Windfall

Hey, kids. Guess what? I have the cure for all our economic woes. You might not like it, but you have to admit it in the end: This would absolutely cure America's financial woes and bring everything back to the level.

The problem is, nobody wants to hear it. Nobody wants to even think it. It's almost unheard of throughout human history. And by simply saying it, I could be setting off quite a bit of an angry mob. But still, it needs saying.

To fix the financial problems this nation has, we should tax the Church. Which one? All of them, and tax them retroactive to their founding in this nation, or existence at the time the modern tax code was established.

Say it with me now: Tax. The. Church.

For far too long, the Church (as a generic, organized concept as opposed to specific religion) has enjoyed a Cinderella deal: They have never, ever paid their share of property, inheritance, or income tax. Ever. In the history of this once-great nation, no mainstream Church has ever paid a single red cent to the United States Internal Revenue Service.

They get tax breaks for everything: They get tax breaks for Clown Ministries designed to fool children into indoctrination by way of using clowns and humor. Tax breaks for running faith-based activities that, in the end, simply serve as a platform for more indoctrination of people of all ages. They don't pay a dime on the donated income that people cough up every service, either. From hundreds to tens of thousands of dollars per Church every go-around, and the Church keeps it all.

Granted, they do get tax breaks for their credible charity work, and they rightly should as all charities do. But enough is enough.

I bet dimes to dollars that, if you taxed each and every single Church in the United States retroactive to either its founding or the founding of the modern tax codes (whichever came first), you'd have your budget woes sewed up in a heartbeat, be able to provide the public option for heath care to all Americans, AND have enough room left to actually lower taxes for lower and middle class Americans.

There are a number of tax codes that would easily apply to each Church, too. Property taxes for one would be a BIG one. How much land to Churches have? Quite a bit, from just my experience here in the Northeast. Suddenly having that land back on the tax rolls would most certainly jumpstart local education budgets, municipal authorities' ability to deal with crime and emergencies would increase (local police departments would make a comeback - I'm looking at you Philipsburg and Houtzdale)... You could almost stop right there and fix most of the financial problems we're in on local and state levels - The federal problems would mellow out without the added pressures of state and local fallout.

Ahhh, Income Tax. The bane of each and every lower- and middle-class American. The money from this portion of the tax code, when retroactively calculated and paid by the Churches, would be the final nail in the financial woes coffin. Can you just imagine what would get paid off? The National Debt? Gone, I bet. And with plenty left over to finance quite a few federal programs that matter, like research in both medicine and space exploration would be nice.

Ahh, the joys of the so-called "Death Tax," which Bush II tried to eliminate in order to protect himself and his fellow trust-fund brats from losing money once mommy and daddy died. Idiot. If you applied that to every last bit of money willed to Churches, you'd begin to create a budget surplus like no other in history.

Do I really need to go on? Seriously: Tax the Church, and tax it hardcore back to the beginning of whatever. Watch our financial problems become silly memories from a time when we had our heads up our asses.