90% Chance of FAIL

New Years Resolutions.

The lists that people come up with, filled with changes they'd like to make about themselves and their lives. Lists that are quickly forgotten in the return to normal following the holiday euphoria, and thus are rarely ever followed.

Yeah, I have a few of those myself, but I think I might be able to keep some of them. Here's just a few:

1. Blog more. Shouldn't be a problem, right? Right. Plenty for me to talk about...
2. Get the band started. Fred, Andy and I spent all of 2007 talking, but not doing, anything about it. With the holidays out of the way, we can finally focus on breaking out the four track and trying our hands at songwriting in genres other than what we're used to.
3. Drink less caffine. No problem. Stomach ulcer says that's how it has to be, and I don't like that kind of pain, so goodbye sodas and energy drinks.
4. Cut back on smoking. Notice, I didn't say quit. I have noticed, however, that I'm starting to smoke more than the usual pack a day, so I've decided to try and cut back some. Probably one I'll fail at, but it's worth a shot.
5. Make it to Tom and Gina's wedding. Florida, June 7th, and I've got to figure out a way to get us all down there, housed, and back. Should prove to be a fun logistical challenge.

So, how about all of you? What were your resolutions? Come on, don't be shy, there's a whole comment box for you to play with...

You Were Caught In The Crossfire

It. Is. Fucking. COLD.

ForecastFox is telling me that it's 12 degrees outside. DAMN. It's the coldest day of a young 2008 so far, and if you ask my muscles (which are still tense from being out there and shivering so damned much), it's easily the coldest day of the winter as a whole. Granted, officially, winter is only about three weeks old, but this frigid-ass weather has been going on for long enough. Mother Nature needs to get her shit together.

This morning, though, she managed to give me a sign that she's still got some tricks up her green sleeves. I had to go to Weis on a mission to buy some milk for The Bear, and after I'd finished my lengthy trip around the store, I checked out and headed for the doors to trek back out into what can only be described as shirtsleeve weather in Anchorage. But when I walked out the door, I noticed that it was snowing.

It wasn't the big, fat, wet-ass snow we've been used to seeing lately. It was more like the fine, powdery snow that skiers like myself love to see, with a twist: If any of you watched the ball drop Monday night, you saw confetti out the yin-yang floating freely above Times Square. Well, the snow was coming down like that, and reflected in the sliver of sunlight shining down on the market's parking lot, was transformed into a transleucent crystal blanket of diamonds, slowly floating towards the pavement below.

For a second, I forgot how cold it was, but then I was quickly reminded that I'd become a dudecicle if I stood there like a gawking oaf for much longer, so I shook the sparkles from my eyes and made my way to the Explorer. But, for that little moment, I was reminded that Mother Nature can still look good at times, even when she's PMSing.

Might be time to dust off the ol' skis and head over to Tussey Mountain for a trip down the hills. Just another reason they call it Happy Valley...

Paradise Lost

Wil's first post of the year is up and live on WWdN:IX, and while it hints at work he's doing that's currently in Non-Disclosure Land, it also points to a nifty photo-essay on Mental_Floss about an abandoned suburb in south Florida. A modern day ghost town of homes in different stages of construction, empty streets with fading signs, and property once thought valuable reclaimed by the Florida wildlife. Neat!

Thank You Mr. Handel

Maybe, just maybe, there is a (Insert Deity Here). Or at least some sort of higher power with enough clout to listen to my insane ravings, because three Chicago Newspapers are cutting back or eliminating NASCAR coverage. I have yet to grouse in the Fark Thread, but I plan on doing so soon.

And the reason for the cutbacks in NASCAR coverage? People want more local news. In other words, Chicago's regional sections are going to get more space (are you listening, Altoona Mirror?) at the expense (ha ha ha ha) of go fast, turn left coverage that only the most hardcore of hayseed Earnhardt merchandise collectors care to read.

Now THAT is a good start to 2008. BRAVO!

Suck it, Hillbillies.

