Newt Sensation

Call it NewtFAIL.

Former Speaker of the House and still-obnoxious pundit Newt Gingrich (@newtgingrich), is all butt-hurt over the fact that Twitter allows people to tag his name onto things he doesn't like. Now, because he feels that he was duped into agreeing to an EULA that he claims didn't mention that this could happen (even though, by its nature, its a natural and obvious function of Twitter), he and his pundit buddy Saul Anuzis (@sanuzis) - who himself sounds like an evil Bizarro Egyptian High Priest - are threatening to sue (FT).

Somebody call the WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAmbulance, and make sure they bring enough manpower to cart Newt's fat ass to the Whine-ery.

Newt, you fucking twat: You should KNOW BY NOW how Twitter works, seeing as how you love it so much. It's Twitter, not rocket science! Any idiot can plainly see how Twitter functions, crystal clear as a cloudless blue sky, just by looking at their preferred Twitter client. FAIL.

And now, to help further Newt's ire and angst, I present to you a handy batch of "canned" tweets for you all to post on Twitter, thus further angering him and making him do many more silly things that Republicans do when they don't get their way. They also include the #efca hash tag, just because the EFCA ticks Newt off even more. Just copy and paste into your favorite Tweeting interface! First off, a suggestion by Wonkette:

Join @newtgingrich for Nazi-themed gay child rape party @ his mom’s house

And now, some from my earlier escapades:

Breaking News: @newtgingrich announces "Specter is my Homeboy," will switch parties after his 5 o'clock colonic. #efca

I totally caught @sanuzis and @newtgingrich snogging at FOX News. Talk about ewwwwwwwww... #efca

Hey! @newtgingrich wants to sue Twitter! @newtgingrich is also the top supporter of gay marriage! @newtgingrich even likes Jon Stewart! #efca

Dd you know that @newtgingrich loves Stem Cell Research? @newtgingrich is also a staunch environmentalist! #efca

And @newtgingrich thinks GWB is a retarded cowboy! @newtgingrich supports all of the Obama administration's policies, too!

Yeah, that'll do quite nicely. Now, let's show Newt what real Americans can do when they organize!

Caturday Comes Early

Before I turn over my PC cycles to the task of DVD video production, I thought I'd share a couple of pictures of two individuals who haven't graced the digital pages of this blog in well over a year. So, without further delay, behold the evolution of the Rogue Squadron!

First off, there's Dak, being lazy on my old home-made blackjack table...

And then there's Wedge, being Mr. Indifferent Kitty as he sits on my lap...

Sometimes, though, the boys can behave themselves, although Dak looks like something down on the floor interests him more. Wedge, though, he finally got the idea and mugged for the camera.

Thanks to Jill for coming over and taking these! I can't believe how big these boys have grown in only a year. Yeah, I know cats mature in a year, but damn, these two are straight mountain lions! I love them to death, though, even though it's shedding season.

More Twitter Fun

I've been on Twitter for a short time, maybe two months tops, but already its been a ton of fun!

As a WWdN:IX Monkey in good standing (or at least I hope I'm in good standing), Twitter has allowed me to connect with other Monkeys, two in particular that I gotta give props to: First of all, the incomparable Angie K. (@angiek42), also known as She of the Cookie Monster Gloves! The other is Danyiel (@disasterpiece73), a fellow PA-based Monkey and lover of all things musical! These two gals are good people, and following them comes with a full LP endorsement!

Last night, though, was rather nifty. For those of you unfamiliar with Mike Doughty (@MikeDoughtyYeah), he's the once-frontman of Soul Coughing, and continues to produce some fine quality non-commercial music. Well, I guess he got to hear both Death Magnetic and Master of Puppets - Metallica albums - for the first time yesterday.

While I find it odd that someone like him would wait 23 years to hear the awesomeness that is Master of Puppets (which came out in 1986), I find it even more odd that he'd think a post-commerical Metallica album (commercial albums from Metallica started with the Black Album) is better than what most people consider to be Metallica's best work. Hmmm...

Especially after hearing them both for less than a few hours...

Either way, he and I had a small back-and-forth, and in the end, I'm hoping that both parties can just agree to disagree. I know that's my stance (Puppets is still the better album, though), and I'm pretty sure he considers me insignificant enough to not care. But I'm still a fan, and I'll continue to purchase and listen to his music, Metallica opinions be damned!

