I Can Has Last Minute?

Yes, I know, I'm late to the Caturday party. It was a rough day, didn't really have a chance to post anything earlier than now. But hey, the 11th hour isn't too bad, right? Anyway, here are my Caturday favorites from today's Fark Thread. See any you like, click to embiggen...







And finally, an old favorite, for all you haters out there. You know who you are, love you all to death!

I (heart) Caturday!

And Now For Something Completely Different

Here's one Justin ought to love: Welsh Rap group (snicker) Goldie Lookin' Chain (snicker snicker) has released a song called "Sex for Christmas" (ROTFLLMMFAO).

OK, I think I can stop laughing long enough to finish this post now. You have GOT to be kidding me. So I go to their MySpace Page to listen to this abomination of a song, and what am I greeted with? How the band (if you can call them that) wants sex for Christmas with a girl who looks like Abi Tutmuss.

I get British humor, but I guess I don't get British Rap, other than Lady Sovereign. The fact that it's Welsh just makes it even more amusing, I guess. Wonder if they'll do a Welsh language version of this track...

Get A Full Box

With all the negative bile I either spew or spew about on this blog, it's sometimes easy to forget that, somewhere in this world, there are good - and sometimes even great - things happening. From population-freeing revolutions to the smallest acts of kindness, this world does still have some non-evil in it.

As a former volunteer firefighter, this story hit home double for me, so you can imagine the fun I'm going to have trying to cover it up at work with just a roll of cheap TP for tissues. If you have access to a box of Kleenex or Puffs or whatever the hell your favorite brand is (even the chincy little travel pack jobbies), you'll want to get them now, before you click through.

Got them? OK, away we go. This is the story of a seven year old boy with terminal cancer, and the last-minute effort to make his biggest dream come true. I haven't hit the Thread yet, but I do hope that Farkers are showing love and respect for this poor kid and his family.

Here's to our little fallen brother, the bravest of us all. Sound the bell...

SupercalifragilisticexpialidoWTF

Once again, I've bravely trolled the Farkives for this week's Nanny State Roundup. But things in the Farkives look pretty bleak...

• Treats Trumped (Thread): A British production has been banned from tossing sweets into the audience out of fears that some git might sue if their precious little snowflake got bopped with an errant toffee. They don't call it a "Nanny State" for nothing, I guess...
• PMITA Poetry (Thread): A so-called "lyrical terrorist" was handed a nine month suspended sentence for writing "extremist poetry" on till receipts and what not. So, I guess just writing down terroristic ideas is a crime now. Wouldn't want to upset anyone now, would we...

Um, uh oh. Only two this week? I could have sworn I saw more Nanny State articles than just these two. Oh well, you get the idea, right? Right. I'm sure the UK will come up with more Nanny State madness in the coming days. After all, they need to protect their hapless citizens from the worst threat of all: themselves...

Fearless Leader Reviews The Rock

Wil's at it again, and this time his Geek In Review (at Suicide Girls, so it might be NSFW at times) comes out rocking hard: With reviews of Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock, and the new kid on the rock block, Rock Band.

I'ma have to wait til Christmas to play GH3, but that's all good with me. What has me salivating is the fact that Tom Morello (ex Rage Against the Machine, current Audioslave) is a playable character once you beat his boss battle. AWESOME! And the encore after that is Bulls on Parade, which will freakin' rock the house!

Yeah, I can't wait. But I have to, so Wil's review is all I get for now. Maybe I'll post my own in a few months, once I get to the point where I'm actually somewhat OK at playing the game. I missed out (for the most part) on the other Guitar Hero games, mostly due to my lack of desire to own an next-gen console other than the Wii. But, with a loaner PS2, I can now officially get by...

It's The Network

Yeah, Verizon sucks.

At work and at Angel's, we have Verizon DSL. While it works nicely when it's chugging along like it's supposed to, the times when it refuses to do so are quite the pain in the ass. These past two months have been like riding a bandwidth rollercoaster, but one with sudden, neck-wrenching stops at random intervals.

For the first month or so, service was incredibly sluggish, especially at work. Pages that, on even a basic DSL connection, should only take a second or three to load ended up taking fifteen or more. Less image-heavy pages like this blog, which load almost instantly, took just as long as any other page during the slowdown.

Recently, though, there have been more and more instances of the modem's Internet light either beaming a bright shade of red, or not being on at all. Those, my friends, are the fun times, and they explain my lack of posts the last two days. I knew I should have typed something up while I was at the Avenue working, damnit.

With the outages come other problems as well. Every chance I've had to edit the video from my 30th birthday party has been foiled by Verizon's crap service, lagging connections to codec servers to the point of time-out (they don't try for very long before declaring a time-out, either), if not disallowing me before I even sit down thanks to the Red Light of Death. There's some cool stuff in those vids, since it was just the crew there that night, and we had free reign over the joint. Plus, there's some footage of Andy, Fred and I doing some acoustic stuff, which is awesome.

The first recording of Tetsaiga. Rock on!

But all this is being cockblocked by The Network. It was bad enough when it was Bell Atlantic, back before the takeover and before DSL was available here in the sticks. Phone lines didn't have much latency, so already-slow connections were further choked down.

