Employee's Revenge

Last night, at 3:30 in the morning, Justin knocks on my door and wakes me up - to come take and Photoshop pictures of him again. He had some taken already, and those were the first I 'shopped. Of these, one gave me a most excellent idea. And now, for waking me up at 3:30 in the morning, I present my revenge, courtesy of my twisted mind, Photoshop and GIS:


Evil. I am it.

Get Off My Fucking Lawn

That title? Sing it to the tune of the high-note "I Want My MTV" line from near the end of Dire Straits' "Money for Nothing." Yeah. Fits, doesn't it.

And hey, speaking of the former most awesome network ever, lookie here at what transpired at the once-vaunted and now-comical "Video Music" Awards:

Once upon a time, there was a video of Kanye crashing the stage here. But MTV is a bunch of douches, as I'll speak on in a minute. I can't find a postable video anywhere right now.

First of all: MTV hasn't been MTV for years. What was once Music Television is now just Television du Craptastique. Music Videos have been relegated to expensive digital-only sister networks or the wee hours of the morning on basic cable. Once, the Music Video stood as a proud artistic expression platform, broadcast 24 hours a day, seven days a week, thus justifying an awards ceremony like the VMAs. Those halcyon days - much to the dismay of Generation Xers (and up) like me everywhere - are long since gone.

If you don't really have music videos anymore, why have a Video Music Awards?

Second of all: This just in from Ric Romero - Kanye West is officially a bigger douchebag than Simon Cowell, Hitler, Pol Pot, and Glenn Beck combined. In fact, I'm gonna say that, even though we're only 9 years into it, Kanye has officially locked up the Douchebag of the 21st Century title. And this is taking George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, AND Bernie Madoff into account.

Whoever the fuck Kanye West thinks he is, he honest and for-truly isn't, by any stretch of the LSD-expanded imagination.

We're talking about a man who says his biggest regret is 'never being able to see [himself] perform live.' Hey Kanye, I'll do you a favor and tell you what I think of your live performances, few of them that I've seen: YOU'RE NOTHING SPECIAL TO WATCH, JACKHOLE.

I highly doubt that Beyonce appreciated what Kanye did at all, given the fact that she invited Taylor Swift up on stage with her later that evening. If you ask me, she looked pretty fucking embarrassed. Nice job, there, you fucking egomaniac.

Hey Kanye, I hate to say it, but this industry won't need you for much longer. It most certainly doesn't see you as the great you seem to think you are, bucco. You're a dime-a-dozen pop entertainer with nothing special to offer, other than a seemingly in-born ability to act like a colossal asshat and generate controversy as a result.

There's nothing special about your music. You've built your career on the backs of other artists (Daft Punk and Shirley Bassey come to mind) and aren't really all that fit to even stand in the shadows of entertainers like Marvin Gaye, Issac Hayes, Barry White, George Clinton, Tupac Shakur, Smokey Robinson, early solo Michael Jackson, Quincy Jones, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Lionel Richie - fuck, even ROCKWELL got Jacko to sing backups for him. Where's your pull?

Funny - Rockwell makes more money now with "Somebody's Watching Me" being in all those Geico commercials, while nobody's really doing anything with your music.

Hey Kanye: Do us all a favor and go the hell away. Take your over-inflated, self-serving ego out into the desert - where it can't choke the life and respect out of anything around you - and do some soul searching. You're quickly becoming less famous for your music and more famous for the fact that you're a blithering sot.

Much as I don't really care for Taylor Swift, you seriously owe both her and Beyonce Knowles a couple of apologies the size of your head - which is exponentially artificially enlarged. After that, be gone with you, and never return to these lands...

Facing The Hate

From @denyreligion comes this link to a quick Proud Atheists post with the following video clip. XM host Michelangelo Signorile (@msignorile) is interviewing "Pastor"* Steven Anderson, the current hate-monger-of-the-moment:

Now first of all, I really have to hand it to Signorile: There's NO WAY I would have been able to resist flipping out on this man. People who rationalize absolute stupidity - and preach it to adults and children alike every Sunday - just drive me insane. Had it been an in-studio interview, I probably would have shown him what a criminal act really is.

