Sunday, February 10, 2008

Mister, Take Us To The Show

Meet "Joe."

"Joe" is just about the luckiest son of a bitch on the face of the planet. He's a regular guy, just like you and me. He's not connected, he's not in-the-know, he's not pulling cash out of his ass on a whim.

He's just... "Joe."

And yet this man, alone and armed with a camera phone and a Super Bowl ticket stub on a lanyard, managed to have any sports fan's soggy dream day come true: Without even really conning anyone at all, this guy was on the front line (FT) of the biggest party New York has seen since "America's Asshat Mayor" threw one for the Bronx Bombers.

And he's got some pretty convincing pictures and video to prove it, too.

Step by step, and without a net, this guy managed to pull off some pretty impressive stuff. The key to it all was the fact that the Giants' win - Not only a Super Bowl title, but the David-like halting of the Goliath Patriots' quest for perfection - created a super euphoria that gripped that town like nobody's business. While security was, indeed, tight, the avenues he took were crafty, as they'd actually provide the least resistance.

Now, mind you, this guy didn't plan on doing this at all. He just sort of lucked into it.

His first dose of WIN was putting his ticket stub on the lanyard. This is actually his key move, as it opened the flood gates of opportunity to him in the first place. Given the euphoria, and the fact that any real Giants fan - press or civvy or whatever, except cops - was wearing whatever Blue and White they could find (including what had to have been quite a few jerseys, especially Manning), no one in the press section's entryways made much effort to check credentials. The lanyard, coupled with the ticket (which had logos out the ying, no doubt), probably looked enough like a press pass to allow him to slip in.

Once there, the Cascade Effect took over. His next batch of WIN was in the form of deciding to stick with the owners' group instead of giving in to his desire to catch the players' bus. Because the owners' group was so freakin' huge, and most were probably wearing jerseys and other team colors, he fit right in. The lanyard again saved him because, since he was in such close proximity to the owner himself, security barely gave him a glance.

Are you gonna hassle the boss during his big victory party? Hell no! You want to party, not get fired and end up motherfucking the whole deal, right? Right! So, you hurry up and wave the boss' party through. Duh.

Score for "Joe." This bought him a free ride directly to Giants Stadium, and his ticket into the coveted players' areas.

With all the right moves made so far, and the big decisions conquered successfully, Karma had to be flowing through our friend "Joe," giving him concious knowledge of his WIN, and he decided to roll with the flow. Our friend ended up in the tunnel with Giants Head Coach Tom Coughlin, who was carrying the Vince Lombardi Trophy with him. The picture of Coughlin alone is worth getting into the tunnel, but Karma kept pushing "Joe" onward - nay, WINward - and our dear friend ended up getting some spiff video as he trotted out onto the field.

But it doesn't stop there. That bit of WIN allowed him to nuzzle right up to the front of the stage, where he shot some wild clips of different parts of Giants team speeches, and took some killer pics as well. After regaining access to the locker room by way of Super Bowl hero David Tyree and family, the adventure peaked as he came away with some killer memories.

But the swag, that's what we all like to hear about, right? What'd he get for his unprecedented, unassisted run through the ultimate victory celebration's red carpet? All told: Eli signed both his ticket stub and his jersey, the whole team signed his hat, a City Hall access pass signed by Michael Strahan, and Gibril Wilson's signed game sweatshirt. Not to mention the digital proof of it all thanks to his cell phone.

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