Voodoo Child

It's the latest viral video making the rounds, and it's fucking awesome. A family trained their infant son to give people the evil eye, on command. Too cute! I couldn't resist making the first video post of the year anything but this adorable kid and his evil, evil look.

Now, if only they could get him to say "Whatchutalkinbout, Willis?" they'd be all set.

Happy New Year

To all my readers everywhere, wherever you all may be, I hope you have a safe, happy and healthy New Year. Hopefully, some of you made a resolution to leave an actual comment on my stupid little blog. That's the one thing it lacks, really. and hopefully, 2008 will bring about even just the tiniest upswing.

After all, it's not just about my opinion or what I have to say: It's about all of us...

Smell Like A Sound

Looking through The Vault, one might notice that some of my post titles don't quite seem to make sense. Sometimes, they even seem like they have nothing to do with the body of the post at all. Well, let me assure you, that each one is directly tied to the post, and exactly how isn't a matter of how well you read, but how well you listen.

Those cryptic titles are actually lyrics from songs, and if you've been observant enough to catch the song, you can make the connection to the entry contents much easier. So, as an end-of-2007 treat, I've culled this past year's musical titles into this list, along with the songs and artists they're from. I've also linked them all to this post, so you can go back and revisit some of them if you missed them.

• Smell Like A Sound - Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran
• 2 Secksii 4 Muh Kitteh - Obvious Parody of I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred
  
• Last Night Was Shaking - Rock You Like A Hurricane by Scorpions
  
• And If The Band You're In... - Brain Damage by Pink Floyd
  
• If You've A Date In Constantinople - Istanbul (Not Constantinople) by They Might Be Giants
• Planet Earth Is Blue - Space Oddity by David Bowie
• How My Poor Heart Aches - Every Breath You Take by The Police
• Chim Chim Cheroo - Chim Chim Cheroo from Mary Poppins, performed by Dick van Dyke
• Steering Perception, I Am - I Am I by Queensryche
• There Is No Pain - Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd
• Read Us Any Rule - From We're Gonna Do It, the theme to Laverne & Shirley
• The Sound of White Noise - The Sound of White Noise by Anthrax
• The Sun Is The Same In A Relative Way - Time by Pink Floyd
• Bomb Iran, Bomb-Bomb, Bomb-Bomb Iran - Obvious parody of Barbara Ann by The Beach Boys
• These Sleeping Dogs Won't Lie - Dirty Little Secret by All-American Rejects
• 20,000 Lines Of Resolution - Video Romeo by Kidd Video
• I Don't Belong Here - Creep by Radiohead
• Gone Are The Dark Clouds - I Can See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash
• Gone Daddy Gone - Gone Daddy Gone by Violent Femmes
• Let It Be - Let It Be by The Beatles (RIP Nathan)

Oh, crap. Not that many of them, are there. Damnit all to hell anyhow. Guess that, since posts from 2006 and are few, and 2005 has none at all titled after songs, I might as well go all the way to the back of The Vault and pull out everything I've got:

• When We Live Such Fragile Lives - Dirty Little Secret by All American Rejects
• Back In The Saddle - Back in the Saddle by Aerosmith
• And Yes, I've Dreamt Of You Too... - Lips of an Angel by Hinder
• From Soho Down To Brighton - Pinball Wizard by The Who
• Let Them Make You A Clown - Let the Good Times Roll by The Cars
• I Know The Pieces Fit - Schism by TOOL
• Jabba The Fuckin' Hutt - You're Pretty When I'm Drunk by The Bloodhound Gang
• Home Sweet Home and I'm On My Way - Home Sweet Home by Motley Crue

Amazing. Wow. Yeah, there are a ton more, but they're all in my archive from ye ol' Rancho Relaxo. Maybe I should make it a New Year's Resolution to add all of the posts from the old Ranch to this blog, thus making it a complete archive. Rancho Relaxo became a blog sometime in the early 2000's, and now I'll have to dig through it and see exactly what I have.

Since I did the whole thing in basic HTML back then (what a pain in the ass THAT was), it'll be fun to try and get it all moved over to here. Man, for two or three nights next year, I'm going to be one proficient little blogger...