The Twitter Celebrity Interact-a-thon continues!

Tweet Reduction Bloggery

So yeah, rather than Tweet each video as it comes, I think it'd be more economical to just toss up one here, and tell everyone that the Karaoke Contest Videos are online on my YouTube Channel. Yay, right? Right. Now that I've got all this posted, I can send one link out to Twitter. Meantime, here's my little surprise a capella number from Friday night...

Down to Business

It all boils down to this week.

On Friday, the finals of the Karaoke Contest happen. (Warning - The Bowling Alley's website sucks ass, view at your own risk) On Friday, I'll go up against five other people (four girls and one other guy) for the top prize: $500 cash money. Already, I'm worried.

Why am I worried? My singing skills are sound, and I highly doubt I'll flub much of my performance at all. I'm sticking to my big guns selection, too, the best songs I do period. I'm not nervous, performing in front of crowds is old hat for me.

No, the worry comes from, once again, what I perceive to be some seriously shady judging. Allow me to explain.

Last time, it was some bitch of a judge that decided talent wasn't important; it was more important to be politically correct and send one male and one female winner off to the next round. Forget talent, we had to be fair! Fuck that. But I endured, and came back this year to find: biased judges yet again, only this time, they're not gender-biased.

Nope, they're apparently genre-biased.

Here are the results for Semifinal 1:

1st place - Female, sang a Country song.
2nd place - Female, sang a Country song.
3rd place - Me, sang a Rock song ("Come Sail Away" by Styx).

And the results for Semifinal 2:

1st place - Female, sang a Country song.
2nd place - Female, sang a Country song.
3rd place - Male, sang a Rock song.

It's kinda hard to NOT notice a pattern. And then, there were flaws in the judging for the qualifying rounds as well. One night, Jill and I tried to get Andy qualified for the contest. When it came time for Andy to sing his chosen competition song, the judges were... Well, not at their table paying attention, that's for goddamned sure. Two of them were up and about, drinking beer and talking to their friends. The others? Who knows, I didn't see them again til they sat back down some 20 minutes later.

Look, I'm not pissy because I didn't win, or that there's a chance I might not win. That always exists, and I'm all kinds of cool with it. But when I don't win because people can't be objective and do the job they were asked to do - like judge a contest based on singing talent, stage presence and overall performance - THEN I get pissed. It's not just me that's getting ripped off

For example:

How can a girl score higher than me at all when her Stage Presence (did she move around, make contact with the audience?) consisted of standing there like a statue, occasionally bobbing up and down during instrumental sections, and staring at the screen like a deer in headlights? Stage Presence is also factored into Overall Performance, and if you're just going to stand there, well, your score is most likely going to be affected.

Something tells me the judges have no concept of what "Stage Presence" is, let alone how to judge it and couple it with singing talent to form Overal Performance Voltron.

And to favor one singer over another simply by their choice of genre? What about those of us who can't stand Country music, and refuse to sing it? Because you like Country more than Rock and Roll or Hip Hop or R&B, that means you have to favor those who sing nothing but Country?

Dirty pool, not cricket - in a word, WRONG.

So, to counter this, I'm doing two things: blabbing about my discontent here, on my world-stage soapbox, and taking over the Electric Avenue stage for practice sessions designed to improve my performance. If I lose on Friday, it won't be because I can't sing or can't perform, or can't deviate from any sort of set path. No, I'm bringing extra spice, aspects of my performance that I rarely bring out at all, even with Buck-It. My stage presence will be central to the performance as well. There won't be any statuesqe views of Eric that night.

No, if I lose on Friday, it'll be because of the same reason I lost last year: Shitty, stupid, inconsiderate, biased, clueless moron judges.

For those outside of Central PA who are interested in seeing me perform and deciding for yourselves whether I'm just being an egotistical blowhard or can actually walk the walk, I invite you all to check out my YouTube Channel. There, you can find both Karaoke and Live Band performances I've done over the past two years. But I'm not limited to those two years, mind you! I've been in the game for over 18 years at this point! Ever since the days back in Fred's garage when we were all kids...