And yet they still charge an arm and at least a good portion of a leg for their service. Good lord, I hope FiOS isn't this bad...

Which Is Funnier?

The story, or the comments it generated?

First of all, The Story (Thread): A man with the surname Whitelightning gets plowed and steals a Kirspy Kreme truck, going on a joyride. Cops from two police agencies are chasing the guy, with donuts flying out of the back of the truck. The whole thing is caught on the dash camera, and when the video goes public, even the DA says it'll be a hit on YouTube.

And now, The Comment, posted by a mysterious user known only as James Beam:

James Beam says:

Misdemeanors imposed upon Mr. Whitelightning include:

==Discharging a donut within city limits

==Improper use of a donut

==Endangering public safety by use of donut

==posessing unlicensed donut

==posession of concealed donut

==reckless endagerment of giant red-hot pickled sausages

==non-payment of donut

==posession of donut paraphranalia

==driving under the influence of donut

==Exceeding daily bag limit of giant red-hot pickled sausages

==non-registration of giant red-hot pickled sausage

==placing posessing or using bait to elude police

Cliches come to life, only on Fark!

Inciting A Holy War 101: Cristian Stupidity

And not just stupidity. Let's add Arrogance, Bile, Ignorance, and Complete Disregard.

Also Moron, Nutcase, Idiot, Dumbass, Dicksplash, Asshat, Fucktard, and Half-wit.

This is what happens when Jesus takes the wheel (Thread):

All common sense? Gone. After Muslims in Sudan went batshit crazy, wanting to execute a British teacher for allowing her students to name a stuffed teddy bear Muhammad, this fuckwit has the audacity to name a stuffed pig the very same.

For those of you who don't really know: In Islam, there is no lower creature than the pig. To them, the pig is filthy, as it eats the wastes of other animals (mostly humans' tab;e scraps anymore, good ol' slop) and rolls around in filth (usually mud). This is why Muslims won't eat any pork products.

Most of you should know, however, that Muhammad is the big prophet of Islam, and to insult him is, more often than not, a death sentence to the hardliners.

So yeah. Let's create an image of their prophet in the form of a pig. Real smart there, Reverend.

A Day Late...

Yesterday's Caturday Thread on Fark had lots of good, fresh LOLCats posted, as well as a few other LOLCritters. So, in order to create a new tag, and to give me something to do on Saturdays, I'm going to start posting my favorites from each Caturday from here on out.

Everyone say it with me: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

As an aside, there's an effort underway to translate the Bible into Kitty Pidgin, the language of LOLCats. Teh blessigs of teh Ceiling Cat b pwn u, lol!

Sunday Fark-Up, Snowed In Edition

It's Sunday. It's snowing like a motherfucker outside. It's going to turn to freezing rain a little later on, followed by a whole bunch more snow. The plow just drove past the house, making it's rounds on it's futile quest to keep the roads clear. No, they'll still be, at the very least, slushy and slow-moving by the time I have to leave for work.

If I have to go, that is. We'll find that out later. In the meantime, here's some links to hold you over, all found on Fark. There's some big news hidden in here, so read carefully. The rest is just filler, which is what most news is these days anyway. Drew said so (Thread). Alright then, off we go:

• Google is getting into the Wireless Business (Thread). Do you know how AWESOME this is? Google is a central cog in my Intarwebs (which is a series of tubes) experience, including playing parent company to this very blog's host. Hell, 'google' has been made an official verb in the English language! How can you NOT love the idea of an all-in-one GooglePhone? And the fact that Google fought to make sure the owner of the coveted "C-Block" (snicker) of the bandwidth spectrum up for bids comes with guaranteed consumer rights built in makes it even more teh hawsome...
• Rolling Stone is running a piece on the blazingly obvious: The "War on Drugs" is an utter failure (Thread). Um, duh! It's about as big a failure as the "War on Terror," only not as overtly costly (that we know of, yet.) I suppose you could call it the lesser of two evils, but it's no less an example of the collective idiocy of the United States Government. Boy, those fuckers sure know how to blow other people's money, don't they...
• Penny Arcade's Child's Play Charity is auctioning off two tickets for dinner with Fearless Leader in Seattle (Thread, WWdN:IX Post). AWESOME! 100% of the proceeds go to PA's wonderful children's charity, so if you're in the Seattle area (and I KNOW I have readers up there, you guys are stopping by at least once a week) and have over $1K laying around doing nothing, cough it up for the kids! Bidding ends around midnight tonight, so you'd best hurry, too. This could be your one and only chance to be able to recommend the New York Strip to Ensign Crusher...
• With the release of "Bender's Big Score" this week, Futurama is officially back! I've seen it, and it is teh hawsome! Even better, IGN has an interview (Thread) producer David X. Cohen about the three remaining Futurama movies, including basic plot details and the fact that, yes, the next one will pick up where BBS leaves off. Apparently, the movies will be carved up into four episode mini-arcs, all to be aired as a pseudo-sixth season on Comedy Central. Oh well, at least it's new Futurama, right? Right!

Verizon's having issues tonight, no doubt weather-related, so I think I'ma pop in a movie and try to get back to sleep. I'm not entirely sure if I have to go to work or not, but I wouldn't be surprised if I did. Fun fun fun, living in Central PA this time of year...