Not good, and very counter-productive to our cause, I know. But that's how these people make me feel. This extreme kind of bob-and-weave reasoning is unhealthy to the human mind. It's like a poison that attacks what you know about right and wrong and warps it into some mutant form of gray matter palsy-induced pseudo-morality, rationalized by circular reasoning and outright lies.

Look. If you plot and carry out the murder of another human being - no matter what that target person does or has done - you are guilty of murder in the first degree, and should be punished accordingly. Life in prison, death, whatever sentence is handed down by either a Judge or a Jury of your peers - accept it.

This country wasn't founded solely on "God's Law." It just so happens that "God's Laws" are quite similar to the laws of Reason: It's wrong to kill, duh. It's wrong to steal, duh. It's wrong to fuck your buddy's wife, duh. It's wrong to lie, duh. But that's pretty much where the similarities end.

A freethinker knows it's wrong to hate someone for some petty reason, like skin color or sexual orientation, or even political views. Duh. But "God's Law" says that hate is perfectly OK, condemning - with prejudice - lifestyles with a peculiar selectiveness. It's OK to hate anyone that's different, "God's Law" says. Really? And here I grew up thinking hate was wrong and stupid. Silly me...

A freethinker knows it's wrong to try and impose your beliefs on someone else. Duh. We don't actively go recruiting - all we do is find folks who think the same way, and then we congregate and discuss stuff. Gee, just like you practitioners of "God's Law" do every Sunday! The big difference here is, folks like them are always trying to add to the flock. They're always trying to convince you that God makes them happier than they ever have been in their lives (how, I still don't know), and that there's no other way for you to be that happy unless you think exactly the same way they do.

That's the whole "With us or against us" mentality that not only spawned an illegal war in Iraq, but the very mentality that has divided this Nation like never before - Even during the Civil War.

A freethinker knows that a House Divided Shall Fall. Duh. But no, not "God's Law" followers. They're willfully ignorant of that little nugget of advice. No, they gleefully tip the balance, drive the wedge, pull out the fulcrum, take your pick. And they do so, happily, in the name of God. Gee, thanks, Fundies.

Former Minnisota Governor Jesse "The Body/Mind/Governing Body" Ventura once said in a Playboy interview that "Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers." I'd like to expand on that a bit. You see, it's these same weak-minded people who become the pawns of people like "Pastor"* Anderson. People like him see an oppertunity: If they exploit the fears and beliefs of these people, they can use them to gather strength for their own bigoted, hate-fueled outlook on life, and turn it into a political force.

Rationality and Common Sense should tell EVERYBODY - Atheist, Christian, whatever - that that is most certainly wrong.

Duh.

*I've known plenty of Pastors in my lifetime, and this man is nothing like the Pastors I have known. All have been kind, tolerant people who don't preach venom and bile - just misinformation, unfortunately.

Go Time

Summer is over.

Baseball is not enough.

We need something bigger. And tonight, we finally get what we want.

It's the NFL. It's Steelers-Titans. And this week, it counts.

And now, folks, gaze upon the logo and, unless you're a citizen of the Pittsburgh Nation, cower in fear:


For the next 18 weeks, this is the logo to chase. Our Steelers are the defending Super Bowl champions. This is Sixburgh Football, going for the second ring for the second hand. We are the ones to beat. No sports writer outside of New England would dare rank the Patriots above the Steelers. Those that do shall be shown the errors of their ways.

Smash-mouth. In your face. Hard-hitting. Bone-crunching. Blue-collar. Blitzburgh.

Just three more hours, and the season begins. It's Football Season, kids! Grab your tortilla chips and salsa, because we're getting ready to go to war.

Let us sort-of pray:

Oh, made-up Gods of Sport and Competition, look down upon the Steeler nation with favor this night. Give our gladiators the strength, drive, and will to drive for the ball, find the open man, plug the hole, sack the quarterback, and otherwise maketh the most holy Big Play. Grant them favor when the zebra man throweth his tiny yellow flag, and give the replay official high-def picture and clarity of vision during challenges. In the name of the Lombardi, The Tomlin, and the Holy Bradshaw, rAmen.

Are you ready for some football? You'd best fucking believe I am!

