when it came out, but they weren't in my circle of friends, that's for sure.

And that was a pretty big circle at that time.

But to have Andy suggest it. Not me, who you'd think would try to push a track by such an obscure band through. I said, though, that I also wasn't surprised. "Tow Truck" was Andy's idea, and he's tossed forth songs by The Members and Type O Negative as well. Not really what you'd call mainstream, right? Right. So it's not really that far-fetch'd to think that Andy would pick up on a KMFDM track.

Bob remarked about how it had a Rob Zombie feel. ROFLMAO! KMFDM predates Zombie by a year, having formed in 1984 as part of a Multimedia Art presentation. Afterwards, they moved almost straightaway into experimenting with the then infant Industrial sound, becoming one of the driving forces of the genre, which Zombie would later contribute classic tracks to as well.

Dave likes the Zombie feel to it as well, which pretty much seals the deal: Buck-It is doing Juke-Joint Jezebel. ROCK! \m/ Andy and I will be splitting vocal duties, which is always fun, and it's a pretty driving tune all-around. Look it up on YouTube if you must, but be warned. KMFDM, once heard, can be addicting. VERY addicting. Trust me...

I Am...

...proud to have voted for the first President of Black American descent. Remember, Barack Obama is mixed race.

...hopeful that he can lead our country back in the right direction.

...a registered Independent.

...a fiscal conservative and a social liberal.

...in favor of Gay Marriage. It doesn't bother me, because it's not my business.

...Pro-Choice. Again, it's not my business what people choose to do with their lives.

...confident that my America will come back to me. It's been gone since the late '90s, and I miss it dearly.

...a firm believer that charges should be filed against George W. Bush and key members of his administration for their conduct during the so-called "War on Terror."

...not going to be complacent in what has taken place this past week.

...mindful, aware, and will be paying very close attention to what is done as a result.

...not giving Mr. Obama a free ride. He has to prove himself now.

...both confident and hopeful that he, in fact, will prove himself and do what's right for all of the people of this once-great nation.

...hungry, and would like a sammich.

...going to get up and make myself one at some point.

...still trying to gather the motivation, however...

Happy Birthday, Eric...

Yes. We. Can.

And we fucking DID.

The following groups and individuals can officially suck it: White Power Retards, Racists, Bigots, The KKK, John McCain, George W. Bush, Bill O'Reily, Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, Sarah "Caribou Barbie" Palin, Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh, the rotting corpses of Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon, John Sununu, Elizabeth Dole, Rudolph Giuliani, Mike Huckabee...

And any absolute moron who ever though PRESIDENT-ELECT BARACK OBAMA was Muslim, not an American Citizen, or a Socialist.

The late Owen Hart had a catchphrase: Enough is Enough, and it's Time for a Change. Today, we have that change.

And its the greatest birthday gift I've ever received in my entire life.

We The People

In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the course of human Events, it becomes necessary for one People to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth, the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the Separation.

We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed.

That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and to institute a new Government, laying its Foundation on such Principles, and organizing its Powers in such Form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient Causes; and accordingly all Experience hath shewn, that Mankind are more disposed to suffer, while Evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the Forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long Train of Abuses and Usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a Design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their Right, it is their Duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future Security.

Such has been the patient Sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the Necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The History of the Present King of Great-Britain is a History of repeated Injuries and Usurpations, all having in direct Object the Establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid World.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public Good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing Importance, unless suspended in their Operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the Accommodation of large Districts of People; unless those People would relinquish the Right of Representation in the Legislature, a Right inestimable to them, and formidable to Tyrants only.

He has called together Legislative Bodies at Places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the Depository of their public Records, for the sole Purpose of fatiguing them into Compliance with his Measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly Firmness his Invasions on the Rights of the People.

He has refused for a long Time, after such Dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the Dangers of Invasion from without, and Convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the Population of these States; for that Purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their Migrations hither, and raising the Conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the Tenure of their Offices, and Amount and Payment of their Salaries.

He has erected a Multitude of new Offices, and sent hither Swarms of Officers to harass our People, and eat out their Substance.

He has kept among us, in Times of Peace, Standing Armies, without the consent of our Legislature.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a Jurisdiction foreign to our Constitution, and unacknowledged by our Laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large Bodies of Armed Troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from Punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all Parts of the World:

For imposing taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us, in many Cases, of the Benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond the Seas to be tried for pretended Offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an arbitrary Government, and enlarging its Boundaries, so as to render it at once an Example and fit Instrument for introducing the same absolute Rule in these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with Powers to legislate for us in all Cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our Towns, and destroyed the Lives of our People.

He is, at this Time, transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to complete the Works of Death, Desolation, and Tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and Perfidy, scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous Ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized Nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the Executioners of their Friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic Insurrections among us, and has endeavoured to bring on the Inhabitants of our Frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known Rule of Warfare, is an undistinguished Destruction, of all Ages, Sexes and Conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions we have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble Terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated Injury. A Prince, whose Character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the Ruler of a free People.

Nor have we been wanting in Attentions to our British Brethren. We have warned them from Time to Time of Attempts by their Legislature to extend an unwarrantable Jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the Circumstances of our Emigration and Settlement here. We have appealed to their native Justice and Magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the Ties of our common Kindred to disavow these Usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our Connections and Correspondence. They too have been deaf to the Voice of Justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the Necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of Mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace, Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the World for the Rectitude of our Intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly Publish and Declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be, Free and Independent States; that they are absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political Connection between them and the State of Great-Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm Reliance on the Protection of the divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

Signed by ORDER and
in BEHALF OF THE CONGRESS
JOHN HANCOCK,
PRESIDENT.

ATTEST.
CHARLES THOMSON,
SECRETARY.

The important part is in bold, my emphasis. Wake the fuck up, people. It's time. In an election where we hear twisted versions of what the Founding Fathers wanted for our country, it's time we looked back and really paid attention to what they wrote down.

This document is the absolute foundation of this nation. That provision showed that our founders, when faced with an oppressive and corrupt government, believed it was their right - their motherfucking DUTY - to rise up and cast off that government, and start over again in the fairest way possible.

Where it's due: Text copied from Wikisource, font weight changes and the centering of the first line by me. The Declaration of Independence is a Government work, and is therefore in the public domain, something else our government has forgotten about with regards to more modern works and copyright law.

An Open Letter To Governer Ed Rendell

Dear Governer Rendell:

Fuck you.

Furthermore, fuck you.

I am a smoker. It was my choice. In this country, we have the FREEDOM to CHOOSE, even to kill ourselves with this nasty fucking habit.

For taking away my freedom to smoke where the fuck I want, when the fuck I want, all I have to say is the following:

1. Fuck you.
2. Fuck your ideals.
3. I hope you fucking DIAF.
4. If you don't know what DIAF means, try ACTUALLY CONNECTING WITH THE PEOPLE YOU SUPPOSEDLY GOVERN SO WELL.

It is in your best interest to not show up at the next Bud George Picnic. If you do, you run the risk of becoming my personal ashtray.

Fuck you.

With no sincerity whatsoever,

Eric Jacobson, Smoker, and one of the 12 million people who pays your fucking salary, over half of which are likely what? Smokers.