Strung Along

Time for some video goodness, courtesy of Fark's Video Tab. Today, we've got a couple of string-wielding shred heads doing some pretty nifty stuff with a guitar and what's called a "chapman stick." First up, guitarist Flint Blade performs The Dave Brubeck Quartet's jazz classic Take Five - on a 14 string double-neck guitar, no less:

Flint Blade Performs Take Five - Fark Thread

Next up, some unknown axeman picks up an instrument known as a Chapman Stick and plays the song familiar to geeks around the world as the "Cantina Band Song," from Star Wars IV. For those intrested, I believe the band in the Cantina scene is called Fir'gin D'an and the Modal Nodes, but I could be wrong. Honestly, I'm too lazy to look it up, I'm going by something I read on some obscure site somewhere a while ago. Anyway, here's the video:

"Cantina Band" on the Chapman Stick - Fark Thread

Neat, eh? Wish I could play guitar like that, but I'm limited to Welcome Home (Sanitarium) and Free Bird right now, since I haven't picked one up in about 10 years...

2 Secksii 4 Muh Kitteh

Oh yes, you knew it was coming: It's Caturday over on Fark, and this week's story is about a nurse in the UK who's kitteh was choking on some food. Thankfully, she totally snogged the cat back to life. The argument in the Fark Thread right now, though, is about the headline's claim that said nurse is a hottie.

Well, this here is her. She kinda reminds me of my ex Erina, what with the whole strawberry/dirty blonde hair and (especially) the eyes. Granted, you can't discern much from a shot like this, but for all intents and purposes, I'd mostly likely hit it. But that's just me, and that's just blowing smoke, because as we all know, I'm not really available right now.

But anywho, Caturday wouldn't be complete without my picks for this week, which all appear below. As always, Click to Embiggen, and enjoy the cuteness that is LOLCats!

2007: Taking Out The Trash

For my first "Year in Review" post, I want to take a moment and be a complete and total asshole (with some help from The Boston Globe). Why? Because these people deserved it when they were alive, and they most certainly deserve to be remembered as such now that they're worm food. Hope the worms have some decent cuttlery and evolve some serious teeth, because these two piles of human dung are going to be tough, tough, tough to decompose...

Leona Helmsley, 87, died August 20th, 2007 - If you ever needed a reason why the usually-canine term of "bitch" is applied to human women, then Helmsley was that reason. This money grubbing whore ran a $5 billion real estate and hotel empire, but apparently that wasn't enough. She went on trial for tax evasion in 1989.

A former housekeeper quoted Helmsley as saying "We don't pay taxes, only little people pay taxes." Well, Leona, at least we're little people and not giant bitches like you were.

And just look at that mugshot right there. Nasty, isn't it? It's like Tammy Fae Messner (who also died this year, but isn't anywhere near being badmouthed by me) was possessed by Satan and had a child with my next "honoree," Jerry "I'm a Big Fat Christian Douchebag" Falwell.

The world is a much better place without you, Leona. Rot in hell.

The Rev. Jerry Falwell, 73, died May 15th, 2007 - And then, there's this asswipe. And boy, did he fall well, right when we needed him to the most: Before the 2008 election. This man thought it was perfectly fine to ignore the fact that the Constitution provides for the Seperation of Church and State and try to mobilize Christians into a political force so they could force their so-called 'morals and values' onto an unsuspecting and unwilling America.

Apparently, he didn't get the memo that Theocracies don't work. Well, now we don't have to worry about his fat ass taking us back to the Dark Ages, when Religion was the perfect excuse for idiotic ideals like mysogeny, patriarchy, racism, religious intolerance and general ignorance to the way the world works (science, not that stupid ass Intelligent Design/Creationism in Disguise).

Now that Fatass Falwell is dead, the rest of the clear-thinking world can rejoice and party in the streets like it's 1999, not 999 like Falwell wanted. Fuck him, fuck his ideals, and fuck his Christian Coalition. Good riddance.

Rot in hell, Reverend. Maybe you and Leona can hook up while you're both down there...

Grandpa Ruins Christmas

How selfish can an old codger get? Selfish enough to make a complete ass of himself and ruin his grandkids' Christmas, that's how. And you'd best believe there's video, but with NSFW language, so get those headphones on. Link, Fark Thread, and away we go...

Angry Grandpa Ruins Christmas - Watch more free videos

Way to go, Grandpa...

Last Night Was Shaking

Holy crap, I actually got my PS2 to work this morning, so I've been playing Guitar Hero III for the last few hours. Here are a few observations, followed by my current (slow but steady) progress report. First, some things I've noticed:

• The drummer is stiff as a board. Couldn't they get Vinnie Paul or Lars Ulrich or SOMEONE to come in and do some better motion capture? Guy ruins the whole performance video going on above the fretboard.
• Battle Mode is the shiznizzle. Though I have yet to challenge Mikey or anyone else to a Human vs. Human battle, I have taken down both Tom Morello and Slash. Can't wait for that one, I can assure you
• The selection of bonus songs is fairly decent, and I welcome the addition of Lacuna Coil to the mix. Sadly, I'll have to go buy Guitar Hero II before I can get TROGDOR!!!
• The first few tiers aren't much as far as songs go. Yes, there are some uberclassics mixed in there, but I really didn't get excited about jamming out until Evenflow came up as my encore. After that, it's been all awesomeness. The only exception is the tier two encore, Bulls on Parade, after you beat Tom Morello.

And now, here's how I'm doing after a few hours:

• Thanks to The Bear's interference and a few cigarette breaks, I'm still only on Easy, and up to the Live in Japan tier. This is fine with me, it gives me a chance to hear alot of the songs and get used to playing again, since before I got this, chances to play were few and far between.
• I've unlocked both Tom Morello and Slash, but have only purchased Tom. Why? Because Tom Morello kicks WAY more ass than Slash, and he was the character I wanted to play as the most. My next unlock will be the Grim Reaper, because hey: He's the fucking Grim Reaper. He rocks like that.
• I've bought a few of the heavier songs in the bonus track list, the first being Lacuna Coil. Once again, I'll have to get GH II to get both TROGDOR!!! and Less Talk More Rokk, two of my favorites to jam on.

That's about it for now. Once I get a piece through medium, maybe I'll sit down and write a little more on the game. Til then, though, it's time for me to go ROCK OUT WITH MY COCK OUT!
(Not really, but it's fun to say)

I Farted On Santa's Lap

I hope everyone here is having an Extremely Merry Christmas (or relative equivalent), and I hope that Christians who read this blog notice one very important thing: Whether Jesus is the reason for the season (he's not, it's Planetary Axial Tilt) or not, it's all about Peace on Earth, and Goodwill Towards Men. If there's one part of Christmas that everyone can stand to celebrate, it's that. Atheist, Catholic, Protestant, Islamic, Taoist, Bhuddist, Hindu, Wiccan, whatever: It's all about putting aside the petty bullshit and getting along for a change.

Even in the trenches of World War I, the Germans and the British took time out to sing songs, swap stories, and even play a game of soccer in No Man's Land. Let's all think about that Christmas Truce this year and try to patch up this fucked up situation that we've created...