By Candlelight's Glow

w00t! Give it up for Angela, my longtime friend, who came along with me to the Candlelight Red show at Mojo's three weeks ago and brought with her the means to videotape what you now see before you:

CandleLight Red w/guest vocals Eric

Many thanks to Josh, Jeremy, Adam and especially Ryan, the boys in Candlelight Red, for letting me come up on stage and rock some Nena by way of Goldfinger. Enjoy, folks!

Left Behind... At Last!

Found lolgod through @MovingToMontana today, and there I found probably the best comic I've seen in quite a while. Screw prophets with bombs for hats, THIS is some spot-on commentary right here!


There's only one reason that Atheists secretly hope that the Rapture is real, and this is it. That would mean people like Pat Robertson, Fred Phelps, and all those altar boy-molesting freaks in the Vatican - Gone.

Enjoy the LOL, everyone!

One Ring to Find Them...

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes oh yes OH FUCK YES. At last, at last! Enough repeating! The Tolkien Estate and New Line have settled, thank Eru Illuvitar! Join in the merriment and geek-bashing that is the Fark Thread!

So, why is this good news? It clears the way for the Peter Jackson-produced, Guillermo del Torro-directed two-part over-hyphenated Hobbit adaptation! For those who are only familiar with the Peter Jackson trilogy and not Professor Tolkien's original work, The Hobbit follows the journey of one Bilbo Baggins (Ian Holm in the Trilogy) as he and a party of Dwarves travel to the Lonely Mountain of Erebor. Of course, along the way, he happens upon a magic ring that makes him invisible, setting off the events that culminate in the epic War of the Ring as told in the LotR trilogy.

This comes on the heels of Ian McKellan (Gandalf) letting slip the fact that the role of Bilbo has indeed been cast, although there's no idea who it will turn out to be just yet. All we know is, according to McKellan, that people will be very happy with the decision.

So, is it Holm? Does he still have the spark enough to take on the role that made him famous to a whole new generation? I hope so! Holm is a great actor, and one of my favorites of his is the legendary Time Bandits, wherein he appeared as Napoleon. Technology has obviously progressed to the point where we can believably de-age an actor or actress (see Clu in the upcoming TR2N, to be played by Jeff Bridges, or Benjamin Button), so Holm is a viable choice indeed, especially given the techniques perfected in Jackson's films using body doubles.

Whoever it is, though, we'll finally get to see The Hobbit on the big screen in live-action, nearly 75 years after it was first published. Fellow geeks, can I get a w00t!

Out

So, are you out?

Does that question make any of you uncomfortable? Probably a few, since some of you are a bit homophobic, or maybe defensive of your sexuality for some reason. I'm not here to judge that. But when the vast majority of Americans hear that someone is "coming out," they think that someone is letting the world know that they're gay.

That's not always the case, of course,. It isn't always a sexual thing, either. In fact, coming out as a homosexual is really just the tip of the iceburg. There's all kinds of coming out! The kind we tend to focus on here is coming out as an Atheist, Agnostic, Freethinker or Secular Humanist. Off the top of my head, here are a few examples.

Trekkies - Oh yeah, you knew that was tops on this list. I'm an out Trekkie, just not the stereotypical uber-Trekkies you think of when you hear the term used. Hellz yeah I loves me some Star Trek! And there are literally tens of millions of people like me who are fans in some form or another of it. But a lot of people also ridicule the Trekkie, based on the extreme stereotype that some fans have managed to get associated with the name. It's fear of that rebuke that still keeps some Trekkies closeted, and often makes it tough for them to come out.

Furries - Every culture has a dark side, although I'm not quite sure where the Furverts fit in. I mention them because they're a very small niche culture that's often shunned, even by the somewhat-larger niche culture they tend to co-exist with. Obviously, coming out as a Furvert is on par with coming out gay, and might even be harder, given the peculiarity of the whole thing.

Potheads - Let's face it, folks: Pot is what it is, and its out there. It's legality is what keeps people in the closet, obviously, but some folks are taking a stand of some sort. Al Gore admitted during his 2000 Presidential run that he had, indeed, smoked pot, and that no one held a gun to his head. Tommy Chong? Duh. Woody Harrelson, same difference. The members of 311, pretty much any solo or group rapper out there, I can go on for days. But now Medical Marijuana is legal in some states, and some states are even decriminalizing possession and making it a summary offense instead of a major crime. Will this help? We'll see.