Keep an eye on the YouTube Channel, too, because I'm planning on posting video of my practice sessions - provided Justin isn't being a douchenozzel about the whole thing. He's put me off practicing for an entire week because he wants help making his ManCave awesome. I've been decent and gave in, so this week, it's his turn...

Return of the Geek

For some reason, I'm compelled to write, and something more than 140 characters.

For the past week, being on Twitter has been something of an inspiration, I guess, to write more. The concept of short, on-point tweets (answers to the question "what are you doing now?") allows for more updating, especially since it only takes a few seconds with the right software. And, if you do it right and structure your tweets just so, you can evoke quite a few thoughts in the minds of those reading them.

On top of that, though, there's been more of a desire to be long winded as of late. Although I haven't said much of worth yet (mostly just Twitter gushing), I do feel the typing bug coming back. There are plenty of stories to be told, too, because apparently my blog has been voted a "storyblog" at Blog$hares, so I kind have an image to keep up.

This in and of itself is a story, really. My disillusionment with life in general over the course of the last, I don't know, six months, has been a rough river to shoot. Changes, fights, wins, losses, ups, downs, left hooks and right crosses; I've been running the gauntlet quite a bit. But somehow, I'm still here, living to take society on kicking and screaming another day.

Part of what keeps me going is the growing promise of Buck-It. We're ALMOST ready to go. The next few weeks involve set practicing, going over our performance sets, sorting out songs, and getting our game faces on. We're ready to come out and play and, more importantly, melt some motherfucking faces. ROCK AND FUCKING ROLL!

Why yes, I'm a little excited much, thank you for noticing!

The past few days have been spent trying to finish more of Justin's half-baked brilliant schemes involving the ManCave (TM). That man has the patience of a light particle and the planning skills of newborn lemur. But we endure, I guess, and try to do the job as best we can in light of his ever-changing designs. He still doesn't grasp the concept of space constraints, which is very frustrating. Also, if he does get a plan, he often fails to share all of the details with everyone. Chaos, but it pays the bills...

Motion: Rename April Fools Day to National Rickrolling Day

The Evidence (TM), brought to you via Twitter, from Wil and Elite WWdN Monkey Angie K.:

@wilw: My son Nolan set an alarm on my phone last night when I wasn't looking, and it just went off, Rickrolling me. Best April Fool's EVER.

@angiek42: @wilw Dude, that's awesome. Nolan wins at April Fool's Day.

Seconds, anyone? Anyone? Bhuler? The Great Depression...

Twitter-pated

-1 for the obvious lame joke title, but it fits, and its the only one I could think of. Yay me.

So yeah, four days on Twitter, and I'm already addicted. It's a nifty little service, really. So far, I've kept up on what Wil Wheaton (@wilw) is reading, Brent Spiner's (@BrentSpiner) adventures in - well, I don't know if its rehab or just a sort of psychotherapy, he hasn't been too clear on that one, and Weird Al Yankovic's (@alyankovic) down payment on his Tesla Model S, which he says will arrive in 3-5 years (much like Verizon FiOS in my neck of the woods). I also caught the tweet announcing the name of Alyson Hannigan's (@alysonhannigan) newborn baby: Satyana.

PS: Alyson and Alexis - Congratulations, and that has to be one of the most unique and beautiful baby names I've ever heard!

I was going to write in this post about a new Twitter-related quest, to get a celebrity response. But, as of this writing, that's already happened! Turns out that there's a bug on Twitter which causes your personal icon to go either totally gray or totally black, which some figure is a result of switching your icon image. A tweet came in from author Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) on the subject, and I tweeted in reply that the same thing had happened to author John Scalzi (@scalzi) and is still happening to author Corey Doctorow (@doctorow). Scalzi replied to both Neil and me! How awesome is that? Quest achieved even before I announced it!

A screencap before it goes the way of the digital dodo...

Awesomeness!

So yeah, I'll be adding I've added a Follow Me on Twitter link to the sidebar sometime soon. Everyone can thank Twitter for forcing my return to the blogosphere, and making it fun to blog again!

Addendum: After I posted this, I checked out my Clustermaps archive. With a hit last week from Africa, The Lost Prophyt Blog has been officially read on six of seven continents, the only exception being (not surprisingly) Antarctica. Thanks to everyone who has ever stopped (or will stop) by: You helped me go global, and for that, you have my thanks!

