Friday, December 28, 2007

2007: Taking Out The Trash

For my first "Year in Review" post, I want to take a moment and be a complete and total asshole (with some help from The Boston Globe). Why? Because these people deserved it when they were alive, and they most certainly deserve to be remembered as such now that they're worm food. Hope the worms have some decent cuttlery and evolve some serious teeth, because these two piles of human dung are going to be tough, tough, tough to decompose...

Leona Helmsley, 87, died August 20th, 2007 - If you ever needed a reason why the usually-canine term of "bitch" is applied to human women, then Helmsley was that reason. This money grubbing whore ran a $5 billion real estate and hotel empire, but apparently that wasn't enough. She went on trial for tax evasion in 1989.

A former housekeeper quoted Helmsley as saying "We don't pay taxes, only little people pay taxes." Well, Leona, at least we're little people and not giant bitches like you were.

And just look at that mugshot right there. Nasty, isn't it? It's like Tammy Fae Messner (who also died this year, but isn't anywhere near being badmouthed by me) was possessed by Satan and had a child with my next "honoree," Jerry "I'm a Big Fat Christian Douchebag" Falwell.

The world is a much better place without you, Leona. Rot in hell.

The Rev. Jerry Falwell, 73, died May 15th, 2007 - And then, there's this asswipe. And boy, did he fall well, right when we needed him to the most: Before the 2008 election. This man thought it was perfectly fine to ignore the fact that the Constitution provides for the Seperation of Church and State and try to mobilize Christians into a political force so they could force their so-called 'morals and values' onto an unsuspecting and unwilling America.

Apparently, he didn't get the memo that Theocracies don't work. Well, now we don't have to worry about his fat ass taking us back to the Dark Ages, when Religion was the perfect excuse for idiotic ideals like mysogeny, patriarchy, racism, religious intolerance and general ignorance to the way the world works (science, not that stupid ass Intelligent Design/Creationism in Disguise).

Now that Fatass Falwell is dead, the rest of the clear-thinking world can rejoice and party in the streets like it's 1999, not 999 like Falwell wanted. Fuck him, fuck his ideals, and fuck his Christian Coalition. Good riddance.

Rot in hell, Reverend. Maybe you and Leona can hook up while you're both down there...

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