Male Soap Opera Fans - You know you're out there, guys. And we know why you're quiet. But we won't question your masculinity just because you like daytime serials. I can sympathize on at least one level: The stories are probably better than anything Vince McMahon has put on TV in the last 10 years. This group can also include guys who like Chick Flicks, Oprah, Lifetime, or novels with a Fabio clone on the cover. Heh heh heh. Hey Butt-head: Man-din-go! Heh heh heh...

Mainstream Religions Themselves - Depending on what part of the world you live in, people might seriously be afraid of admitting to what denomination they adhere. In some places, being Muslim isn't enough: you have to be Shia or Sunni or whatever. Some instances can even get you killed in some crazy holy scrap. Yeah, it can be that bad, even for the Mainstream religions.

And then there's us - Atheists. While America may not an 'officially' Christian nation, it is most certainly dominated by Christianity as a whole per capita. Fully 90% or more Americans probably claim the carpenter from Nazareth as their personal savior through one denomination or another, and probably 80% of those have a tendency to look down on us. To the individual Secularist, it can seem like overwhelming odds: The community at large, members of their own family, other loved ones, all some form of Christian, and all with the desire to share it.

To say words like "I don't believe" takes more courage than they can seem to muster. Coming out as an Atheist means condemnation from those that, up until you came out, once smiled and welcomed you into their lives. It means distrust simply because you don't believe in any God, let alone theirs. It means discrimination for that same reason alone. It means dirty looks, whispers behind upheld hands, and even a measure of fear of what you are, simply because you're different.

Yeah, coming out as a Secularist can be a pretty scary thing. It will mean fights with family and friends sometimes, and it will mean a whole bunch of confusion as to why they can't accept you for how you are now, even though they accepted you as you were for all these past years.

But it doesn't mean you're alone. Coming out can be like sending up a flare. It can be like standing on the deck of a carrier signaling an incoming fighter pilot. It can be like standing at the highest point available to you and saying "Hey! I'm here!"

And you know what? Someone else will see that signal. Someone else - someone who thinks very similarly to you - will hear you shouting, see you waving flags, and they will reach out and help pull you out of the fog.

Because that's how we roll. With us, it's about Humanity, and what we can do to help it along.

Remember: Ubi dubium ibi libertas - Where there is doubt, there is freedom.

And more importantly, there are friends waiting there for you, too...

Do You Really Want To Know?

So yeah, I'm surfing teh Intartubes this morning, and a strange thought crosses my mind as I'm going through my morning Tweets: All these groups of Atheists all over the place, but are there any close to home?

Teh Google, light the way in the darkness of Cyberspace...

...and show me one particularly interesting link. To save you the trouble, I'll do all the obligatory click-through nonsense to reach the final, most-recently-updated destination: Pennsylvania Nonbelivers. Aha! I knew there was at least one organization! Take that, Pat Robertson! Anyway, they have a map of organizations in Pennsylvania, and out of 52 total Counties, all of 12 have groups. 12! There are 40 Counties in my home state that lack any sort of Atheist/Humanist/Agnostic/Freethought society.

Sadly, that list of 40 includes my home of Clearfield County. Well, that sucks.

There are of course groups in Centre County: With Penn State's main campus at its core, it's hard to believe that there wouldn't be any secular groups there. How many are there in reality, though? The truth is, I'm not sure: It's either two, or one. The sure bet is the Penn State Atheist Agnostic Association - they have a Facebook page as well. The other group's site seems to redirect to some sort of "Days Until" calendar website. I checked: Yes, they DO list Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Blair County was highlighted as a candidate, too. But the first group's site redirects to the host provider, so no dice there. The second group has no site, only an email addy that indicates the group is centered at Penn State's Altoona Campus.

Two Student orgs, and I haven't been any sort of student in damn-near precisely 10 years. Plus, Altoona and State College, while not really all that far, aren't trips I can really afford to make with any regularity. Also plus, given that it IS Penn State, I'm a bit wary: While I live the Blue and White as a life-long PSU fan, that place can sometimes be a little too liberal for me. And I'm a freakin' liberal!

So, I guess there's only one thing that I can do - it's Ding-a-ding-dang my dang-a-long-ling-long. See what I get for listening to Ministry when I type? Ohy...