... in which Eric signs up for Twitter...

Yep, I'm on the Twitterwaves now. I tweet. Or however that's supposed to be, I don't know. I'm always late to the hip stuff...

You can find me @lostprophyt. It's quick and clean, so I'll update it more than I do this blog. But then again, that won't devalue this blog, either. Some things just can't be said in less than 160 characters...

Karaoke Contest 2: Electric Boogaloo

So yeah. Remember last year, when I got ripped off by a single judge because I wasn't female?

This year, not so much.

The first semifinal of the 2nd annual Karaoke Contest at the Moshannon Valley Super Bowl was last night. And wouldn't you know it, both of last year's winners - Autumn and Mike - were competing alongside me for the coveted three spots in the finals (the other three will be decided this coming Friday).

And in a not-so-stunning non-upset, BOTH WENT HOME.

That's right: I made it, they didn't. Or to be more specific:

AUTUMN WENT HOME.

That's called Karma. Autumn, while talented, did NOT best me either night. The first time, she got lucky because one judge wanted a female to go on to New York. This time, Autumn didn't have that safety net. She was judged on what she was supposed to be judged on (unlike last time), and she got the final answer: Sorry, honey. You're just not good enough to beat me in a fair fight.

Your decision to compete last night sealed your fate: There were way too many talented people in the field for you to even think you'd have a chance. Honestly, you would have fared better had you waited til next week. That's what Tim did: He took one look at the field for this week and said "Holy crap, not good, I gotta change up."

I have a feeling that's why Tim - who has been a most awesome friend of mine since way back in elementary school - will be joining me in the finals. I know I'm going to cheer him on this coming Friday.

And what the hell were you thinking?!? Jill had already sang "What's Up," and I might add, she did it a hell of alot better than you did! That decision right there only added an extra nail to the coffin. You sounded like a copycat: Especially given how many times you went up to Rhett's table to (apparently) consider a replacement song (three by my count)!

I can blame my apparent failure last year on a judge. This year, you can only blame your failure on yourself.

Me? I came in third last night, so I have some work to do. I wasn't expecting this Michelle girl to come out of nowhere and dominate the evening! And I had declared Tim's friend Barb a dark hourse after her warm-up performance, and I was right - she came in second! Congrats to both ladies on fine performances!

See? I'm not a conceited douchenozzel, am I!

But seriously: I've got my work cut out for me for next week. A straight performance simply won't be enough. Last night's two-for of power ("Fat Bottomed Girls" and "Come Sail Away") was good, and I had a ton of fun doing it, but it lacked something. I think I know what that something is, and I think I know how to correct it. So, for the next 14 days, it's practice time.

Meanwhile, I present the table's general concensus on what you have to do next time:

1) Branch out. Find some new songs. I have yet to do a single song I've done in this competition twice, and that includes songs I did last year. A good variety is the spice of life! Don't stay in your comfort zone, grow a pair and try new songs.

2) Ditch Homie. That advice goes for the rest of $9 Porno as well: You guys are awesome musically, but you need a new singer. Seriously.

3) Don't Copy. Also, don't do "Rapper's Delight." As we discovered last night, that song is tantamount to Contest Suicide.

4) RickRoll the crowd. I did, and from that moment on, I had lots of fun. Fun, in the end, is what it's all about.

OK, it's about fun, but its also about the difference between $500 cash money and a $100 gift certificate to the bowling alley. Daddy needs a new XBox 360, so Daddy wants cold hard Benjamins. All five of 'em...

Boycott 2: Electric Boogaloo

Scroll down a bit, and you'll see the prequel.

You know, I'm not really surprised. Of all the people who've talked to me about Corey's situation, only one has held the opposite belief. They accused me of being nosey, butting into other people's lives, and a bunch of other useless drivel that you'd expect from someone who would defend a heinous act.

The point is this: I don't care how you try to justify it. What Corey did was selfish and oh-so-very wrong on so many levels. He's taking advantage of the genuine sympathy shown by other people and using their generosity to further his own ends. The money they give, they give for Chloe.

Not for Corey to order a Yuengling.

