Eating Barbecued Iguana

Hello, San Fransisco!

Glad to see you all made it. I had to do a little housekeeping, but I think I'm ready for the few extra visitors that are sure to make their way here.

If you're visiting from FCCFreeRadio.com, then I welcome you! Chances are you probably heard my "Redneck Report" tonight on 107.9FM, and I hope you found it somewhat amusing. Given that I'm a city kid who really doesn't care for the redneck lifestyle, I'm amazed I managed to hammer it out!

First of all, no, I don't normally sound like that. Like a news anchor, I have a non-regional dialect, although southerners might consider it a "Yankee" accent. It's my passion for voice acting and comedy that led me to develop the composite "redneck" accent you heard tonight. It's a little Larry the Cable Guy, a little Early Cuyler (from Squidbillies), and just a pinch of Deliverance. And no, I don't want to "make you squeal."

How did I come to be involved with San Fransisco's Comedy Alternative Radio when I live in the boondocks of Central PA? Why, the Internet, of course! I've known John for many years, starting back when he and the late Paul McSween were running The John Miller Program as a webcast based in John's Scottsdale, AZ garage. In fact, you might have heard John air some of my "work" from those days: I was the guy who called into a tech talk show and managed to get in at least a dozen plugs for John's program. And you know what? I never got my fucking coffee, damnit...

Will you be hearing more from me? I hope so! John and I have been wanting to do a bit to get me involved ever since the station launched, and finally, we have the time and the resources to pull it off. And I assure you that "Cletus" isn't my only voice. In the future, you might get a visit from Comrade Nikolai, my crazy Russian-American alter-ego, or even from a very stoned Kermit The Frog. You never know what kind of craziness I might invent next, so keep your dials tuned to 107.9FM to find out!

Apart from Voice Acting, I have a few other talents, and I like to show them off. If you'd like to see me in action, just check out my YouTube Channel! I'm also on Facebook (because who isn't these days, right?), so if you'd like to add me and see what insignificant crap I'm getting into at any given moment, feel free! I can be found on MySpace, too, but I'm hardly ever on there anymore. Bloated piece of web garbage, that is.

Yes, ladies, I'm single at the moment. Sorry, guys, I'm straight...

So yeah, I hope you enjoyed tonight's segment! Like I said, keep your radios tuned into FCCFree Radio, San Fransisco's Comedy Alternative! John brings the funny!