Anyway, seriously, I guess I don't really have much of an option. I'm just going to have to start something on my own and see what happens.

Funny thought: Christians like to think that the Magic Sky Pixie "calls" on them to do things. In a more secular light, an Atheist like me may feel like something they do is a "calling" of sorts. For years, I've known of and worked within mine: I'm an entertainer. But lately, I've been thinking that I've got another "call" to answer, and again not from God's hotline.

It's time to wake the sleeping outcasts and rally them to the soapbox...

Whil Whheaton @ PAX Video!

PAX may be over, - and those of us here on the East Coast are gearing up for PAX East 2010 I can tell you - but the goodness is already flowing forth! Even though it's Labor Day, PAX attendees are hard at work processing video and posting it on YouTube for those of us less fortunate due to location. How very geek of them!

Since I'm a total Wheaton Monkey (and de facto co-leader of the East Coast branch of the Super Awesome Monkey Army, w00t!), and thanks to the obligatory Fark Wheaton Link (FT), here's some video of Wil at PAX. Firstly, here he is with his Department of Geek Affairs Proclaimation:

And secondly, as found on Fark, witness as Wil gets totally serenaded by Jonathan Coulton:

This, folks, is why I'm going to PAX East next year. How can you even think to say that geeks don't know how to party and have a good time? I don't care how awesome a party person you are, I highly doubt you could ever keep up with us...

Are We So Evil?

This came to me over Twitter from @denyreligion, a link to this article. There are two more videos posted there, but I really feel it necessary to show this one. Question, Christians: When have you EVER seen an Atheist - even one of the more passionate ones like myself - do ANYTHING like this?

Your brothers and sisters in Christ. You must be so, so proud...

You claim that the worst of us are people like Richard Dawkins and P.Z. Meyers, militant Atheists bent on your destruction. Well, you're half right. We'd like to see religion abolished, sure! Trust us, that wouldn't be a bad thing for the human race. But we're not like these people. Not a single, solitary bit.

The worst Mr. Dawkins does is either sit or stand in front of a microphone and calmly own your ass with fact and evidence - two things, I fear, that you lack.

The worst Mr. Meyers does is laugh at you and your silly "museums" that teach tomfoolery and madness.

Look. As much as I want to reach out and deck a stupid fundie who's clearly out of control like our redneck friend in the video, I don't. Despite popular belief that the godless are also without morals, we do in fact know right from wrong, and know that all punching people like that jackhole will get us is a night in the tank at county and an arrest record.

And yet Captain Christian here is freely lobbing threats - including physical violence and terrorism (blowing up a house?) - in the name of God. Don't you just love him? He's adorable!

And you want to make sure your kids grow up secure in the "knowledge" that the same God this guy worships is the right thing for them? Yeah, you need to rethink that position.

Personally, I think this video is just further proof that belief in any sort of imaginary man in the sky should be classified as just another delusion, and treated for what it truly is: Mental Illness.

Hey, Kids, Rock and Roll

Fellow Atheists: Are you like me? Do you feel kind of alien in your own hometown? Have you recently had the sensation, the kind that doesn't lead to some chilling metaphor for a tasty mint and chocolate wafer? Are you starting to feel like, suddenly, you don't belong in the place you've spent most of your life?

Wow, holy crap, I feel that way.

Thank [insert deity here] that I'm adopted, because I'd be a whole hell of a lot more depressed with the fact that I'm related to these people biologically if I weren't. Throughout my entire life, I've tried in vain to find a common ground with these people. Through actions on both party's counts, I've come to be regarded as the black sheep of my generation, far surpassing the black sheep that came before me.

And a major part of that designation comes from my being the family's 'lost soul.' Well, if they think I'm they only one, they're fooling themselves. While I may be the only Atheist in my generation, I'm not the only one in the family.

Increasingly, my younger 2nd cousins are becoming skeptical as they mature. Whereas one was thinking of going into the seminary, a few years later (and a few weeks ago) he came out as an Atheist to me. You have no idea how proud - and relieved - I was. His brother lists himself as Agnostic on a social networking site - cool! Another cousin is more open about her skepticism and criticism of her part of the family, which I find totally awesome: Another voice.