Once I learned what happened, I was sickened. Here's a guy I've called one of my best friends for well over 16 years, and he's doing this? And he did this WHILE CHLOE WAS ALIVE. He took money meant for her bills and used it to get his buzz on.

How the fuck can you possibly justify that?!?

The only correct answer is, you absolutely can't.

I don't care how much stress the situation puts you under. Anyone - especially a child - dying is NO FUCKING EXCUSE to take money donated to them (and them ALONE) and use it to get drunk.

Don't tell me about stress. Don't tell me about depression. Don't tell me about how it was only a few bucks, it wouldn't matter.

I may never understand the horror of losing a child - Hell I don't even know if I'm really a father yet. But I DO understand that losing a child is no excuse to behave like this. People won't simply "understand" why you're using Chloe's money to get yourself a beer. They'll think "Hey, that's money for Chloe's expenses. You shouldn't be using it like that."

And you know what? That's EXACTLY what everyone thinks. It's not just me. I'm not doing it for personal attention. What can I possibly gain from pointing this out? Corey hasn't done anything wrong to me, so I have no motive for petty revenge. You know what this is about? This is about DOING THE RIGHT GODDAMNED THING.

Now, let me make this perfectly clear: I am IN NO WAY demeaning Chloe's life and memory. As I said before, no child should ever have to endure the painful nightmare that is any type of cancer, let alone just Lukemia. It wasn't fair to her that she developed this condition. It wasn't fair to her that she was robbed of being a happy, healthy little girl. It wasn't fair to her that she didn't get to grow up, play with other kids, go to school, find a career, fall in love, get married, have kids of her own, grow old, have grandkids, maybe even some great-grandkids, live out her life in peace and happiness and die as most folks do.

It also wasn't fair for Corey to take money given to support her and head to the bar to get himself a cold one.

Think about it this way: All those things taken away from Chloe? Corey will experience them. But he'll have to do it knowing that he leeched of a little girl - his own daughter - when she needed the help the most, both before and after she died.

How is that fair to Chloe?

This isn't about me. This isn't about you. This is about Chloe, and for once, being fair to her, and to the people who gave of themselves for her - the people who's kindness Corey abused.

Dear Mom and Dad

I hope the two of you die in a fire.

Seriously. I hope you do.

With no love anymore,

Your once-upon-a-time son,

Eric.

Enough: Boycott the Hooven Benefit This Weekend

I'm sorry, Corey, but this has to be said, and I'm going to be the one to say it.

First of all, I want to clarify that I am in no way demeaning, slandering, or otherwise badmouthing the life, death, and memory of Chloe Hooven. What happened to her, no child should ever endure, but the sad truth is, some do. Life sucks like that. It's wrong, but it happens.

But, at some point, you have to draw a line, Corey. I'm drawing that line right now.

I'm asking everyone to boycott the Chloe Hooven "benefit" this weekend at Mel's Inn (formerly Pete N' Mel's) in Morrisdale, PA.

Yes, BOYCOTT.

Sadly, Corey, you haven't been 100% with everyone, have you. You took one too many trips to the well. The can? That was the last straw. There's no justification for behavior like that, dude. None. Not even the tragic death of your daughter. In fact, even trying to explain your actions within that context only makes it worse, man.

I'm intentionally dancing around saying what Corey has done, mostly because I want you all to ask him about it. "What's the deal with the can, Corey?" "What did you do with the can, Corey?" These are questions I'd personally like answers to.

If you do go, go only to find out what I'm talking about. Don't pay the cover, and don't stay long. Show Mel some love and buy at least one drink, but as for the benefit, just say no. The bands involved aren't making any money, so they're not losing.

Yeah, I know. I'm telling people to not show up at shows being played by my friends. I'm sorry guys, but once you know what's really going on, you'll also get where I'm coming from on this. Ben, Chris, and especially Greg: I know I said you're not losing anything by playing these shows, but once it all comes out in the wash, you really are losing, and it sucks, because you guys are just trying to do something good.

You're just being used. There is a good reason why we said no to Corey, and Corey knows exactly what that reason is. It's his responsibility to tell people, and to ultimately go down with the very ship he himself torpedoed.

I wish I could say that the heart's in the right place on this one, but at its core, it's all stone and yeast pee, and that's just not right at all. I just can't keep (totally) quiet about this.

Repent, Corey Lee Hooven. It'll take a while to be forgiven, but the sooner you start, the sooner it'll happen...

Musings: Contests, Video Games, Music and More...

Greetings, Programs!

You have no fucking idea how jazzed I am about that link. And this link? Blew my gourd, man. I can't fucking wait! End of line...

This is the part where I talk about not posting anything for a while, and give weak, thinly-veiled excuses as to why. I'll let you all imagine how you think this line should go, this time...

Let's see. First comes contests. Remember that Karaoke Contest from last year? The one where I got totally screwed out of the second winner's spot (the first went to Mike Williams, who totally deserved it IMHO) because I simply wasn't a chick? The one where people kept telling me I got robbed? The one that got me the gig singing for Buck-It? Yeah, that one.

Time for Round Two, motherfuckers. Same contest, different DJ, same faces entering. No surprise, really. Of course, Mike was in week one, and early on last night (week three), it didn't seem like there'd be much competition.

And now, for the funny: Last years "Winner," Autumn Keifer, shows up, right? You'd think, "Hey, she beat Eric last year, right? Shouldn't she qualify over him?" Well, you'd think wrong. Not only did I take the top qualifying spot, but Autumn was beaten out of the second spot by another of last years' finalists, Jill Reed! See? SEE?!?

Sorry, Autumn, but let's face it: The only way you made it last year was because you lucked out: The one judge insisted on a female winner, instead of giving it to the true winner based on pure talent. I had you beat. I still have the video to prove it, too. And this year, you had best believe you won't be lucking out. This time, it's about the Cash Money, playa, and I'm about to get me those ends. Three places, three cash prizes. Mike Wills and I are taking two of them for sure. Whether or not you get the third is up to you. You had best bring your A Game and step it up a notch: There won't be any judging flukes this time...

I've been playing a whole bunch of Fable 2 lately over at Mikey's. Great game, great improvement over the original Fable: The Lost Chapters, but it still has a few drawbacks. Most notably, it's still too damned short. They really need to go multi-disc, because there's too much wait time between DLC updates, and the first of these (Knothole Island) was itself pretty freakin' short. Come on now, chaps! You can do better than this!

I'll know more in a few hours, but it looks as though Buck-It could be doing a show at Electric Avenue on the 31st, splitting the gig with our friends in Moxie. Their bassist, TJ, was Buck-It's bassist when I first joined the band.

Let's see, what else is there. Not much, really. I can't make any promises as to when I'll post anything. The semifinals for the contest aren't until late March (you've got 12 more weeks to qualify, Autumn, good luck), so there won't be much ranting about that anytime soon. Going to try and pick up the booking schedule for the band, see if we can't make 2009 our comeback year and get ready for Odyssey Two next year...

Lettuce! Give Thanks!

Things I am thankful for on Thanksgiving, 2008:

My life. Given to me by my parents, not some silly invisible man in the sky. And the fact that, to this day, I've lived it on my own terms, and managed to get this far alive.

Hope for the Future. Long has it been since I've felt any. Yes We DID ^,^

The fact that I'm still standing after all these years.

That the 14 years of my life I spent chasing a dream weren't all for not.

The possibility that I just might be an honest-to-jeebus father. Yeah, that's right. Someone calls me "dad." Suck it, haters. My offspring will demolish yours. Muahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!

That I have friends like the many that I have. You guys and girls rock harder than anyone has rocked hard in the history of people rocking hard. E Pluribus, Unum.

My Family. Sure, we have our differences. But in the end, we're still a family, and love is still unconditional.

That I have this outlet, and the will to use it, and that some of you actually take time out to read the stupid shit I say on it. Stay tuned, more to come...

Most of all, though, on a purely geek-life level, I'm thankful for all of the seemingly-impossible saving throws I've made against Life's Bullshit. It's as if my d20 was blessed by Gygax himself. I'm exceptionally fortunate to be where I am today, and to have the chances that lie ahead in the near future.

Someday, it'll all come together, the loose ends tied up and the final curtain lowered. But for now, the trip is fun, the rope is holding strong, and the stage lights aren't all that blinding...