Whether their parts of the family know it or not, I'm no longer the only black sheep.

There's hope for the biological Jacobson's yet, by golly.

But still, what is there for the few of us yet? We still live amongst a sea of stubborn theists, the most vocal among them being the members of our own family. We're still pretty isolated, and we're most certainly met with a great deal of shaming and disgust from those whom even the Bible says are obligated, begrudgingly or not, to love us.

It's tough to be at war with the ones you love. It really, really is.

While mostly Protestant, our family still harbors a great deal of the prejudices and false sense of entitlement that most modern Christians are stereotyped with. Homosexuality is a sin, evolution is 'just a theory,' 'we're right and they're wrong,' Genesis (and by extension, the rest of the Bible) is literal truth, and an all-seeing Magic Sky Pixie is behind everything we see and experience. There's no turning them from this, no getting them to ask even one question.

And there's no convincing them that attempts to 'save our souls' are fruitless; still the fight to turn us back on their idea of the right path, no matter how insane and fanciful we know it to be.

It's a war that will never be won by either side. A house divided shall never stand - but they don't say anything about what the remaining factions will do. Obviously, in our case, both sides will stand: Us - a mere four strong - and Them - literally dozens.

David Essex once asked the two questions we few face now: Where do we go from here? Which is the way that's clear? We can only dream that we were looking for that blue jean baby queen, because the reality is much less enticing.

When 90% of the people around you claim the same association and beliefs as those you're trying to distance yourself from, finding a road to travel - much less a destination - is a pretty daunting task.

And with the resurgence in popularity of the idea of a supposedly 'Christian Nation' and its desire to oust us as godless heathen non-citizens of such... I'm starting to think there isn't a way that's clear at all anymore.

We do have our own brand of faith, believe it or not. Our faith is in the fact that we can make a place for ourselves on this world, and we can find a way to somehow help make it a better place for everyone. Our faith is in humanity and its ability to work together as a society despite perceived differences. We have faith in a day when the rest of us can finally put away the storybooks, give up on pixies and wraiths, and retire the characters within to the pantheon of mythology with their counterparts of old.

That faith keeps us together, and keeps us strong, no matter what the odds, no matter who the enemy or how hostile they are. That faith makes us a new kind of family - adopted or not.

Godless Saviors?

I caught an episode of The Discovery Channel's The Colony for the first time last night. Nifty show. Controlled, but nifty. But it got me thinking about the broader topic of post-disaster survival.

What would happen?

I'm willing to bet dimes to dollars that Christians will flock to churches and wail to the Magic Sky Pixie to save their lives. It's what they do when they're faced with something they can't handle, really. Almost like a reflex. But that's probably not the smartest move in the world.

Given the vast majority of the United States is Christian, flocking to churches would cause the inevitable chaos of too many people, too small a space. Hurricane Katrina showed us what FEMA does with that situation. Also, if the disaster is the result of some whackjob terrorist group or rogue state, they're looking to maximize the hurt: Churches become targets.

My guess is, any person of any faith would probably do the same thing: Jews would go to temple, Muslims to the mosques, Hindus and Bhuddists to their respective houses of worship, and Scientologists to Oprah's couch. Again, you would have massive crowd issues, and would be dealing with a fanatical people screaming and yelling about the end of the world. And with a great deal of the world claiming some form of faith or another, what's left?

Who would step up and actually do something about the situation? Who's going to think with a clear and rational mind? Who will take charge and lead the way down the road to recovery? Who will try to calm people down and get them to think less with their fears and more with their common sense?

Who will work the hardest to ensure the survival of the human race?

Atheists.

That's right, folks. Godless heathens.

I honestly and truly believe that we of the Atheist mindset will have a whole hell of a lot more of the will to think straight under that much pressure. We don't have any belief system that speaks of an apocalypse (and they all do) and tells us to lay down and die. Overcoming the personal desire to panic should be a little easier without that little hang-up.

No. We understand what we are. We know that - like every last one of the other animals crawling about this ball of dirt and water we call home - we have an instinctual need to survive, and to further the species as a whole. And when the chips come down, the true faith of the Atheist will shine brighter than any halo you can paint around the head of a supposed saint: We have faith in what we are, who we are, and what we're capable of. We have faith that we will grow beyond this world and out to others. We have faith that the Human Race can become something greater than slaves to false gods and superstition. And we have faith that we can all do it together.

Atheists are Male, Female, Gay, Straight, Transgendered, Black, White, Arab, Indian, Asian, Tall, Short, Differently Able, Young, Old - in short, it doesn't matter. We don't discriminate. And when the cards are dealt and it's all-in on the river, we won't discriminate when it comes to trying to overcome the so-called "end of the world." Not even against a person of faith, the people who would think us traitors.

Humanity - and yes, the World - will endure. That is the Atheist's faith. And when the time comes, we will show you all that we aren't the evil, soulless sub-humans you seem to think we are.

All because we've managed to leave fairy tales behind. All of them...

The Great Escape

I know I'm ruffling a lot of feathers with all of my Atheist talk lately. Oh well. It's something I know about, seeing as how I am one and all. And it's something I'm very passionate about - hey, that'd make me an Atheism Geek! Awesome!

But I figured, why not go back into my past again and reveal some more of my early experiences as a young Atheist. Here's the general idea:

1986 (Age 6) - The things I was taught in Sunday School conflicted with what I knew of reality and, yes, morality. The 10 Commandments state that thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, or commit adultry. Yet God obviously did both when he knocked Mary up. It was at this point that I first questioned the things that were being taught to me as 'fact,' and would soon make up my mind that it was all Mother Goose bullshit.

1987 (Age 7) - I begin to tell my parents that I don't want to go to church anymore. They told me that I was obligated to go until I was "a confirmed member of the church." In the Lutheran denomination, this follows similar to a Mitzva in the Hebrew culture: At age 13, the church recognizes a man or woman as an adult in their eyes. "When you're a confirmed member," they told me, "you can do whatever you want."

FAIL. They thought I wouldn't remember. They were horribly wrong.

From this point on, I played the waiting game, but not without having some fun. I began to openly question my 'teachers' as to the holes I found in their faith, much to their discomfort and, in some cases, anger. Hell, one of my youth leaders actually grabbed me by the scruff of my neck once, all because I was having fun putting sandwiches together for a fundraiser we had done. In front of my mom, no less! Joke's on them, they were run out of the church and pretty much never came back. Good riddance, honestly. Nazis...

When I finally turned 13, I dove into confirmation class with reckless abandon, determined to do anything I could to make sure that my confirmation came without a hitch, and as soon as possible. A transition in pastors for the church helped this along: The new pastor pretty much told me that, classes or not, she was going to confirm me. When I explained to her why I wanted to be confirmed so badly, she hesitated, but ultimately agreed that I needed to follow my own path. And so, from that night onward, all I did was wait again.

The day of my confirmation was actually more of a day of affirmation: I went through the ceremony, making everyone uncomfortable by refusing to say any of the mindless babble referring to asking God to help me, praising God, or anything other rubbish along those lines. And when my certificate was handed to me, I did what I had planned to do for six long years:

I turned around, said "It's been fun, everyone, but I'm of here," and walked out of the church, never to again return and watch people be crazy about some magic sky pixie. As I stepped out of the main worship hall and into the narthex to make my way to the front door, I mumbled under my breath "Fuck this shit." I don't know if anyone heard me, but I hope they did.

And that, my friends, is how I escaped the throes of the virus known as organized religion. My parents, who'd made a deal with me that they thought I would NEVER remember, found out that day that their son was not playing around when he said he no longer believed.

Where Would We Go?

So, what WOULD really happen if we Atheists just packed up and left America? This video, along with the stats to back it up, comes to us via Godless Blogger by way of @denyreligion on Twitter:

My question is, where would we all go? Europe seems the most likely destination, or at least the more liberal and tolerant parts of the continent. Although I'd find it ultimately hillarious if we moved into Rome, right next to the border of the Vatican. Wouldn't that be a hoot!

Sadly, Italy is too devout for us, I think. We'd be run out of the country...

My pick would be The Netherlands. Those people at least have it somewhat right, and it's a better environment that the United States obviously is. I don't know why illegal immigrants are coming here and not hopping the pond to Europe, honestly...

So, where do YOU think we should/could go? Even if you're a Christian, I'd like to know. Just remember: Be rational, not retarded...